Food News

We Can't Curb Our Enthusiasm for Lisa Garza's Performances on Food Network

Lisa Garza, chatting up idol Martha Stewart on the Food Network last night.

As it's been a day full of actual news, it's been difficult getting to the fluff -- as in, Suze's Lisa Garza and her vying to become The Next Food Network Star. Once more, we had a neighborhood shindig in, uh, honor of the neighbor, during which the following observations were made: Garza looks remarkably like Michelle Forbes during her Star Trek beam-up. I also suggested she looked like the lead singer in a band that would have opened for Missing Persons in 1981.

As evidenced by Episode Three, she's also becoming the most engaging, irritaining character of the summer TV season: During last night's potato challenge, during which contestants were supposed to spend an entire minute pitching their dish and themselves, Garza stopped 15 seconds in -- and it looked almost scripted, as the camera kept cutting to a producer who kept telling her, nope, still got 45 seconds to go. It was eerily reminiscent of that famous Saturday Night Live sketch in which Dana Carvey, as George H.W. Bush, keeps rambling on -- "on track, stay the course, thousand points of light" -- to kill time. We decided Garza's perilously close to becoming reality TV's Michael Scott ... or is that Larry David? Which, of course, is awesome.

We thought for a moment that Garza might be outs -- to which our assembled masses cursed Garza and the boundless entertainment she's providing a starving nation of summer TV-watchers. Alas, she rebounded in front of no less than Martha Stewart, guest judge during the elimination challenge involving the selling of your own pre-packaged product. Of course, Garza was safe the moment one of the contestants -- poor Jeffrey -- decided he'd sell salt. Yes, salt. Jesus. Garza's basil-balsamic orange marmalade was a sure thing, all things considered on a show where most of the contestants look uncomfortable in front of food.

The group's decided to live blog next Sunday night's episode -- for those so interested, we've been drinking wine and an excellent rum, if you feel the need to keep pace. Because next week's episode looks promising. --Robert Wilonsky

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Robert Wilonsky
Contact: Robert Wilonsky