Irving-based Kimberly-Clark, they of the toilet paper and tampons and whatnot, are already in the business of being in your business, as it were, so maybe we shouldn't be too surprised that they're currently looking for 250-word essays on how your underwear got to be so nasty.
"Project Makeunder," for which the company has roped in Kathy Griffin as shill, was made known to us in a press release earlier this week, and since then we've all be working extra hard on coming up with synonyms for "skid marks" so that we can win new panties from Kimberly-Clark brand-buddy Kotex. Per the flakkery:
The right undergarments can keep you feeling fabulous all day, but women still keep unflattering, worn out lingerie around. Thanks to its Panty-Approved Protection, the Kotex brand is on a mission to help women throw out their worn undies, mangled bras and beat up pajamas and have teamed up with Emmy Award winning performer Kathy Griffin and celebrity stylist George Kotsiopoulos for "Kotex Project Makeunder." The program gives women who are ready to upgrade their lingerie drawer the chance to receive a head-to-toe "Makeunder" and star in an online video series documenting their experience.
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Whereas I would probably shell out any amount of money to keep my faded ladybusiness-week drawers from appearing in an Internet video series, apparently Kotex is betting some women will air their dirty laundry, literally, for a chance at some lacy underthings.
I'm more interested, however, in how Kotex came to this conclusion, per the Kotex brand manager:
"At one point, women's lingerie drawers used to be filled with fun, matching undergarments but over time, this drawer has become neglected without reason." 'Cause I can think of a number of reasons women might stop making fancy drawers a priority. Such as: focusing on a career, kids, a family, being broke, or preferring to buy ... other stuff besides fancy underwear.
Which isn't to say fabulous underthings aren't lovely. They are. (Although I got "white cotton undies" in the "What's Your Panty Personality?" quiz, so maybe I'm just a fuddy-duddy anyway.) But you guys know what else is lovely? Not telling the world about your saggy-bottomed bottoms. But hey, if one of our Friends of Unfair Park enters and wins, do tell us all about it. Just don't send photos.