A Meat Lover's Journey to the Loving Hut, a Vegan Buffet in Addison

Follow Cheap Bastard as she scours the city, looking for a good -- or at least non-lethal -- lunch for less than 10 bucks.

Loving Hut offers a $9 vegan buffet in Addison. So, while it is cheap, right off the bat it's most of my least favorite things. First, it's vegan, which I'm pretty sure means there won't be any edible meats here. I don't hate eating vegetables. Vegetables and I go way back. But I admit that if you handed me a regular salad and instead of calling it a regular salad, you were all, "Here's a vegan salad," I'd probably be markedly disappointed. There's just something about adding the word "vegan" to things makes them seem like less fun. Just create two invites on Facebook named "Orgy" and "Vegan Orgy" and see which one attracts more attendees.

Second, it's a buffet, which means lots of people have poked my food with their germ-ass forks before I get to eat it.

Third, it's in Addison. I make exactly the same face of disappointment when you say "vegan" as I do when you say "Addison." If I had to choose between being vegan for a year and living in Addison for a year, though, I would definitely live in Addison. So that's where the line is. Good talk.

I digress. I had to know if handjobs were happening in Loving Hut, based on the place's name alone. I had to go. I couldn't not know.

Inside Loving Hut, it smells more like a spa than a restaurant, and they're even playing that rad-ass-flutes-and-birds-and-shit-I'm-fuckin'-trekking-through-the-mountains-spa-time music. My favorite framed-poster here says, "They are intelligent. They are brave. They are famous. They are beautiful. They are athletic. They are vegan," and includes hot photos of Einstein and Elijah Wood.

The lady next to me looks super tired and sad as if she might start crying into the watermelon chunks. I think about trying to convert her to meat eating, but then realize that would be a total dick move. Mostly because I don't have a pamphlet. Everyone knows that if you're gonna convert someone, you must have a pamphlet.

I load my plate up with the "House Balls" (fried balls of soy -- not the worst) because it is the only obvious option. Fact: If you find yourself in a loving hut, it's your job to eat balls. If you order from the menu, you also have the option of getting the Spicy Cha Cha (which I would assume is the direct result of hanging out with the House Balls).

This won't be the best vegetarian cuisine you've ever experienced. There was one green salad on the entire vegan buffet. But, you should definitely go here, order a water, and stare at every single damned thing in this place. "Are they playing a flute version of Kenny G's Songbird? YES YES THEY ARE!"

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