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All Aboard the Cheese Bus!

In 1964, Ken Kesey and his band of Merry Pranksters hopped into a brightly painted bus and traveled eastward in a hallucinogen-inspired stupor with the hopes of expanding their perceptions of reality.

This Saturday, in a slightly less psychedelic but far more delicious bus trip, Dallas' Scardello Artisan Cheese will host an all-day Cheesemaker Tour set to visit two of North Texas' finest cheesemaking spots (Cheese farms? Cheeseries?). The nearly all-day extravaganza -- 9am to 6pm -- promises to expand the cheese knowledge of all participants.

The first leg of the Magical Myster-cheese Tour will hit Eagle Mountain Farmhouse in Granbury, home base of lawyer-turned-cheesemaker extraordinaire Dave Eagle. Eagle's farmhouse is home to a herd of naturally grazed, organically heralded 100 percent brown Swiss cows -- in layman's terms, the man has really fantastic cows that produce really delicious milk that, in turn, produces some bomb-ass Gouda cheese.

"Guests should feel free to bring along coolers with beer, wine, whatever," said Lance Lynn, Scardello's manager and self-proclaimed "cheese-monger." A cooler would also comes in handy for those looking to bring cheese back from the farms.

After departing from Granbury and grabbing a bite at Rough Creek Lodge, one of North Texas' ritzier eateries, the cheese bus will head westward to just outside Dublin, home of Veldhuizen Family Farm. There, perhaps already half-bloated from coagulated milk, cheese tourists will venture to the farm, the cheese room and "The Cave," where the Veldhuizens age their good stuff for up to two years.

You show me someone that has no interest spending their Saturday in a "cheese cave" and I'll show you someone who is either A) lactose intolerant or B) has their priorities entirely out-of-whack. To note,

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Cheese cave > hot date Cheese cave > NBA conference finals Cheese cave > concert, bowling, movie night, etc.

"Just don't wear heels or anything too nice cause, y'know, we're going to be touring farms and such," Lynn said.

The tour costs $95 per person, but if you're a not-effin'-around cheesehead (cheese addict, not Packers fan), it's just the Saturday get-away for you. Did I mention you'll get to hang out in a cheese cave?

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