Stoneleigh P 2926 Maple Ave. 214-871-2346
The Stoneleigh P has been a historic watering hole for the dudes of Dallas since it opened in the 70s. And by ‘dudes,’ we mostly mean rich dudes, at least judging by the parking lot, where on any given day you’re likely to spot a Land Rover sidled up to a vintage Porsche. It’s the only bar where we’ve ever heard a saucy, middle aged waitress drawl “Do any of you have a red Lexus out back?!”
The joint is renowned for its burgers, but quite honestly, it’s a little hard to wrap our heads around that one.
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Sure, the New York Times wrote about them a decade ago, but unless you’re a fan of A) pumpernickel buns and B) garlic mayo, you probably shouldn’t waste your time. We thought it possible the “Rancho Deluxe” might redeem the burger selection based on name alone, but then we read about some sort of wussy ciabatta bun business. And then there’s the disaster that is the “Shrop Burger,” which features fresh spinach and “Truman” compote, easily the dorkiest name for a condiment we’ve ever heard. (Sure, In Cold Blood is a great read and all, but come on…) If this abomination is really named after noted sports scribe Mike Shropshire, he ought to be ashamed of himself.
Get past the fascist rules here--no pickles, no fries, no ketchup, wtf?--and there are several things worthy of clogging your arteries with. For example, the queso verde may be the best dude-friendly dip in Dallas. Sure, it’s just a big ball of manchego cheese dropped in a Styrofoam cup of warm salsa verde, but that's the point . The smoked chicken nachos are also kinda manly, though we did pour the queso verde on top of them, which may have clouded our judgment. The menu also features “specialties” like beef and chicken tacos or enchiladas, which we’re guessing aren’t that special unless they’re stuffed with pumpernickel or some other rich boy crap--in which case we wouldn’t eat them anyway.
And while the food’s a tad on the pricy side for what it really consists of, the beer was amazingly cheap for this part of town--we paid $2.75 for a Lone Star, while our Brocephus paid $3.75 for an Anchor Steam. We can’t really justify ordering a San Francisco brew when there’s Texan beer to be had, however, so we wouldn’t follow his lead. In fact, we're not certain we should use the honorary "Brocephus" anymore. Anyway--Lone Star. Not bad for a bar that boasts of having both Vivaldi and Beethoven on the jukebox. --Noah Bailey
Dude Factor: 6, or “John Grisham” on a scale of 1 (“Nicholas Sparks”) to 10 (“James Ellroy”).