I Made Candied Bacon. Now You Make It. Now.

When I opened up this cookbook at Christmas, this was the recipe that had to be made. I waited for the right moment, then I tried it out. There are no photos of the results, because the results were eaten too quickly. I assure you, this bacon is amazing. It's sweet. It's spicy. And it's bacon. What could go wrong? Answer: Nothing. Not one thing.

Because when you create the equation candied + bacon, it only equals awesome. There's nothing else it can possibly equal. This bacon candy makes hot angels make out with other hot angels. It melts away all of your stupid work problems in one bite. This Candied Bacon punches Regular Bacon in the bacon nuts and Regular Bacon isn't even mad about it. Your face wants it. Your body needs it. Make it so.

Caramelized Bacon (Originally from Ina Garten's Barefoot Contessa Foolproof Cookbook. Slightly tweaked.)

1/2 cup light brown sugar 1/2 cup pecans 2 teaspoons kosher salt 1 teaspoon black pepper 1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper (I added a little more than that, because: awesome) 2 tablespoons maple syrup 1/2 pound thick-sliced applewood-smoked bacon

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Line a sheet pan with aluminum foil and place a wire baking rack on top.

Combine the brown sugar and pecans in a food processor and process until pecans are finely ground. Then, add salt, pepper and cayenne and pulse that shit. Add maple syrup and pulse again until moistened. Don't say "moistened" aloud, though. Gross.

Cut each bacon slice in half and line up the pieces on the baking rack. Make sure there's no bacon touching other bacon. There'll be no inappropriate bacon-to-bacon contact in this oven, bitches. With a small spoon, spread the pecan mixture onto the bacon slices. Use all that shit. Bake for 25-30 minutes, until topping is very brown, but not burned. Note: Don't underbake it, dumbass. It won't crisp as it cools.

Ina says to serve it at room temperature, but I'm not sure how one would do that. As soon as those bacons were out of the oven, they were in faces. If I had tried to stop the masses from eating them, I would most certainly have lost appendages.

Make this. Now. You're welcome.

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