I thought I might have been the only food writer to use prophylactics to describe undesirable cuisine until I stumbled on this Huffington Post article. The story compiles blurbs from the 10 most meanspirited reviews they could find across the NY Times, The Guardian, GQ and other publications.
I still prefer the visual simplicity of likening the disassembly of a chicken crisper to the act of removing a spent condom, but Matthew Norman's visual of a Trojan pulled over a garlic press "the day timetable confusion forced the cookery teacher to take sex education at short notice," may be considered a bit more lyrical by some.
It gets worse...
Michael Kaminer called Joanne Trattoria the worst thing since herpes; Pete Wells describes a beef carpacio dish as tasting of refrigeration and surrender; and A.A. Gill coins L'Ami Louis the worst restaurant in the world.
Each of those is pretty harsh, but they don't seen as mean spirited as Hanna Raskin's comparison of the Common Table's dry veal sliders to mastodon meat, or Katherine Shillcut's likening of a deconstructed salmon tamale to a trinket in the Thanksgiving decoration aisle at Hobby Lobby.
And you thought Yelpers were mean.
Keep the Dallas Observer Free... Since we started the Dallas Observer, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Dallas, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Dallas with no paywalls.