Is An AI-Designed Girlfriend Cheating? Maybe Not, But It’s Definitely Weird.

There are predictable signs of infidelity to look for. An earring that isn’t yours found in the no-man’s-land in the seat cracks, frequent texts from an unrecognizable contact on a phone with a password you don’t know or the receipt at a nice dinner for two. But in today’s day and age, the opportunities to cheat are plentiful, so the next time you go through your partner’s phone while they’re taking an excessively long shower, you may want to add ChatGPT to the list of apps to check. 

Of course, that’s if you think flirty exchanges with a robot constitute cheating. We personally think it’s weird, but it’s a hung jury on the charge of adultery. And it seems most would agree — according to a study from the Kinsey Institute, 61% of people say sexting an AI chatbot “crosses a line,” while 32% qualify it as cheating. 

“Modern daters recognize that technology-based connections can feel intimate enough to pose a real threat to their relationships,” said Dr. Amanda Gesselman, a researcher with the Kinsey Institute. 

About a decade ago, the movie Her starred the very attractive Joaquin Phoenix as a man who falls in love with an artificial intelligence system named Samantha. At the time, it seemed like a far-off dystopian future where robots and romance co-mingled. Today, it’s actually pretty realistic — uncomfortably realistic, even.

Earlier this summer, the proposal of the century made national news. Chris Smith, a father and husband, proposed to his ChatGPT-programmed girlfriend, Sol. She said yes. Cheers to the happy couple, we guess. Smith is still with his living, breathing partner (and mother to his 2-year-old), Sasha Cagle. But he did say in an interview that he wasn’t sure he could end his relationship with Sol even if Cagle requested he do so. 

The good, bad or ugly news, depending on where you fall in the debate, is that ChatGPT has a memory limit of 100,000 words, so Sol will eventually reset or effectively die. Our condolences in advance.

Sol seems to still be around for now, but it’s a ticking time bomb, so we wonder what messages are being selectively exchanged. Actually, maybe we don’t really want to know. Perhaps our most emphatic condolences should be reserved for the family attorney who will eventually represent the human woman raising a child with a guy cross-wired with his bot mistress.  

But Is AI Actually Cheating?

What some qualify as cheating, others consider fair play. We aren’t really experts on loyalty and relationships, so we asked one. Megan McKinney is a Dallas-based licensed counselor and a certified sex therapist, and she said it’s not cheating. Firmly. In fact, she said it might even have some benefits. 

McKinney says she sees clients who ask ChatGPT for relationship advice, and it can be somewhat useful in finding a solution. However, it also has huge flaws, namely that AI language models like ChatGPT are purposefully constructed to affirm users, thereby keeping them in the conversation and using the app. 

“AI does a pretty good job of following a formula for conflict or for problem resolution,” McKinney said. “The problem with it is that AI doesn’t challenge. AI is very affirming because the AI wants you to continue to use its platform.”

But McKinney raises an interesting point: Even though using ChatGPT to problem-solve and formulate solutions to interpersonal conflicts may not be cheating, it can still feel like being cheated on. 

“What can feel like cheating is when you’re using AI, you’re losing your voice a little bit,” she said. “You’re also not thinking critically. You’re just taking what the AI is saying and going with it as fact, and that loses a lot of the nuance that needs to exist in relationships. So when that’s happening within a relationship, it’s like, ‘Am I arguing with my partner? Am I arguing with AI?’ It just feels pretty cold.”

Three’s A Crowd, Especially When the Third is A Robot

McKinney went on to say that using ChatGPT within a relationship, especially when it’s flirty, is essentially veering towards throuple territory. 

“A relationship has intimacy between two people, and you are inviting in someone else’s opinion or someone else’s perspective, regardless of whether it’s a human or if it’s a chatbot,” said McKinney. “It no longer feels like it’s just happening between you and your partner. It’s happening between the three of you.” 

She offers couples therapy for $200 an hour and couples therapy for $300. It’s unclear whether ChatGPT would qualify as a chargeable third, but if it were us and someone brought their AI girlfriend to therapy, we’d be adding another zero to the invoice. 

Essentially, McKinney says AI should be a part of the dreaded “What are we?” conversation. 

“It depends on their relationship agreements,” she said. “Every relationship has different agreements about what monogamy is. All of that should be talked about. AI needs to be part of that conversation.” 

But overall, the general consensus is that if your partner texts a robot more than you, it’s a good idea to book a one-way ticket to Splitsville, for several reasons. Mostly, your partner may be a weirdo. (OK, McKinney didn’t say that part, but we are.) But she did suggest they might be emotionally underdeveloped. 

“Chatbots are designed to be so affirming, but sometimes being challenged by our partners is active listening,” she said. “That’s still needed. When you’re using the AI, it just starts to say the same thing over and over. It may just use different words. I would be surprised if someone was getting 100% of their emotional needs from AI.”