Arts & Culture News

Proof That Texans Have the Sexiest Accents

Here is Matthew McConaughey, center, with some guys!
Here is Matthew McConaughey, center, with some guys! Cole Dabney/Wikimedia Commons

Texas is No. 34 in education but No. 1 in sexiness! Yes, you, I, we — we are the sexy people. Well maybe not our faces or our personalities, but our voices! Man! Have you heard the news? People looooove Texan accents.

Big Seven Travel surveyed a bunch of horny people (that part is not factual; we're just guessing) about sexy accents and determined with scientific data and surveying that Texans have the sexiest accent. Knew it. Why else did all of America tingle every time George W. Bush gave a State of the Union address?

Dubya isn't the only sex god with a great voice. There are sooo many others. Lock yourself in the bathroom and read this list because Texas is sexy and you'll want alone time!

1. Matthew McConaughey
Matthew McConaughey! He invented the Texan accent! All right, all right, all right, he says. Sexy, sexy, sexy, we say. Also, did you know: Austin was named the capital of Texas because that's where McConaughey went to college. The more you know! Texas!

2. George W. Bush
Speaking of frat boys, George W. Bush is another Texan with an accent that makes all the ladies swoon. Don't believe us? Ask your conservative mother who her hall pass is and 50 bucks says she'll say Dubya. George H. W. Bush didn't have a sexy voice. Don't suggest that again.

3. George Strait
Speaking of old men old women love, George Strait is another classic Texan with a one-of-a-kind Texan accent. "Amarillo by Morning," anyone? Texan!

4. Chip Gaines
Remember when Chip Gaines of Fixer Upper fame said, "Let's have a moment of silence for how good looking I was?" Or when he said, "No doubt about it, the best day of my life was when I married this beautiful lady." Or how about the time he said, "We never had any inspiration to be on television"? All with a Texan accent! There's probably at least one person in the world who thinks it's sexy. Probably.

5. Miranda Lambert
"I started smoking cigarettes, there's nothing else to do I guess." Sing that to yourself. Shh, quieter. OK, now silently in your head. Those are lyrics from everyone's favorite Miranda Lambert song, "Kerosene." You can take the girl out of Texas, but you can't take the Texan accent out of the girl!

6. Kelly Clarkson
Before she became a huge singing superstar, Kelly Clarkson was just a girl in Burleson waiting tables and saying things like, "I'm going to be a fashion designer if this doesn't work out" in a Texan accent! No wonder she won American Idol. People can't resist Texas! And our accents!

7. Dennis Quaid
Oh, my God, another old man who is really hot! And he's Texan! "Dennis Quaid is here!" Ha! Remember that?

8. Tommy Lee Jones
Tommy Lee Jones is sooooo Texan, he even starred in a commercial to advocate for something regarding Texas. We don't know what he said! We were just so overcome with sexiness, we blacked out! Sex! Tommy Lee Jones!

9. Renee Zellweger
Renee Zellweger is from Katy, y'all! Watch the clip above and hear you say it! She says "Y'all!" Can you believe it? Guys, she says "y'all!" SEXY! Were you expecting her to have an Australian accent or something? We were! But she didn't! She's even friends with fellow sexy Texan accent-having Matthew McConaughey. What if they got together and said the Texas Pledge of Allegiance? What would you do?

10. Owen Wilson
Remember when Owen Wilson said "Wow?" Or what about that time he said "Wow?" Wow! We do! Owen Wilson has a quintessential Texan accent. Actually, probably not! But it's an accent! And for that, we say "Wow!"
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Paige Skinner has written for the Dallas Observer since 2014.
Contact: Paige Skinner