Mandy Patinkin and Kathryn Grody are that exact couple, writ large via their vast Instagram (459K) and TikTok following (2.2 million). As Patinkin is a star of stage, screen and film (from Stephen Sondheim productions on Broadway to Homeland and The Princess Bride) and Kathryn an Obie-award-winning actress/writer, it's not shocking they became social media stars, but the way they got there was certainly unexpected.
During the pandemic, the couple's son, Gideon Grody-Patinkin, was sequestered with his parents in their upstate New York cabin when he decided to record them chatting about their upcoming anniversary (which led to an argument and a make-up meal of turkey Bolognese).
"I was always documenting them for the family archives because I have a very immature relationship to mortality, and the insidious reality was they'd one day be dead of Covid," Grody-Patinkin says. "We were spending a lot of time with each other, and Dad works with the International Rescue Committee, so I thought we could put up a couple of clips of them arguing and hanging out [to promote his page]. It was an experiment in lockdown, but then we were delighted, confused and bewildered that it got so popular, so we just kept doing it."
"Honestly, he was really busy and far away, and he came home to make sure we didn't die," says Kathryn Grody with a laugh. "He asked us how we had celebrated the anniversary of our first date, and I said, 'We had a big fight.' Mandy's an ambassador for the IRC, and the only social media we had was from them, so he thought if we had something more personal, we could get a few more views to let people know how we could help refugees. He shared it, and we got 450,000 views!"
At the time, Patinkin didn't even know his password — he had to contact the organization to figure out how to get the keys to his social media kingdom.
"I didn't know how to upload, download, in or out," says the actor. "We put it up, and next thing we know, there's millions of people watching us and talking about our fight! Before we knew it, we had a social media platform the likes of which we never could have imagined."
Posts of the couple trying to figure out internet acronyms or taking the tortilla challenge are juxtaposed with conversations rife with the adorable annoyances only longtime couples possess. And Patinkin and Grody have been together 44 years, so there's plenty of past material to draw from.
"I don't know if I'd call their relationship totally healthy, let's just call it real," says their son. "They suffer and thrive through their ongoing attempts to understand each other. Growing up, it was very normal, if a bit dramatic. I think family and friends thought it was a lot to live around, but when you're a kid, whatever you experience is normal for you. It was a lot of yelling and laughing and crying and having fun and fighting."
Grody and Patinkin even took a break (twice) but found out they couldn't quit one another.
"At times, I thought they'd do best to go off on their own and develop as individual people, but they've always been so attached and co-dependent, that was never an option despite them giving it a go once or twice," says Gideon. "So now I'm happy they're together, but when they got back together when I was 16 or 17 after they took their break, I was a little disappointed in them. I thought they'd develop some important skills and life experience had they gotten to spend some time apart, but they missed each other too much. Now I'm happy they're together; they seem to have fun and they're very close."
Within a marriage Patinkin calls "an evenly matched ping-pong game," the two take turns being the "lunatic or the rock" yet remain wildly complimentary about each other. Grody calls Patinkin one of the most extraordinary people she's ever met, while her spouse says his wife is like "the Eveready Bunny on steroids. She has more energy and strength than I do. Our children and now grandchildren idolize her."
Says Kathryn of their bond, "There was this wonderful journalist, the 60 Minutes guy who sideswiped me when doing a piece on Mandy and said, 'How do you live with this energy and intensity?' and I said, 'How do I not?' We tried it twice, living without each other, and decided we enjoyed and loved each other more."
On Saturday, Oct. 19, Dallas audiences will get an up close and personal look at the Patinkin/Grody relationship when the couple brings a performance of sorts to the Eisemann Center in Richardson. The fact that Patinkin and his wife spend a fair amount of time on their own tours or projects means what they call "the family show" is squeezed in among their prior commitments. Grody-Patinkin is along for the ride as moderator, coming in with a list of prompts and games to get his parents talking.
The Richardson show kicks off the next leg of the tour, and as usual, no one knows what to expect, which is part of the fun for both performers and the crowd.
"Our friends know there's some real illusions going on; we are a complicated pair," says Patinkin. "But I would say [to Gideon], please show people some impact of when we're driving each other nuts, and he has. It's not rehearsed, it just comes out on its own. Give us a couple of minutes; it's not different if we've been away. It takes about 38 seconds until there's a problem."
The Odd Couple
Yet, along with the kvetching, there's a lot of kindness. Patinkin says being filmed brought out the innate sweetness between the pair, and being onstage talking about whatever topic their son throws in their direction helps cement their connection in the same organic way."When we're being filmed, we're nicer to each other, we listen better, the kindness quotient goes up," Patinkin says. "It's like being at the amusement park when you hit the hammer, and it makes the [puck] go up and up and hit the bell. Being up there with [Gideon], we feel safe, just like we did on social media. The difference is with all the stuff he takes with his phone, he edits it down in different sizes for different platforms. But when we're in front of 200 people, it's like, anything goes."
Adds Kathryn, "It's a serious trust exercise because we do not rehearse anything. And no show is the same. They're all very different, with some incredibly entertaining stuff and tightrope-walking stuff. It's an hour-long between family members, and that makes it unusual. Months will go by, and we'll say, 'Do we still want to do this?' But we're still having a good time."
For one performance, Grody-Patinkin dug up an old wedding video the couple didn't know they possessed, which led Patinkin to weep (an activity he has a propensity to do). With such inherent theatricality in the Grody-Patinkin clan, it's exciting to hear Gideon Grody-Patinkin is currently shopping around a dramedy starring his parents that will be a larger vision of telling stories that are meaningful to them, the family of expert storytellers.
"The interviews are another thing in the family bucket of stuff we play around with," Grody-Patinkin says. "We're working on a podcast, and we'll see what happens with that. And, as long as we're having fun playing in the sandbox, we'll keep doing [the performances]. In the beginning, I thought we could do two or three of these, but the reality is they're two people very active in the world, taking risks, growing again, having fun, and being miserable, so there's always new stuff to talk about."
A Conversation with Mandy Patinkin and Kathryn Grody takes place at 8 p.m., Saturday, Oct. 19, at Eisemann Center, 2351 Performance Drive, Richardson. Tickets start at $55.
