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Finally, Verbal Grenades on The Real Housewives of Dallas Episode 7

The Real Housewives of Dallas Episode 7 Recap
"Black and Blues"

Maybe we’re crazy. Maybe we’re just grasping for any kind of hope. But maybe — just maybe — it took a guest star on The Real Housewives of Dallas to finally get things going.

It’s Heidi Dillon. Or as Tiffany Hendra calls her — Heidi Effin' Dillon. And what we’re about to say will make it sound like we’re president of her fan club. Or she paid us to say nice things. Or she is in the process of blackmailing us. But it’s not the case. It’s just that finally someone with a big mouth finally came on the show and spiced things up.

We met Dillon in episode 4 when LeeAnne Locken asked her to be the chair of some charity event. And now she’s back again because Locken wants her valued opinion on the other Housewives — Brandi Redmond, Stephanie Hollman and Cary Deuber.

We meet Dillon, Locken and Hendra at Toulouse, a restaurant in town with great beignets. Hendra says Locken refers to herself as a Dillon, Jr. and we laugh because Locken could only be so lucky. One of the first things out of Dillon’s mouth is, “Most of the women in Dallas got their rich husbands because at one point they were on their knees under his desk.”

Where. The. Hell. Has. This. Woman. Been. No, seriously. Why did Bravo just completely skip over this woman for casting? So far the most scandalous thing this group has done is make a fart joke. Finally someone comes in and offers to ruin people's reputation. After a few snarky remarks, the ladies decide to invite Redmond, Hollman and Deuber to Dillon’s Gothic State Fair party so Dillon can get a proper assessment of the women she's heard so much about.

The other storylines during this episode are Redmond dealing with the suicide attempt of her little brother, who struggles with PTSD. Hollman consoles her and when Locken gets wind of the news, she is suddenly reminded Redmond is indeed a real human being and considers the idea of patching things up with her. Deuber celebrates her wedding anniversary with her husband by being gifted a Roberto Cavalli dress. Redmond and her husband have a nice powwow at Whiskey Cake. Locken and Hollman make amends at Lavendou Bistro, and Hendra tries to get some recognition for her musician husband at the House of Blues' Foundation Room.

But all the women come together during Dillon's Gothic State Fair party, which is exactly what you think it is — a bunch of women wearing black and eating corn dogs and Frito chili pies. There's awkward tension everywhere. Locken is giving Deuber the side-eye for not being more excited to be in Dillon's presence. She's also mad about that time she allegedly had an affair with her now-husband while he was still married to his first wife. In fact, Locken tells the cameras, "Heidi is friends with Mark [Deuber's] ex wife ..." But Dillon tells us that was really a case of editing. "I don't know her at all. I never met her. I never heard of her," Dillon tells us.

Dillon says she's open to the idea of becoming a Housewife if the show gets picked up for a season two. "I would definitely be open to it. I don't know what they're going to be looking for for season two," she tells us. "There are so many variables and you never know the mind of a network. I love working with LeeAnne of course and I like the other girls and I feel like I can definitely stand up to anything they throw at me. I think the show needs an O.G. I would say I'm an original gangster, but I'm an old gangster."

We don't care about your age, Dillon. Just make this exciting.
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Paige Skinner has written for the Dallas Observer since 2014.
Contact: Paige Skinner