Good luck; be safe.EXPAND
Good luck; be safe.
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How To Avoid Being Accosted by a Mary Kay Distributor Next Week

We've all been there. Minding your own business, browsing the nutrition facts on a box of Whole Foods crackers you can't afford, when all of a sudden a hyper-accessorized, immaculately manicured middle-aged woman compliments you.

"I just have to tell you, your bone structure is beautiful!"

At first you think, this stranger can't possibly be talking to me, but you have no choice but to accept that she is.

"Oh, well thank you!"

Now the flood of half-panicked thoughts. Do I compliment her back? Do I ask her how her day is? Do I casually continue reading the back of the crackers box, as if that was a normal interaction? But there is no time to plan your next step because she furthers the conversation.

"You could really be a model! I'm sure you get that all the time," she says with piercing, unrelenting eye contact.

The truth is it's possible to disagree with a compliment and still blush. You blush.

"Ha ha, I can't say I'm ever told that!"

"Well, darling, I have to be honest. I'd love to treat you and your girlfriends to a spa day, with makeovers using May Kay's new summer collection. It would be so much fun! I'm a May Kay gal myself — everything I'm wearing right now is Mary Kay! Don't you love it? What do you say? An afternoon of fun, friends and makeup! I can hardly wait. In fact, how about I get your number, and you let me know when works best for you. You are going to love it!"

How long has it been? How did we get here? It escalated faster and more disastrously than when you first discovered moscato during junior year of college. Also like junior year of college, you begrudgingly give out your number, thinking it's the only way out.

And so it's official. You've officially been courted, accosted, also known as acknowledged, by a Mary Kay distributor.

The annual May Kay convention will be in downtown Dallas July 20 through Aug. 4, and your chances of being acknowledged by a distributor are as high as the triple-digit temperatures this summer. Here, we've provided the best ways to avoid an unwanted interaction.

Wear a Beauty Counter or Rodan + Fields Name Tag
If you can't beat them, join their competitors. Selling to the enemy is surely against the rules.

Stop Showering
No one chooses to have a conversation with a stranger who smells like garbage. It's only two weeks. You can do it.

Do Not Go Out In Public
Be especially sure to avoid places where gaggles of girls gather. This includes but is not limited to West Village boutiques, rooftop pools, hair or nail salons, spin studios, frozen yogurt chains and all Starbucks.

Move to Fort Worth
This is hardly extreme. At the end of the day, it's either change cities and turn your entire life upside down or buy a Mary Kay lipstick. You decide.

Get a Sex Change, Become a Man
Damn it, they sell men's products. Scratch that.

Good luck; be safe.

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