Gawker’s Fruit Rankings Are Terrible So I Made My Own and They’re Much Better

Gawker is actually ranking fruits. How pointless is that?

Let’s break down their rankings and rank the fruits of the world ourselves.

27. Fig

26. Date

25. Honeydew

24. Papaya

23. Cantaloupe

22. Blackberry

21. Pear

20. Raspberry
19. Apricot
18. Pineapple
17. Guava
16. Lemon
15. Plum
14. Strawberry
13. Apple
12. Grape
11. Grapefruit
10. Kiwi
9. Orange
8. Pomegranate
7. Lime
6. Watermelon
5. Banana
4. Cherry
3. Peach
2. Mango
1. Blueberry

Terrible, right? The strawberry, blackberry, raspberry and plum are obviously too low, while the top 10 is marred by the presence of the lime, the orange and the banana, all serviceable but by no means indispensable fruits.

Here are the correct rankings. Like Gawker, we claim the following to be infallible. Unlike Gawker’s, ours actually are.

20. Watermelon

19. Pomegranate

18. Banana*

17. Grape

16. Cantaloupe

15. Papaya

14. Orange

13. Apple

12. Cherry

11. Pear

10. Apricot

9. Blueberry

8. Kiwi

7. Pineapple

6. Mango**

5. Blackberry

4. Plum

3. Raspberry

2. Strawberry

1. Peach

Also receiving votes: Figs, grapefruit, guava, lemon, dates***, honeydew

*I heard once that bananas constipate you, so I haven’t had one since 2006. But I hear good things.
**Mango would be No. 1 if it wasn’t so much damn work.
***Dates wrapped in bacon are definitely in the top 10****.
****I guess that’s true of pretty much everything.