50 Don'ts For Your ACL Festival Weekend

We know you know what to do at the Austin City Limits Festival, but we're not positive you know what not to do. So, here's a list of 50 don'ts for your ACL weekend:

1. Don't try to look like you're from Austin. Austin knows you're a poseur.

2. Don't bring a cooler with you. Bring an entire refrigerator. It's more practical.

3. Don't forget your jert.

4. Don't remember to see Gotye perform.

5. Don't forget to lick the port-a-potties. Turns out, they taste like snozberries. You'll get a free high.

See also: - Austin City Limits will be two weekends in 2013 - The people of Austin City Limits 2011

6. Don't post pictures of you at ACL while you're still at ACL. Just be at ACL, man. Facebook will understand.

7. Don't get mad at people for trying to get past you. You're in the fucking way, dude.

8. Don't use the ATMs at ACL. Sober You brought all the money you could possibly need. That beard jewelry you want to buy really isn't that cool.

9. Don't crowd surf sober.

10. Don't forget to seriously and loudly request "Freebird" at every stage.

11. Don't forget to bring all of the furniture from your entire house, "In case I get tired and need to sit down." This is what everyone does.

12. Don't take a cab. That would save time, energy, gas, and would be safe. You would much rather sit in traffic and curse ACL Jesus.

13. Speaking of ACL Jesus, don't forget your sacrifice to ACL Jesus: your dignity, pride, and your claim that you have good taste in music.

14. Don't not take your shirt off. A good sweaty back can lube an exit.

15. Don't take your shirt off. Gross, dude. Or lady.

16. Don't forget, when you can't get a signal, to hold your phone really high into the air. The signal will jump into it faster there.

17. Don't be the guy walking around chanting "Repent!" or "Save your soul!" for the upcoming apocalypse. It's more fun to say, "Are you serious??? IT'S NOW?" and run screaming.

18. Don't miss Neil Young. He might die soon, you know?

19. Don't mention to the people of Austin you only came to hear "Somebody That I Used to Know." It will cause a rift in the indie rock time continuum.

20. Don't forget to pass off any fart on your right or left neighbor with a quick and curt eye glance.

21. Don't request songs, unless you wrote the song you're requesting.

22. Don't wear tuxedos. This event is hobo casual.

23. Don't wear the cowboy hat from Dumb & Dumber

24. Don't forget to make up a random band in the middle of real bands when you answer the question "What are you seeing?" (Good fake band name generator: The + [body part] + [any animal or insect] = win.)

25. Don't fall asleep in your hotel lobby: bed bugs.

26. Don't hesitate to go all fanny pack on the festival's ass.

KEEP THE DALLAS OBSERVER FREE... Since we started the Dallas Observer, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Dallas, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Alice Laussade and Nick Rallo

Latest Stories