Keep Dallas Observer Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Dallas and help keep the future of Dallas Observer free.


First off, let me say that I am real fuckin' glad we didn't have to wait in that three-block line to get into the BUD LIGHT HOTEL last night! Corbin from Rhino's friend's broker scored us sweet VIP tix and we were inside that bigass tent like Kail was inside that stripper bitch rawdog last weekend LOL. I think he's still tryina wash off the glitter from his dick hahahaha.

SHOTS FIRST YA HEARD. I had the bartender serve us ten of their finest Grey Goose pours into some BUD LIGHT plastic cups which was real ghetto but haha whatevs we can slum it in the VIP if we have to, right dudes? I got her to put some cranberry in it for the girls because they're fuckin' girls. LOL. And you better believe we didn't pay a dime for those bad boys cause we're VIP hahaha. REPRESENTIN!

So Pitbull was up first and that dude is a motherfucking Latin pimp and some shit. He had this slick-ass suit on and these shades that were just screamin' like, "Please, one hot-ass pussy at a time, ladies, form a line!" LOL. Dude sampled "Smells Like Teen Spirit" and the crowd fuckin' LOST IT!! Fuckin' Nirvana man, I love that band.

And yo dude I don't know if you were on TV last night but WE FUCKIN' WERE! Fuckin' VIP! Jimmy Kimmel, that fat bastard, was broadcastin' the BUD LIGHT HOTEL party live on his show and it was fucking tight.

So then Tatum was clutch bringing back brews for everybody from the bar cause right when she got back the house DJ played fuckin' BON JOVI LIVIN' ON A PRAYER which has been our jam for like ever and we fuckin' did that shit up RIGHT. AIN'T NO PARTY LIKE A FIST PUMP PARTY HAHAHA.

Of course it wouldn't have been VIP if there hadn't been some sweet fuckin' bitches on hand, and in that vein, BUD LIGHT HOTEL delivered and a fuckin' HALF. This one slut in some real little football shorts and these fuckin' fuck-me boots bent over to pick up her drink or some shit and I was like HEY HOLD UP IMA GET OVER ON YOU REAL FAST LIKE MICHAEL VICK AND GET A SHOT OF YOUR ASS WITH MY IPHONE!! I made that shit my fuckin' wallpaper and now it's like goin' to bonertown every time I check my fantasy b-ball stats. KOBE WOULD APPROVE I THINK LOL.

The girls were fuckin' freakin' out when Ke$ha played, but that shit was fuckin' weird if you ask me. I mean she's OK looking but DAMN what was with the dude dancers in spandex on stage with walkers? Nobody wants to see some dude's junk all flyin' around on fuckin' stage.

So yeah sorry Ke$ha, but let's keep the dude junk to a minimum and GET SOME MORE HOT PUSSY ON STAGE HAHAHAH LOL. I thought Lila's panties were gonna fall STRAIGHT OFF when Ke$ha played that fuckin' TIK TOK song, she was so excited. And man, I will fuckin' fist pump to that shit because any bitch that brushes her teeth with a bottle of jack probably sucks a pretty good D. J/K HAHAH LOL.

Dudes, we peaced out after that because we were so fuckin' wasted and Rhys was gettin' this fuckin' weird-ass side eye from some dude who was like, real fuckin' interested in watching this BUD LIGHT bitch airbrush a fake tattoo on his six-pack. Like dude, have some fuckin' respect for a man and his game, right? Still, it was a fuckin' SWEET ASS NIGHT and we fuckin' DID IT UP like the VIP's we are. I will see you assholes at P. DIDDY TONIGHT WE DOIN IT AGAIN!!!!!! CAN'T BE STOPPED 2011.


Keep the Dallas Observer Free... Since we started the Dallas Observer, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Dallas, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Dallas with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the Observer community and help support independent local journalism in Dallas.


Join the Observer community and help support independent local journalism in Dallas.