Taylor Swift’s The Life of a Showgirl Songs, Ranked

Last month, Taylor Swift released her latest album, The Life of a Showgirl, and it’s probably her most polarizing to date. Many were quick to point out clunky songwriting, questionable content and disappointing production and declare it her worst album ever.

I’ve had a few weeks to sit with this album, and I can’t bring myself to agree. This is partially because I am a well-documented hater of her last album, The Tortured Poets Department, which I still believe is the true claimant of this backlash. But it’s mostly because there are moments on Showgirl that I genuinely enjoy.

Don’t get me wrong. I agree with many of the criticisms of this album, and there’s plenty about it that I find irredeemable. But I think between the public at large piling on to it and the Swifties who think it’s a no-skip album and that the haters just hate to see their queen happy, I’m one of the few who consider Showgirl a proper mixed bag.

Showgirl has officially spent one month at the top of the Billboard 200 chart, as it racks up its fourth straight week at No. 1 (on the chart dated Nov. 8). One month after the album was released on Oct. 3, here are all of the songs in said mixed bag ranked from worst to best.

12. “CANCELLED!”

For the detractors who think that Swift is pivoting to conservative propaganda, “CANCELLED!” offers up the most ammunition. It’s admittedly the hardest to defend.

I get it. I’m hearing what everyone else is hearing. “Good thing I like my friends cancelled” is a damning lyric to drop when you’re getting backlash for hobnobbing with far-right podcasters and your fiancé’s coworker’s awful wife. But I’m choosing to give Swift the bare minimum benefit of the doubt in the case of “CANCELLED!” I’m not going to posit that she intentionally wrote an explicit MAGA anthem because that would almost be giving it too much credit. 

If this were any kind of explicitly political song, one might get the impression that she was thinking about people and situations that have nothing to do with her while writing. Her past lyrical stabs at politics, such as “You Need to Calm Down” and “Only the Young,” uneven as they were, at least paid some lip service to the LGBTQ community and victims of gun violence. 

Lyrics like “did you girlboss too close to the sun” and “tone deaf and hot, let’s fucking off her” don’t give off that vibe. It’s decidedly myopic and antagonistic, spewing boiling acid at both good-faith critics and mindless haters. You could connect some of the lyrics to recurring Swiftieverse characters (Blake Lively’s name and legal battles are getting thrown around a lot) and make the case that she’s standing up for her friends. However, the lens is still undeniably fixed on Swift’s own feelings and experiences.

The most generous interpretation of “CANCELLED!” is that Taylor Swift was leaning into her most vacuous and out-of-touch instincts and, in doing so, created an anthem for your worst Facebook friends. The nastiest classmates and coworkers you’ve ever had are going to be bumping this one on their girls’ trip to Waco, and she has to live with that.

11. “Actually Romantic”

When critiquing pop music, it’s often best to separate the gossip and personal drama from the work itself and focus solely on the music itself. Swift is one of a handful of artists who have spent a significant portion of their careers making that impossible. And as much as some of her fans like to cry foul, it’s all by design. Her drama is part of the intrigue, for better or for worse.

That being said, “Actually Romantic” is widely assumed to be a diss track about fellow pop star and Brat summer architect Charli XCX. I came to that same conclusion after only the first line: “I heard you call me Boring Barbie when the coke’s got you brave.” I was instantly mortified by it, and things only got worse from there.

I will try my best to condense the required reading for this alleged diss. In 2022, Swift had a brief relationship with Matty Healy, the frontman of The 1975 and bandmate of George Daniel, Charli’s then-boyfriend and now-husband. The relationship got a lot of backlash from Swift’s fans, due to Healy’s various controversies and it apparently wasn’t well-received by their respective friend groups either. Last year, Charli released a song called “Sympathy is a knife” about not liking and gelling with a girl, a friend of hers is dating, which was assumed to be Swift. Hence, the alleged response.

Here’s the problem, though. “Sympathy is a knife” is not a diss track. It’s an achingly vulnerable and self-aware song about insecurity and competition with women in your industry. Charli never even implies that the subject has intentionally done anything to slight her. So Swift’s choice to hit back with a song that (allegedly) accuses Charli of being an obsessed hater feels wildly disproportionate. It’s bad optics set to a boring beat that sounds a bit like an Olivia Rodrigo song on quaaludes.

Fans will defend this one by claiming that Swift might be responding to things that happened behind the scenes that we don’t know about. If that’s the case, Swift should’ve exposed her opponent like all good diss tracks do.

10. “The Life of a Showgirl”

One criticism that has been frequently lobbed at The Life of a Showgirl is that the music doesn’t match the visuals. Why is she putting a feather on her head and strutting around in skimpy costumes to music that doesn’t evoke such a performance style?

I don’t think that’s entirely fair. She never said this was a concept album. “Showgirl” is clearly an aesthetic sandbox she’s wanted to play in for a while (if her past collab with burlesque icon Dita Von Teese is any indication), and I’m perfectly capable of separating most of the songs from her vintage glam photoshoots.

The one exception to that is, of course, “The Life of a Showgirl.”

What a waste to tap Sabrina Carpenter, pop music’s reigning queen of cheeky, retro-inspired sex appeal, for a song called “The Life of a Showgirl” only for it to sound this flat and squeaky clean. The name evokes lyrical and sonic choices that lean moody, sultry and a little jazzy. Instead, aside from a couple of PG-13 curse words, we got a song that sounds like the Glee version of itself.

As for the content of the song, it’s a little tired at this point. The song is a thinly veiled allegory for how Swift has worked very hard, endured hardship none of us can imagine and come out on the other side as a towering, immortal figure in pop who’s not to be fucked with. There’s no real difference between this song and “I Can Do It With a Broken Heart” from The Tortured Poets Department, “You’re On Your Own, Kid” from Midnights and even “Father Figure” from this very album.

Now we know the life of a showgirl indeed.

9. “Elizabeth Taylor”

We’ve thankfully run out of songs that I find irredeemably bad. “Elizabeth Taylor” is mostly fine, if not forgettable, but I do have a minor issue with it that I need to address.

I’ve believed for a while that Swift needs to leave the names of dead celebrities out of her mouth. Whether she intends to or not, she is relegating real people to side characters in her cinematic universe and enabling misinformation. When she released “Clara Bow” on The Tortured Poets Department, for instance, Swifties bent over backward to find common ground with their idol and the silent film star where there was none. I saw many people claim that Bow left Hollywood to marry a football player. She did nothing of the sort.

Swift invokes these women for the same reason she references books we all had to read in high school: to bolster her brand of “cultured intellectual.” However, she fails to make a more meaningful connection than simply stating, “We’re both famous and fame is hard.” It’s just not worth it.

8. “Wi$h Li$t”

“Wi$h Li$t” has a sparkling, hooky production that would sound right at home on previous Max Martin collabs like 1989 and Reputation. From a sonic standpoint, it’s a pleasant and satisfying listen with plenty of earworms. 

The lyrics are kind of weird.

“Wi$h Li$t” purports to be a love song, but Swift’s relationship is only part of the story. Both verses of the song aren’t about Swift and her beloved, but instead focus on an abstract “they,” which seems to represent the shallow, out-of-touch celebrities that our down-to-earth billionaire next door, Taylor Swift, just can’t relate to. “They” want yachts, designer clothes and critical acclaim. “They” want to live off the grid and have three dogs that they call their kids.

It doesn’t become a love song until the chorus, when Swift coos, “I just want you.” And even then, it seems to come more from a place of smug superiority than love.

7. “Honey”

“Honey” is a sweet and serviceable love song about feeling secure in a stable relationship. Swift retains a bit of the defensiveness that plagues “Wi$h Li$t” by listing people who have called her “honey” or “sweetheart” in a condescending manner, but has the more satisfying payoff of intimate moments where her partner calls her these same pet names in a more loving context.

This song has largely flown under the radar in conversations about this album. It’s just not super memorable, but in this case, that works to its advantage.

6. “Wood”

My hottest take of all about this album is that I don’t hate this song. 

I understand the wordplay and sex puns that make up most of this song are goofy, and I’m perfectly OK with that. I don’t get the sense that Swift was taking herself too seriously while writing this, and lyrics like “I don’t need to catch a bouquet / to know a hard rock is on the way” were welcome levity on an album that largely feels like a chore to listen to.

But just like she did with “Actually Romantic,” Swift seemingly demands that we know who this song is about, and that understandably adds an uncomfortable layer.

I guess it’s time to address the elephant in the room, which is that most of the love songs on The Life of a Showgirl are about Swift’s fiancé, NFL player Travis Kelce. This has created a bit of a “TMI” response to “Wood,” with fans and haters alike bemoaning having to hear about Kelce’s “redwood tree.”

It can be a little difficult to listen to this song while listening to Kelce’s manic rendition of “Viva Las Vegas” after his 2024 Super Bowl win. Maybe on a better album, this would land closer to the bottom of the list. But on the weird and self-serious Life of a Showgirl, a bit of laughter is more than welcome.

5. “Eldest Daughter”

This is probably the most frustrating track on the album. It feels one rewrite away from greatness.

“Eldest Daughter” is a rare moment of vulnerability on the album. Instead of brushing off the haters with her signature performative indifference, she’s coming right out and saying what she means: People on the internet suck sometimes, and hate comments hurt her feelings.

Some of the ways she chooses to express this are highly effective in their simplicity. “I’m dying just from trying to seem cool” cuts through her “tortured poet” persona and offers a different perspective on her constant reinvention and desire to top herself. The honesty is refreshing.

But on the other hand, lyrics like “Everybody’s so punk on the internet” or “Every joke’s just trolling and memes” feel deeply silly when played straight against a melancholy piano track. Lyrics like “I’m not a bad bitch and this isn’t savage” have rightfully been called out for sounding racially charged.

Just like the poets and authors she likes to align herself with, Swift needs an editor to go through her work and make sure her intended message is coming across correctly. “Eldest Daughter” would’ve greatly benefited from such constructive criticism, especially.

4. “The Fate of Ophelia”

Speaking of poets and authors, Swift is once again taking inspiration from Shakespeare. As she did with Romeo and Juliet in “Love Story,” Swift is rewriting Hamlet to give doomed leading lady Ophelia a happier ending.

“Love Story” has gotten flak for supposedly not “getting” Romeo and Juliet. It’s told from the perspective of a teenager who relates to and reclaims the story to fit her current situation. It’s not supposed to be a straight retelling of the story.

“The Fate of Ophelia” is lifted directly from “Love Story’s” playbook, with Swift claiming that her love saved her from “[drowning] in melancholy.” In turn, the wannabe Shakespeare scholars are at it again. Maybe it’s slightly more warranted this time because she’s now branded herself as “your English teacher,” but I still have to wonder what these people expected.

Aside from the Shakespeare discourse, “The Fate of Ophelia” has the rare distinction of being a solid Taylor Swift lead single. It’s fun, catchy and tidily sums up most of the main themes of the album. It also has one of Swift’s best music videos in years, proving that while her songwriting might be faltering, her strengths as a director are just being realized.

3. “Father Figure”

First of all, “I can make deals with the devil because my dick’s bigger” is one of the funniest lines on the album.

“Father Figure” is a weird song, and it had to sit with me for a few weeks before I made up my mind about it. I think what I like best about it is that, unlike most of the album, which seems to require several prerequisite courses on Swift lore, I couldn’t immediately tell who this was about on first listen. I’ve seen some people say Olivia Rodrigo. I’ve seen others posit Scott Borshetta, the label head who sold Swift’s masters to Scooter Braun.

Could be either, neither, or both. Either way, it was nice to just sit with the song without feeling like I was being inundated with worldbuilding.

2. “Opalite”

While “The Fate of Ophelia” is a worthy single, “Opalite” is the strongest straight-up pop song on the record. Like several songs on this album, it’s had its fair share of criticisms, namely for allegedly dissing Travis Kelce’s ex, sports journalist Kayla Nicole, with lines like, “you were in it for real / she was in her phone.” Nicole (allegedly) hit back with a Toni Braxton-themed Halloween costume, so I’m just going to call that controversy settled for now.

“Opalite” is one of the few songs that delivers on the promise of Max Martin’s involvement with this record. It sounds more like a 1989 vault track than the actual 1989 vault tracks. It’s tight, hook-heavy production combined with more of Swift’s sense of humor. “I had a bad habit of missing lovers past / My brother used to call it eating out of the trash,” got an audible laugh from me.

“Opalite” also seems like a logical choice for the next single. I hope it gets another Swift-directed music video.

1. “Ruin the Friendship”

On any other Taylor Swift record that isn’t bogged down by discourse and controversy, “Ruin the Friendship” would be an instant classic.

I’ve seen many people say that it doesn’t sound like it belongs on The Life of a Showgirl. I agree and mean it with the highest regard. “Ruin the Friendship” pulls away from out-of-touch elements that have turned so many people off of the album and returns to the kind of storytelling found on Folklore (which happens to be one of my favorite of Swift’s albums).

The story of the song spans multiple years, beginning with Swift harboring a crush on one of her guy friends in high school (but keeping it to herself to avoid causing unnecessary drama) and ending with the adult Swift receiving a call from her friend Abigail (who was also mentioned in the 2009 single “Fifteen”) that her former crush had died. “Should’ve kissed you anyway” is the recurring line that ties the whole story together.

The song is packed with poignant and funny era-specific details, like 50 Cent playing at prom, and very sound and human justifications for keeping her feelings to herself (“Don’t make it awkward in second period / Might piss your ex off, lately we’ve been good”). It makes the ending reveal feel all the more like a gut punch. 

Though this album has some of the deepest creative lows of her career (“Actually Romantic” comes right after this and gave me whiplash), moments like “Ruin the Friendship” provide a glimmer of hope that there’s still great Taylor Swift music to look forward to.