Last week, we revealed the nominees for the 2016 Dallas Observer Music Awards. With five nominees each spread across 40 different categories, the ballot — which is open until midnight on Dec. 2, the night before the DOMA showcase — offers a pretty good overview of what the local music scene looks like this year.
The ballot was assembled not on the whim of the Observer staff, but by polling an assortment of insiders and experts from the music scene. A lot of them. Like, 200 of them. In the course of the voting, one theme eventually popped up: These people are a bunch of smart asses. So much so that we've decided to highlight some of the best responses from this year's ballot.
"Don't listen," "none," and "n/a"
These answers appeared frequently throughout voting, and are notable for the sheer effort that the given voters put into them. Okay, so "n/a" is innocuous enough, but the others? It seems like a lot more trouble to indicate that you don't care about a particular category than it does to simply leave it blank and go on to the next.
"Who gives a flying fuck?"
On that note, some voters had particularly violent reactions to being asked certain questions. In this case, the question at hand was choosing the Best DJ. Sorry, DJs.
Again — except this comment came from someone who apparently isn't impressed with the local experimental and noise scene.
For one voter, picking the Best Festival this year wasn't the only thing that was difficult. So too was using proper grammar.
Music festivals were a particularly vexing subject this year. One poor voter put enough thought into writing something in, but still wasn't sure of the decision, so made sure to include a question mark just in case. (Don't worry, 35 Denton still got the vote.)
"Do they still play this stuff," "These still exist" and "They make videos?"
More on the disdainful answers, as well as the voter confusion, although the question marks were more inconsistent in these cases. Perhaps the ones without were intended to be statements, but just in case: Yes, they do still play Latin and Tejano music, record stores do still exist and they (whoever these "theys" are) do, in fact, make music videos.
"Suffer the human condition"
Okay, this one's actually just the real name of a real band in DFW. But it's a pretty great name, and pretty metal too.
"Kayla Sinclair," "Kaylea Sinclair" and "keala sinclair"
As you may have gathered already, spelling can often be an issue with the write-ins in DOMA voting. Kaela Sinclair is by no means the only person or band to have her name butchered, but folks went above and beyond in misspelling hers in particular. At least they remembered her?
"I forgot his name," "that one that is really cool" and "duhhhhhhhhhh"
That much cannot be said of some other people. Or maybe it was a radio show. Or even a concert venue? Not quite sure. Either way, none of them received official votes. (That we know of, anyway.)
"Blind Lemon haha"
Is there something funny about voting for Blind Lemon? Is it because he's been dead for 80 years, or ... something else?
"Best manager" and "Best promoter"
One addition that was made to the preliminary voting this year was the inclusion of the Best Category We Missed, which will be familiar to those of you who also vote in the Best Of Dallas readers' poll. Unfortunately, there wasn't any consensus on a category that needed to be added, so none were. However, the "Best manager" and "Best promoter" picks were notable for the fact that at least one of them included a specific name — which was also the name of the person casting the vote. Did we mention that we can track who places all the votes? Because oh yeah, we can.
"Best Nu Metal"
This one could be our bad, because really we just assumed it wasn't serious. It wasn't, though, right?
"Best Underage Band"
This one is okay in sentiment. We think. But the word choice makes it a little creepy feeling. You could've said "Best Band Under 21" or some such thing, right?
"Best Ex Dallas Observer writer"
Very funny. Next.
"Best Music-Related Internet Fight" and "Best social media beef"
Well, okay then. One thing is also true about these voters, beyond being smart asses: They like drama. Come to think of it, that's true of Dallas in general.
"maybe most influential on the entire scene"
Not quite sure if this one should be considered a complete thought or not. Most influential what? And also, again with the indecision. Jeez, people. You'll never get anywhere with that kind of attitude.
This one doesn't really fit the music awards, now does it? Maybe this voter was thinking about that Best Of Dallas readers' poll. The answer, though, is Yoohoo Yeehaw. Just saying.
"Music Editor Mostly Likely to Ask for Comped Drinks"
Let's refer back to that previous observation about being able to track votes. Now, not saying that this was directed toward anyone in particular (like, say, the person reading through all the votes: the music editor), but it could be. Most troubling about this particular comment, besides the lack of self-editing in the "Mostly Likely" part, is that the voter forgot to include the word "Best" at the beginning. Ahem.
"Biggest piece of shit."
This one was really a personal favorite, encapsulating all the hostility, negativity and sarcasm that could be mustered into one succinct, wonderfully nihilistic comment. We really feel where you're coming from, buddy. (Although we hope it's unrelated to the above music editor sentiment.) And just in case you weren't sure this voter meant it, there's even a period at the end for emphasis.
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It's really pretty flattering of y'all, folks. Jeff Gage — me, the music editor of the Observer — got voted for in no fewer than seven different categories this year. Sadly, I'm not eligible for any DOMAs, but thanks for playing along, just the same.
Vote for the 2016 Dallas Observer Music Awards by visiting 2016musicawardspoll.dallasobserver.com.