I usually don't go after underage artists (har dee har, guys) in this column. Most of the kids you see on the charts are likely being paraded around by their parents and music industry captains with little artistic integrity on their part.
So, it's not usually their fault they're making bad music.
After you turn 18, thought, there are no excuses.
This is exactly why I've relented on trashing a Justin Beiber track in
this column--that, and the fact that the teenage-girl mosh pits are sure to confront me if I go after their unattainable,
Twittering, bad-tempered beloved.
However, something is bugging me. Apparently, prolific
pop star Miley Cyrus wants to be treated as an adult now--while still
keeping her gig on the wholesome Disney Channel for the foreseeable
future.
That's the message we are getting from her latest single "Can't
Be Tamed." Miley--or whoever is calling the shots---is trying to have it
both ways, I guess. She wants to be treated like an adult? Fine.
First lesson: Learn to deal with criticism from cynical bastards.
The
track "Can't Be Tamed" calls back to every other time that
nearly-of-age artists get reinvented as edgy, gritty and sexy. As if
sexy wasn't a pole--uh, I mean point--already with Miley.
Sometimes it
works, as was the case with Rihanna's "Disturbia." More
often, it turns out awful--like Christina Aguilera's "Dirrty" and Britney
Spears' "I'm a Slave 4 U".
Actually, it might have been the bad
spelling that did those in.
Speaking of Britney, this track
sounds like a rip-off of a more recent track of hers: "If You Seek Amy."
The vacuum-cleaner synthesizers? Check. That beat out of Depeche Mode's
"Personal Jesus" that made a comeback this decade? Check.
Self-important lyrics? Check.
Another amusing point in the lyrics
was her utterance of the word "hell." My, my, Miley. how G-rated naughty
of you.
Bart Simpson would like a word.
The music video makes
Miley look like a poorly-conceived mash up of Rihanna, Hawkgirl and
daddy Billy Ray--just look at that mullet!
The risque clothing and
dance moves, although not unheard of among 17-year-old stars, is still
awkward given her Disney audience and that whole whore-or-nun choice
women her age are subjected to.
Hell, that's probably what caused
Lindsey Lohan to freak out.
Apparently, the album this appears as if it
will be the last before she sets of to a full-time acting career.
Which is fine. Good, even. But this
track? Probably not the best way to bow out of music.
