The Problem With... Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream."

Oh, joy! Everyone's favorite

California girl

's got another track on the charts.

Katy Perry doesn't really need an introduction at this point. She's the one that's got big, purty eyes, a competent voice. And her pastel, nostalgic style is being emulated all over the place.

So what's the problem with this artist? Ah: That'd be the whole cutesy, syrupy, Lolita image she's fronting. Sort of reminds me of all the times where artists try to act younger than they are--like Madonna and the album Hard Candy a couple years ago. which didn't fool anyone. Mostly, it was just weird.

It might also be that whole nostalgia thing, which I'll never get.

Anyway, all that stuff is spelled out upfront in the new single, "Teenage Dream," the titular track off the album hitting the streets in a couple weeks.

The song starts off with a guitar chord. (Hey, did you know Katy plays the guitar? So deep.) And it's got a verse sung in a high, thin voice. Upon reaching the first chorus, Perry's voice kicks in, and the track starts up that stale summer beat at 120 bpm, which keeps going through the whole song.

The lyrics are nothing to write home about. The one line that stands out is pretty goofy and out of place ("Got a motel/ and built a fort out of sheets") is fairly ridiculous. The ability to fortify while being drunk aside, building a kiddie fort is not my idea of a romantic night.

But that's just me.

All in all, this has all the qualities of successful pop song--that fun, nostalgic mood, the simple musical hook, and a pinch of sexy teasing.

Alas: This is me pointing at my tonsils, like a California "gurl," at the trite affair. Like, blech.

One other thing: Did she pronounce February as Feb-YOO-ary?

Let's call the whole thing off!

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