Black Helicopters over Dallas Don't Scare Us Because We Love America So Damn Much

To be fair, the Dallas Police Department's media unit did send us a press release last week informing us that "North Texas police departments are providing support for an urban training exercise at various unspecified sites." U.S. special operations forces need realistic urban settings for preparedness training, they said, because Kandahar resembles Dallas in so many ways.

Sadly, the release didn't mention any fleets of black helicopters buzzing overhead, otherwise we wouldn't have filed and forgotten it. Instead, we learned about the helicopters from Twitter, from two local journalists. "A search of 'helicopters' & 'Dallas' make it clear that 7 or 8 #blackedout stealth-style helicopters have been buzzing down/uptown," Daniel Rodrigue, a local journalism teacher and sometimes Observer-er Tweeted.

Well, not when we searched. And when we checked out #blackedout we didn't see any helicopters either, though there was an image of a young woman being "blackedout," we suppose, if that's a porn thing. You probably shouldn't look at it on your work computer.\

That seemed odd. Daniel is a reliable guy. Still, the Morning News put two and two together and said the helicopters were part of the training, but they didn't cite anything but the same press release we received.

Still, if you can't trust the Morning News, then you better call the police media office.

So we called the police media office to see if they had any more information. Coincidentally, the sergeant who sent the release was "off," but the person answering the phone said if we'd email our questions, they would be sent to the right person.

We sent the email and are waiting to hear back. We'll update as soon as we do. For now, we're just sitting here patiently, humming patriotic tunes and thinking about how much we love America, as we do most afternoons.

Paranoid? Us? Heck no. Oh sure, we live in a city that has seen in the last year an alleged "Ebola" outbreak, a flood of purported "children" flooding over the border, Texas Guardsmen shipped down to beat about the brush country and armed civilians marching up to the counter to order burritos at Chipotle. And a Texas legislator has proposed a bill that would essentially allow Texas to overthrow the federal government.

But we're certain that's all merely coincidence. And our minds -- well, not ours, but the minds of those who don't trust the government like we do -- will be put to rest as soon as we hear back from the police. Could be a while. Our Internet connection seems to have slowed down for some reason. But we promise to update, provided we hear back and are in place that has Internet service and our hands are free to type.

No worries though! We'll wait patiently, like good Americans do, and use the downtime to update our Christmas list. Let's see ... scratch off the new Playstation. Think we'll ask Santa instead for a pallet of bottled water, a couple of hundred pounds freeze-dried rations and 1,000 round of .22 LR ammo.

Hopefully Santa, or any other interested parties, know we've be extra good.

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Patrick Williams is editor-in-chief of the Dallas Observer.
Contact: Patrick Williams

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