Dallas Cowboy Orlando Scandrick Suspended Four Games for Taking Crappy Ecstasy

News reports this morning indicate that one of the Cowboys' few defensive bright spots from last season, cornerback Orlando Scandrick, has been suspended for the first four games of the 2014 regular season for violating the NFL's performance-enhancing substance abuse policy. Scandrick has already lost his appeal in the matter, so it looks like the Cowboys will be stuck with whatever the mercurial Mo Claiborne can give the on the outside for the first quarter of the season.

The details of Scandrick's indiscretion -- if his agent and ESPN's Ed Werder are to be believed -- are pretty mundane. While on vacation in Mexico with an ex-girlfriend, Scandrick, or someone in his party, mixed a drug -- reported by Werder to be MDMA -- purchased from a street vendor into a cocktail he was drinking.

See also: Don't Panic, But There's Probably Meth in Your Ecstasy and De-Wormer In Your Cocaine

According to reporting by Fox Sport's Jay Glazer, Scandrick received a harsher punishment than a typical NFL MDMA user. MDMA, by itself, is classified as a drug of abuse, like marijuana, for which first-time positive tests result in enrollment in the league's substance abuse program rather than a suspension. But Molly is often combined with an amphetamine to form the less-pure ecstasy, something Glazer says happened in Scandrick's case. Amphetamines are considered a performance enhancing substance according to the policy.

So, to recap: No games for Molly. Four games for Molly's shitty cousin E. A year for weed, and two games for punching your soon-to-be fiance in the head until she is unconscious before dragging her out of an Atlantic City casino's elevator by her hair.

Roger, Roger.

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