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Here's What the Dallas Observer is Going to Do When We Win Tonight's Powerball

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Quick programming note: Things are going to be light around here in the coming weeks. A bunch of us threw in on the Powerball, which is up to $550 million, and as everyone knows, the more people who get together on buying a ticket the better the odds. So I don't suspect we'll be around to do much blogging.

While most people just buy a ticket and forget about it, we spent some time thinking about what we'll do with the money. Here's what we came up with:

- Save the Twinkie.

- Buy The Dallas Morning News and publish everything but Steve Blow in Mandarin.

- Franchise Off-Site Kitchen, starting with a location in the intern's cubicle.

- Fire the intern.

- Rent out Cowboys Stadium, fill it with rice pudding.

- Buy D Magazine and rank Garland as the best suburb in every issue, mostly to screw with the people in Southlake.

- Buy a house in Southlake.

- Cowboys (-10) over the Eagles, huh Vegas? We'll take the points.

- Buy Museum Tower and turn it into a combination KFC/Taco Bell/homeless shelter. With louvers, of course.

- Buy Museum Tower and add the Eye of Sauron to it:

- Pitch in for a few weeks of Jennifer Sprague's salary.

- Buy the naming rights of Klyde Warren Park and change the name to Holy Shit Dallas Got a Park Park.

- Run for mayor, decree that in order to become a first-class city, the Hunt Hill Bridge and Holy Shit Dallas Got a Park Park must immediately switch places.

- Employ expensive consultants to scrub our archives of every reference we've made to Mitt Romney, taxes or Republicans, plus anything ever written by Schutze.

- Pay to change our names to those more appropriate for our new class -- Wedgewood Snitworth III, for example. Except for Brantley. His is fine.

- Walk-in weed humidor.

Keep the Dallas Observer Free... Since we started the Dallas Observer, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Dallas, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Dallas with no paywalls.

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Join the Observer community and help support independent local journalism in Dallas.


Join the Observer community and help support independent local journalism in Dallas.