Here's What the Dallas Observer is Going to Do When We Win Tonight's Powerball

Quick programming note: Things are going to be light around here in the coming weeks. A bunch of us threw in on the Powerball, which is up to $550 million, and as everyone knows, the more people who get together on buying a ticket the better the odds. So I don't suspect we'll be around to do much blogging.

While most people just buy a ticket and forget about it, we spent some time thinking about what we'll do with the money. Here's what we came up with:

- Save the Twinkie.

- Buy The Dallas Morning News and publish everything but Steve Blow in Mandarin.

- Franchise Off-Site Kitchen, starting with a location in the intern's cubicle.

- Fire the intern.

- Rent out Cowboys Stadium, fill it with rice pudding.

- Buy D Magazine and rank Garland as the best suburb in every issue, mostly to screw with the people in Southlake.

- Buy a house in Southlake.

- Cowboys (-10) over the Eagles, huh Vegas? We'll take the points.

- Buy Museum Tower and turn it into a combination KFC/Taco Bell/homeless shelter. With louvers, of course.

- Buy Museum Tower and add the Eye of Sauron to it:

- Pitch in for a few weeks of Jennifer Sprague's salary.

- Buy the naming rights of Klyde Warren Park and change the name to Holy Shit Dallas Got a Park Park.

- Run for mayor, decree that in order to become a first-class city, the Hunt Hill Bridge and Holy Shit Dallas Got a Park Park must immediately switch places.

- Employ expensive consultants to scrub our archives of every reference we've made to Mitt Romney, taxes or Republicans, plus anything ever written by Schutze.

- Pay to change our names to those more appropriate for our new class -- Wedgewood Snitworth III, for example. Except for Brantley. His is fine.

- Walk-in weed humidor.

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Joe Tone
Contact: Joe Tone