The other night, when Mark Cuban was snuggling with his shiny new safety blanket and dreaming about a flyover for Thursday's parade, this wasn't likely what he had in mind: The EPA will conduct low, slow fly-bys of Dallas over the next day or so, taking "baseline air samples" so officials know just how fucked we are in the event of a chemical attack on parade day.
Although, let's be honest: At this point even the terrorists love Dirk. That LeBron's a total infidel.
The flyovers, announced last night by the Dallas Police Department with a "don't be alarmed" addendum, will be similar to ones conducted in the lead up to the Super Bowl, the difference being that instead of hundreds of thousands lanyard-wearing VIPs from everywhere but Dallas, this event is expected to draw as many as 250,000 hometown boys and girls, many of whom will be too drunk to notice that their carefully painted skin is melting right off. The planes apparently fly as low as 500 feet. So, you know, wave hello or something.
Keep the Dallas Observer Free... Since we started the Dallas Observer, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Dallas, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Dallas with no paywalls.