Ted Cruz Finally Has His Own Children's Coloring Book

Following up on the blockbuster success of the Tea Party Coloring Book for Kids and its masterful sequel, the Tea Party II: Why America Loves You "social-activist coloring book for kids" St. Louis-based Really Big Coloring Books, Inc. has come through with another sure-fire bestseller: Cruz to the Future, a "non-partisan, fact driven" kid's activity book profiling Texas' junior senator.

And really, what red-blooded American child wouldn't want to take a crayon to this silhouette of Ted Cruz' jowly face?

See also: Ted Cruz is Spending the Shutdown Picking Apples

As one may have gleaned from the legend describing Cruz as a "passionate fighter for limited government, economic growth, and the Constitution," RBCB's claims of objectivity are fairly thin, and publisher Wayne Bell's praise for the senator tends toward hagiography.

The Ted Cruz coloring book is "suitable for any student desk in America, as millions of people across the country admire, respect and portray Mr. Cruz as a positive role model for children," Bell said. "Parents have told our company they enjoy modern day heroes and positive role models in children's literature and Mr. Cruz as a sitting U.S. Senator certainly meets the criteria."

And here's an excerpt from the page on Cruz' quasi-filibuster:

Rafael Edward "Ted" Cruz gave an epic 21-hour and 19 minute speech on the Senate floor in September 2013. He gave the impassioned speech because of his beliefs, and he stood up for the American people like no other political figure has done in decades. Truth-be-known, a lot of the career establishment politicians are far too out of shape, old or overweight to even perform such a magnificent feat, God bless them all.

It goes on to praise his "clairvoyant precision" in predicting the "Obama Care disaster," which is "dangerous" and will cost "many American lives."

See also: Ted Cruz for President: Everybody Just Shut Up and Let This Happen

But calling RBCB a right-wing propaganda machine wouldn't do it justice. After all, the company has also published an Occupy coloring book ("Costing the US Taxpayer millions of dollars the nation grew tired of the event as quickly as it began."); Being Gay is Okay, complete with "Fabulous Gay Sharing Cards"; and The Most Dynamite Hip Hop Coloring Book on the Planet, Probably the Universe ("No matter the age, race, economic status or background hip hop will get you to bust a move.")

You should probably just buy all of them.

Send your story tips to the author, Eric Nicholson.

KEEP THE DALLAS OBSERVER FREE... Since we started the Dallas Observer, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Dallas, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Eric Nicholson
Contact: Eric Nicholson