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Kanye, Kim and Dan: Winners and Losers

It sounds like the setup to a joke: Kanye West, Kim Kardashian and Texas Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick all went to church together on Sunday. Rather than setting up some humor at the expense of two of the world's biggest celebrities and Texas' most powerful politician, however, the unlikely trio did actually get together in Houston over the weekend.

Kanye West, Kim Kardashian and Dan Patrick hung out this weekend. That's not a joke.EXPAND
Kanye West, Kim Kardashian and Dan Patrick hung out this weekend. That's not a joke.
Rich Fury/Getty Images

West, of course, has a new, Christian album to promote. Kardashian thought she might get some help with the criminal justice reforms she champions, and Patrick, well, he had the opportunity to get himself on TV, something he can never manage to turn down.

The whole thing, which took place at prosperity gospel apostle Joel Osteen's massive Lakewood Church, was a sign that we truly are living in the dumbest timeline. Or maybe we're already in hell. Whatever the case, let's identify some winners and losers from the whole mess.

Losers

Kanye West — West has sold Jesus Is King as a sincere album meant to "share the gospel and the truth of what Jesus has done to me," something he backed up by performing a special concert at the Harris County Jail on Saturday. Then, when he could have taken the show to any number of churches in Houston the next day, he chose to go to one led by Osteen, who is, of course, the first person you think of when you think of the word "sincere."

Joel Osteen — If only because anyone Googling "Who is Joel Osteen?" will find, right below his Wikipedia entry, a Washington Post piece titled "Here's Why People Hate Joel Osteen." No chance at all he's getting used by West, either.

Kim Kardashian — Kardashian's fight for criminal justice is laudable. Getting used as a prop by Patrick, the anti-trans lieutenant governor who's personally stopped any significant efforts to reform Texas' marijuana laws, isn't. Patrick is pro-death penalty, pro-cop and has shown through his leadership in the Texas Senate that he has little interest in fixing a broken system. He isn't the kind of guy you want tied to a reform effort.

Dan Patrick — At some point, West is going to take another heel turn. How's another "George Bush doesn't care about black people" or "Imma let you finish" moment going to play with the GOP primary electorate? 

Anyone There for the Music — Imagine being at a West show and only hearing tracks from Jesus Is King, which sucks, when literally anything from any of his other albums would've been better.

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Winners

This kid caught wearing a knowing smirk between Patrick and Kardashian. He gets it. 

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