Lists, Rankings and Guesstimations

The 10 Worst Sports Mascots of All-Time

It was the worst of times. It was the best of times. In that order.

There is a God.

One who, of course, loves sports. And one who, when peering through the hole in the roof, hates what the Dallas Cowboys' ridiculous mascot does to his favorite team. In other words, Rowdy has been banned.

According to this USA Today story – with props to Tim McMahon of Dallas’ Only Daily – Rowdy’s role will continue to be diminished when the Cowboys host the 49ers Sunday at Texas Stadium. Seems the NFL doesn’t like players using props – leather, human, idiot or otherwise.

Thankfully, the obnoxious dork in the giant foam hat -- and the facial expression like somebody plunged some ecstasy in his morning Joe -- won’t be zooming around the field on a 4-wheeler and waving off opponents’ perfectly good field goals.

Alas, the damage is done.

Rowdy sucks. Enough to crack my all-time list of nauseating mascots. While the San Diego Chicken, Crazy Ray, Dancing Barry, Inflatable Mavs Man and the Suns’ Gorilla actually make you laugh, these revolting creatures just make you sick:

10. Skeeter – Mesquite High School is represented by a mosquito. What, maggot was already taken?

9. Sebastian the Ibis – Perhaps Miami meant “the Duck”?

8. Super Frog – What strand of ‘roids is this TCU thing on?

7. Al the Elephant – Roll Tide Roll. Sure. University of Alabama. Elephants. I get it. Wait. What?

6. Bernie Brewer – A mustachioed man sliding down a yellow slide into a giant vat of beer. What's not to like?

5. Otto the Orange – Hey, Kool-Aid!

4. Captain 'Cane – Even a paltry F1 twister should be pissed at this Tulsa University portrayal.

4. Sparky – Nothing says redneck like Texas Motor Speedway’s foam sparkplug.

3. Nimrod – Watersmeet (Mich.) High School’s mascot tryouts are reserved for special students.

2. Rowdy – Better suited for Brokeback Mountain than Texas Stadium.

1. Stanford Tree -- W. T. F.? -- Richie Whitt

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Richie Whitt
Contact: Richie Whitt