For the next God knows how long, Terrell Owens will be healing his hammy in a hyperbaric chamber. How weird, creepy and unsportsmanlike of him.

Think Pink

Getcha popcorn ready. And, while you're at it, keep the Pepto-Bismol handy. As the Dallas Cowboys are already starting to figure out, Terrell Owens comes with equal parts nirvana and nausea. At training camp in Oxnard, California, the Cowboys' newest, bestest receiver has been more Floyd Landis than T.O. No, he hasn't tested positive for synthetic testosterone, but he has spent more time pedaling a stationary bike than catching footballs.

A sore left hammy has limited T.O. to just seven practices. He says he'll miss Saturday's pre-season opener at Seattle. If he does, he will have missed 10 practices, an intrasquad scrimmage and a game. Nice. More important, he's re-establishing his mantra of T.O. over team. Rather than let Dallas' medical staff treat his injury, Owens is flying in his personal doctors and a hyperbaric chamber to accelerate the healing. That's what we in the medical biz call a slap in the face.

All of this, of course, comes as news to coach Bill Parcells, who is approaching T.O.'s past, present and future with all the aplomb of Beavis & Butthead. "I don't know exactly," Parcells said Monday when asked about T.O.'s status. "I haven't really thought about that, matter of fact, so I don't know. Maybe not knowing exactly is all I'm capable of knowing at this point."

Asked during his daily press conference if he was upset by T.O.'s absence, Parcells wondered if it seemed like he was upset. Told that the media really couldn't tell his emotional state, Parcells insisted, "Maybe that's a good thing." Pass the Pepto. --Richie Whitt

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