First Look

First Look: Slow Bone BBQ

Jack Perkins' new BBQstaurant, Slow Bone, will ("hopefully") be open this Tuesday. I pretended not to know how time works and I went for lunch today. It worked for me once. Pretty sure it won't work again. But, we can all enjoy the results. Behold: the meats and other food-and-beverage-type things of Slow Bone.

I tried a little bit of everything Slow Bone had to offer. That meant two trays of food for one person. A kind fellow at the restaurant only saw my second tray, with sauce, tomato cucumber salad and pea salad. He was immediately concerned.

Concerned Dude: "You're gonna come to a barbecue place and just get salad?"

Me: "Oh no, sweetheart. That's my second tray."

Nice Lady at the Counter: "Will you need two knife-and-fork set-ups?"

Me: "Nope. Just one. Thanks."

Concerned Dude: (No longer concerned. Slow claps me.)

The trays, from top to bottom, left to right: tomato cucumber salad, pea salad, sauce, brisket, hush puppy from heaven, sausage, cilantro sausage, chicken, ribs, greens, cornbread, jalapeño macaroni and cheese, cauliflower Brussels sprouts amazebomb, green bean casserole, sweet potatoes thing.

I took a moment to ask The Mr. Jack Perkins some hard-hitting questions about his new restaurant. He took a moment to answer them:

Me: Where did the name "Slow Bone" come from? Is that a family name? The Mr. Jack Perkins: Yes. It was the name of my adopted cousin.

Me: Is your smoker a boy or a girl? What's his/her name? The Mr. Jack Perkins: It's a girl. We wanted a girl smoking our sausage. Her name's Miss Jessie.

Me: When will Slow Bone officially open to The People? The Mr. Jack Perkins: Tuesday. Hopefully Tuesday. Our regular restaurant hours will be 11 a.m. until 7 p.m. We'll never run out of food. Everything's made fresh daily. Near the end of the night, we might run specials if we have whole briskets left. I'll send out a message and people can pick those up at the to-go window.

Me: Will the to-go window have a pound-limit for orders? The Mr. Jack Perkins: It shouldn't.

Me: I see beer taps. Will there be other boozes? The Mr. Jack Perkins: Just beer. Nothing fancy -- no IPAs.

Me: What's in those cauliflower Brussels sprouts? There's gotta be some secret ingredient. The Mr. Jack Perkins: Angel queefs.

Me: Yeah, thought so. Those must be difficult to source. The Mr. Jack Perkins: Yeah. They're seasonal.

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Alice Laussade writes about food, kids, music, and anything else she finds to be completely ridiculous. She created and hosts the Dallas event, Meat Fight, which is a barbecue competition and fundraiser that benefits the National MS Society. Last year, the event raised $100,000 for people living with MS, and 750 people could be seen shoving sausage links into their faces. And one time, she won a James Beard Award for Humor in Writing. That was pretty cool.
Contact: Alice Laussade