Holidays

Five Alternatives to Traditional Thanksgiving Stuffing!

Yesterday, we found this post from The Cupcake Project, which clearly shows a Thanksgiving turkey with cupcakes shoved in its hole. The cranberry cupcakes are fully cooked, then put inside the turkey while the turkey cooks. The cupcakes, "...exposed to juices from the bird developed a stuffing-like texture and tasted like a Thanksgiving feast of stuffing, turkey, and cranberry sauce: warm, cozy, comfort food."

If you'd like to get on the stuffing-shit-inside-a-turkey-that's-not-traditional-stuffing train this year, we figured you could use some more ideas besides soggy cupcakes. If we're going to kick tradition in its tradition nuts, why stop at cupcake stuffing, right?

1) Twinkie turkey

If you got your hands on what might be the last Twinkies ever, stuff those jerks in a turkey and be most thankful for them. Enjoy your looks-like-a-buncha-tampons-in-a-turkey turkey.

2) Tropical TUMS turkey

Calcium: it's something your body needs anyway. And the tropical ones are the best ones.

3) Yahtzee Turkey

Board Game Turkey is never a bad choice. Just be sure to put the whole box in there. And be smart about the board game you choose to stuff your turkey with. Monopoly pieces can be surprisingly hard to fish out of a turkey's junk.

4) Ke$ha turkey

To make a Ke$ha Thanksgiving turkey, shove these ingredients inside the turkey hole pre-oven: 1 pack Lucky Strike unfiltered cigarettes, 1 liter Jack Daniels (in bottle), 1 auto tuner, the crazed groupie tears of the LA Fitness step class instructor who uses Tik Tok on repeat for her routines but who has also never been to a rave. Cook until desperation, glitter, and a waft of chlamydia and general lack of talent invade your home.

5) The Cast of The Mentalist Turkey

You get all the people from CBS's hit pretty-man-psychic cop drama, The Mentalist. And you need a duck, a chicken and giant, live turkey.

So, first you make the dumb guy eat a duck and a chicken. Then, lady boss eats the dumb guy, Cho then eats the lady boss, then the hot chick eats Cho, and then The Mentalist from The Mentalist eats the hot chick and then you get your giant, live turkey to eat that The Mentalist personducken, and once the personducken is in the turkey, you have turkTheMentalistducken. Be super thankful.

Happy turkey stuffing, everyone. We hope you get all up in there.

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Alice Laussade writes about food, kids, music, and anything else she finds to be completely ridiculous. She created and hosts the Dallas event, Meat Fight, which is a barbecue competition and fundraiser that benefits the National MS Society. Last year, the event raised $100,000 for people living with MS, and 750 people could be seen shoving sausage links into their faces. And one time, she won a James Beard Award for Humor in Writing. That was pretty cool.
Contact: Alice Laussade