Yes, underneath the genteel façade of manners, etiquette, and sophistication rests the great dormant beast of prehistoric humanity. Centuries of culture and knowledge cannot destroy this remnant of an uncivilized age. From corny dogs to marshmallows to blackened gator, we still enjoy food on a stick.
This theory is the product of centuries and is therefore immutably correct. However, it fails to address a crucial question: What are our favorite foods on a stick?
People around Dallas clearly favor meat (or meat by-products) and frozen flavored sugar water on sticks. Corn dogs topped shish kebab, sausage on a stick, teriyaki chicken, and gator on a stick by a 3-to-1 margin. Todd Emmons, for example, enjoys corn dogs "because they remind me of the state fair." When informed that Texans--and perhaps only Texans--refer to corn dogs by the more masculine term "corny dog," Emmons seemed perplexed, no doubt subconsciously frightened of the prehistoric beast dwelling within. "Are they corny dogs?" he asked. "I thought they were corn dogs." Jennifer Deason hinted more directly at the connection between past and present. "They are not messy, and they are better than the medieval stuff on a stick they serve at the Oklahoma fair," she said of corn dogs.
Perhaps some states just evolve a little more slowly than others. Case in point: Louisiana serves gator on a stick--a meal drenched in prehistoric symbolism, especially when prepared as blackened gator. Chris O'Hagan prefers the more sophisticated meal of chicken teriyaki on a stick because "it tastes like chicken." Jeff Molnar agreed with the chicken theme, suggesting that chicken fingers should come prepared on a stick--"chickensicles," he calls them. And he's in marketing.
Popsicles, ice cream bars, and other frozen desserts finished a close second to corn dogs. Yet many adult fans of Popsicles seemed hesitant to address the food-on-a-stick question--as if they marked the transition between savage and civilized and sought to distance themselves from the dark rituals of our ancestors (and their corn dog-eating descendents). "I don't eat hot dogs, so I don't eat anything on a stick," Monica Valdez asserted before admitting her passion for Popsicles. Doug Witt pretended not to know of any foods on a stick before sharing his craving for Push-Ups. "The only other thing I can think of is teriyaki," he lied, "but I like Push-Ups better."
Clearly, then, corn dogs and Popsicles are our favorite foods on a stick.
