Cheap Bastard

Tam's Egg Roll

Tam's Egg Roll looks dark from the outside and way too small to even have an actual kitchen in it, but open the door and you're immediately transported to a land of stir-fried goodness. Sure, there are some giant creepy masks and giant handheld fans on the walls (put there in an effort to make the place look even smaller?) but if you just avert your eyes and focus on the menu, I promise everything will turn out just fine. And hey, if it doesn't, Medical City's right across the street!

The paint on the windows boasting "$1.99 egg roll and a drink" is enough to catch the attention of any cheap ass, but the menu inside is even better. Monday through Saturday they have 12 lunch specials ranging from sweet and sour pork to garlic beef, (plus you get an egg roll, fried rice and a fortune cookie) all for $5.99 or less. They also have a happy hour every Monday through Friday from 3 till 4 p.m. when you can get any item on the menu for $5.49.

I had a hankering for some chicken lo mein. So, yeah, I passed on the egg roll this time. Seemed too obvious. Like ordering the macaroni grill at The Macaroni Grill.

And then I waited. This part surprised me. I was there at about 2 p.m., way after any lunch rush, but there was still a line. And the reason for the line is that there's a chef back in the kitchen making the food to order. Or, at the very least, there's some dude back there making a "tsss" noise and clanging some pots and pans to make it sound like he's making each dish to order. Either way, I'm happy.

Just as I'm about to go into Fungry Where the Tso Is My Food Bitch Mode, my food's up. The first bite of lo mein was super bland. But then I saw the spicy sauce bucket in my bag of food, and that made everything all better. Turns out instead of asking you how spicy you want it, they offer up the sauce and it's "make your own spicy level" time. Don't want to go through the trouble of spicy-ing up your own meal? Go to P.F. Chang's and pay double the price for double the douchery.

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Alice Laussade writes about food, kids, music, and anything else she finds to be completely ridiculous. She created and hosts the Dallas event, Meat Fight, which is a barbecue competition and fundraiser that benefits the National MS Society. Last year, the event raised $100,000 for people living with MS, and 750 people could be seen shoving sausage links into their faces. And one time, she won a James Beard Award for Humor in Writing. That was pretty cool.
Contact: Alice Laussade