Serious Pizza Brings Out the Big Guns

Cheap Bastard finds that size matters. Of course she did.

The first rule of ordering pizza from Serious Pizza: Read the menu. And when you read it, notice that the large pizza is 24 inches. (For reference, a Domino's large is a mere 14 inches.) The large from Serious Pizza does not, how you say, fuck around. It's so big, in fact, that the motherfarting pizza box it's inside does not fit through the door of a Ford Escape. I had to pop the trunk. Pretty sure this is exactly how Ford pictured their sports utility vehicle would be used. "And you just pop the trunk when Fatty McDildo orders too much pizza!"

It's a pretty good deal for just $14.50—ya know, if you have 50 friends, or if you're into gaining 20 pounds in one sitting, or if you've always dreamed of sleeping inside of a pizza box. Still not big enough? Lucky for none of us tubtowns around here, Serious Pizza offers a 30-inch extra large for just $22.75. FYI, it's BYOCrane. (Note: Serious Pizza does not offer delivery. It's just dine-in or forklift-out.)

Drunk in Deep Ellum and just craving a single slice? You're obviously some kind of pussy. But, if you insist, you can get that for $3.25, plus 75 cents per extra topping. Serious Pizza's specialty slices are $5.75, and almost all of them come with five toppings. So if you do the math, it's cheaper to just let them tell you what toppings should go on your pizza, especially if you like a lot of stuff on there. If you learned math in a DISD school, don't hurt your eyebrows trying to crunch those numbers right now. Just trust me. Also, probably a good idea to bring your debit card instead of trying to count your change in public.

Location Info

Map

Serious Pizza

2807 Elm St.
Dallas, TX 75226

Category: Restaurant > Italian

Region: Downtown & Deep Ellum

I ordered my pizza with pepperoni, Italian sausage (definitely get you some of this) and banana peppers. The crust is thin, New York-style, and hand-thrown in the kitchen, and it comes out crispy. I was really glad it wasn't soggy. "Soggy New York crust" just isn't a good combo of tastes or words.

Vegetarian? I will now make you grunt uncontrollably by simply listing more toppings from Serious' kaleidoscopic menu options: Portabello mushrooms. Artichokes. Feta. Fresh basil. Ricotta. Sun-dried tomatoes. Pesto. Ugh—I've got hippie all over me. Meatballs. Hot sausage. That's better.

 
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6 comments
bobbyv
bobbyv

Serious has become my favorite pizza place. You know I like it because I actually eat the end crust. They need to make some bread out of that crust!!

Evan
Evan

The fact that's its huge doesn't make up for the fact that it's not any good. Zini's and Mamma Mia's are way better.

PlatypusRage
PlatypusRage

I usually enjoy any food that tells modern car interior design to go screw it's self.

Chris Danger
Chris Danger

Im digging this place, the foods great, the staff is really cool and its in a prime location on Elm. Forget everything Andrea Grimes has to say about this place, its really damn good..

Coleman
Coleman

They've got a really decent beer selection too, including 40's of various gutterbrews.

Blopiccolo
Blopiccolo

I love food reviews without photos.

 
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