Stop working. Stop talking. Stop everything. Stand up. Stretch. This is our time, Dallas.
And by “our time,” we mean Bravo announced the The Real Housewives of Dallas cast, so buckle up, bitches, because RHOD wasn’t just some weird nightmare you had. It’s actually happening. Really, really happening. It airs on Bravo April 11 at 9 p.m. Are you scared? Good, we are, too.
And the cast of the biggest show to take Dallas since Courtney Loves Dallas (God, help us) is….
She’s been tied to a Bravo reality show since it was called Ladies of Dallas, which was going to be about — wait for it — the ladies of Dallas. Now she’s graduated and moved on to The Real Housewives, but, like, is she even a housewife? Like, is there even a husband to her “wife” or are we dealing with a Real Housegirlfriend of Dallas? Is LeeAnne Locken married to the mysterious silverfox she’s always photographed with? “Mysterious” as in Rich Emberlin, who was on Dallas SWAT, an A&E reality show focusing on — wait, don’t guess — the Dallas SWAT team. Or are they just dating? We need answers, Bravo.
Since we speculated about the cast and included Tiffany Hendra, the fashion blogger/vlogger has been seen attending charity events and filming makeup tutorials and other “chic” things fashion vloggers do.
Get out the pom poms and kick up your boots, because we’ve got a former Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader on cast! The Internet tells us she’s married to a fellow redhead and together they have two redheads kids, completely tackling and putting an end to the whole ‘redheads are about to go extinct’ thing.
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She was our wildcard, but what do you know, she made it, baby. Wife of Travis Hollman — president of Hollman Inc., manufacturer of wood and laminate lockers — Stephanie Hollman has been laying pretty low. Yeah, she does things, but according to Instagram (the Housewives Bible), she doesn’t really hang with the others in the cast. Wow! The scandal! Is this even allowed! We can’t wait for this storyline!
Cary Deuber, wife of plastic surgeon Dr. Mark Deuber, handles a “super busy schedule.” How do we know that? Because she says so! On her website! She’s a full-time mom (not a silly part-time one), a wife (full-time or…?), animal lover, certified registered nurse first assistant, “dedicated yogi” (full-time?), philanthropist and travel guru.
Founder of SkinSpaMED, Marie Reyes calls herself an entrepreneur, mom and beauty addict. On her SkinSpaMED website, she says, “Using Botox for the first time blew me away.” She began formal Botox injection techniques in 2000, so, like, how does this work? Will Marie and Cary’s husband have a plastic surgery showdown? Will there be a wrestling contest to determine who can have the tightest, best-looking face? Is anyone even ready for any of this?
Know any of these women? We want to hear from you.