You want to rudely exclaim how much you love or hate a dish, but thinking makes your brain hurt, right? Now, there's an easier way! Just use the Cheap Bastard sentence generator. Here's how it works: 1) Type in the food item. 2) If you loved it more than puppies, click "like." If you hated its ass face, click "dislike." 3) Be happier.

Read the full cover story: The Cheap Bastard's Ultimate Guide to Dallas