Stop Everything Ever, Taco Bell is Delivering in Dallas Now
Artist rendering of what you can have delivered to your face, now.
I assume things like the following are happening right now: Shafts of light are exploding through a storm cloud. Two complete strangers are suddenly buying each other beers and spending the day together, laughing. Trash is being removed from a park bench by hand. A dolphin is being released from its net, as crystalline, happy tears roll down its cheek. This is all happening right now because of the news that broke just a few hours ago: Taco Bell is delivering in Dallas. Are you OK? I have dust in my eye too. It’s good. It’s all good news.
Taco Bell also is delivering in Los Angeles, San Francisco and Dallas. Yes, now they come to you. Just writing that made me feel minted in gold. I just heard fireworks made of diamonds, I think. DoorDash is the company that’s allowing this generous act of humanity. There’s even a hashtag: #TacoBellDelivery, which marks the first time I’ve ever wanted to call my mom and dad and tell them about a hashtag. A few notes for you after quickly looking over Taco Bell’s newly launched splash page for the Great Taco Bell Delivery Announcement:
- First delivery fee is only $1, so here comes my order of 1,000 Supreme Tacos
- There’s no minimum order size, which further solidifies my order of a week’s worth of tacos
- I’m really happy right now
- Let’s all write letters, penned in mild sauce, to thank DoorDash for delivering Taco Bell to us
- Tips are optional, but I believe $4,000 is in order *Goes to withdraw all the money from bank account*
- Is it possible to award a fast-food company with a Nobel Peace Prize?
Right now, I’m seeing delivery times under an hour. I’d be fine with four to 12 hours, as long as a Crunchwrap Supreme announces itself on my doorstop with a sour cream coronation. What a day in the life of Earth.
Here's how you can make Taco Bell come to your face.
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