Globiephobia

I want to tell you how exciting it is that the Harlem Globetrotters are coming to Dallas. They’re legends. They do amazing charity work. They play more games than any NBA team ever will and have won more than 21,000 of them. As a kid, I thought the Globetrotters were magic, with the spinning and the dribbling and the dunking. They were on Scooby Doo, for chrissakes. I can maybe name eight professional basketball players total, and two of them are Meadowlark Lemon and Curly Neal. So I should be thrilled about the Globetrotters’ upcoming exhibition games. But I cannot get past Globie. I’ve seen some terrifying basketball mascots (I’m talking to you, Squatch), but the gigantic-headed Globie takes the cake. It takes that cake all the way to Nightmare Town and devours it with its gloved blue hands. It is a swollen freak show from start to finish. If my own child were born even remotely resembling Globie, I would kill and eat it before the evil could escape. I’m just saying…it’s scary. The Harlem Globetrotters face the New York Nationals at 7 p.m. Friday and 1 p.m. Saturday at the American Airlines Center, 2500 Victory Ave. Tickets start at $15. Call 214-373-8000 or visit www.ticketmaster.com

Fri., Feb. 3, 7 p.m.; Sat., Feb. 4, 1 p.m.