Jessica Simpson, You Like? Very Nice. Great Success. Big Movie Star, Yes?

Seems like only last Christmas Eve we were tallying the box office for Jessica Simpson’s movie Blonde Ambition, only to realize that it took in the amount of pocket change found in Mark Cuban’s couch — about $400, rounding up to be nice. And, for about 29 seconds thereafter, we wondered what would become of its follow-up, the clearly intended to be ironically titled Major Movie Star, likewise funded by Papa Joe. Turns out, the thing opened two weeks ago — in Russia! But, fret not, it goes wide on November 7 — in Bulgaria! It’s but a matter of days before it gets red-carpet treatment in Ukraine, where, lest we forget but how could we, Simpson is “ideal of American beauty and style, like Barbie.” –Robert Wilonsky