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They’re probably just busy. That’s why they haven’t texted back. Until the next morning, when they still haven’t said anything. Maybe they’re sick and just aren’t on their phone for a couple of days. By the week mark, the only reasonable explanation for extended silence is a medically induced coma. Or you’re being ghosted. But a tragic accident resulting in a vegetative state hurts less.
Ghosting isn’t a new concept. Generations of women are tied by a thread strung by a man who never calls. Or, before the advent of the landline, never sent the carrier pigeon with sweet nothings tied to its ankle. Today, with the ease of text communication, sudden abandonment has never been easier.
A Forbes Health survey found that about 60% of 5,000 U.S. respondents had been ghosted. But other reports indicate that Texas may be one of the least ghosted states in the country. Another study from NumberBarn, surveyed 1,500 residents in the 30 largest metropolitan areas. We didn’t break the top 15. (We feel for singles in Austin, who came in at fourth).
Dallasites may not even be too worried about their talking phase crossing the threshold. The polyamorous online dating service Sister Wives assessed Google search trends and analytics and found that Texans are searching items related to ghosting at far lower rates when analyzed proportionally to population. The study found the exact opposite of what you’d expect. Small towns are more likely to have anxieties about filling the graveyard of former situationships.
“Residents in smaller states are more worried about ghosting due to the limited dating pool,” Sister Wives CEO Christopher Alesich said in the study. “The risk of running into the person who ghosted you is higher in these smaller towns. This adds another level of anxiety to the situationship, and it becomes harder to ignore.”
Nature of the Game
Licensed counselor and founder of Pillow Talk Sex Therapy, Megan McKinney, works with singles and couples in North Texas, and according to her, the propensity to ghost and the reaction to being ghosted all depend on how people attach.
“It’s very dependent on the person,” she said to the Observer. “If both people are pretty secure and haven’t put a ton of emotional stock into someone they just met on an app, then they might be disappointed at first, but then they just keep going.”
McKinney said people with anxious attachment styles, who develop strong feelings very quickly, are going to be easily scorned. People with avoidant attachment styles, hoping to avoid confrontation at all costs, are most likely to disappear.
“People have kind of resigned attitudes, meaning they know [ghosting] is sort of the nature of the game,” she said. “Apps are very, very fickle. Essentially, the way those communications are going to end is also going to look pretty fickle.”
Most people, no matter how much it hurts, accept that ghosting is not new to the dating pool; it might just happen a little more often.
“Things naturally moved slower [before apps],” McKinney said. “There had to be mindfulness behind things. Now, everything is quick. You could talk to someone 24/7 if you really wanted to.”
But worse than ghosting, McKinney said, is when they haunt you. Haunting is the inevitable return of the person who ghosted you, usually just popping in via Instagram DM or story like, without any real substance or apology. But that’s a story for a different time.
If you’re waiting on a text from a Casanova right now, we hope he wakes from his coma soon.
