Tom Jones

Laydeez, raise the terror alert to red and don your protective gear. Local authorities have identified a serious threat to your panties. Look out for Tom Jones, suspected leader of a known terror cell, the Panty Patrol (no confirmed affiliation with Taylor Hicks’ Soul Patrol, though they have similar M.O.s.) Jones is said to be armed with a crooning voice and devastating smile, but he may also possess a WMD, or “weapon for moms’ drawers.” This WMD may prompt middle-aged women to toss undergarments at Jones, creating tragic loss of vital control tops. To avoid the long-term consequences of a WMD, local authorities suggest potential victims use the utmost of care in attending Tom Jones’ concert.

Thu., July 3, 2008