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There isn’t much that Austinites have on Dallas. Their skyline is unimpressive, their highways are somehow even worse than ours, and Elon Musk is now their problem. Not many wins. However, there is one thing that seems to exist in abundance in Austin: hot men.
Let us be clear that there’s no scientific data to support this claim. We just recently took a weekend trip down to the weird city before Austin City Limits tourism tainted the control group, and the surplus of hotties was unignorable. Let’s just say, it’s a city of opportunity, not constrained to just one prototype of sexy.
In dive bar back alleys, there were 5 o’clock shadows taking drags of cigarettes and suavely bobbing to the squeaking strums of whoever the closest local musician was. We could have sworn a group of men drinking brews and playing Frisbee on the endless plane of Zilker Park had just walked off the cover of GQ. And you can’t forget the heel-toe click of the California-transplant cowboy wannabes strolling down Congress Street in tattered Wranglers.
We’re not here to determine the validity of Cowboy culture and its appropriators. Nor are we here to discuss the waning weirdness of Austin as more transplants move into the city; we’ll leave that to the Austin Chronicle. After all, we’re just observers, but what we observed was hot.
Suffice it to say that if beauty is in the eye of the beholder, then everyone in Austin must have perfect 20/20. It’s hard not to consider cross-regional travel just to ogle.
We’re not saying Dallas doesn’t have its fair share of eligible bachelors. They exist. We hope. But we’re fairly certain that at any given moment, at least a few of them can be found waiting at the airport for their one-way flight to Austin.
Our only theory as to why the men in Austin are so much hotter, aside from the 2-3 degree temperature difference that occurs due to the latitude shift, is the booming tech sector, influx of influencers, propensity to stay put after graduation and greater presence of music and movie makers. It does feel as if this post-pandemic influx of interest in the capital city has also made the slate of men more diverse.
We’re also regular scrollers on TikTok, and we know Austin’s girls and gays have plenty of their own grievances with their dating pool, but they have the luxury of literally turning the corner and finding a new passerby to distract from whoever ghosted them after an idyllic date at Barton Springs. We aren’t exaggerating when we say the handsome men are everywhere.
And at this point, if we’re to be surrounded by men who love cuckolding and (or) polyamory in this state, forgive us for wanting to prioritize the ones who also enjoy live music, paddleboarding and hiking.
We love Big D, though, and there’s a lot to appreciate up here in North Texas, too. Maybe the looming air of cuffing season just has us thinking the grass is greener. We do take solace in knowing that we don’t have to worry if the cute boy we met at the bookstore is a secret Joe Rogan fanatic, nearly as much as the capital city dwellers. But if Dallas lands itself on one more “Worst Cities For Singles” list, we might consider the unimaginable: a move to Houston.
Who are we kidding? We’d never go to Houston.
