What is it about churches that make people believe what they’re doing inside is worth wearing pants to? Sunday after Sunday, they pack in like sardines (well, try to use your imagination, Catholicism) to hear some dude yammer. Same goes for weddings. Some dude yammering, plus the bride’s BFF singing…
It’s another few months before Scarborough Faire gets started out in Waxahachie, and you can’t keep watching Stardust every night or that poor DVD’s going to be as worn out as your copy of Busty Wenches XVII: Codpiece Cove. Where to go for your Middle Ages romance fix? Why, Addison,…
These days, it seems like it’s harder not to be the cool, hipster parent. What with the availability of adorable onesies adorned with choice crass, four-letter words and schools of rock for aspiring underage Lemmys, the hip life has been pre- and tinily packaged for kiddos. Case in point: The…
Are you a Jerry Bruckheimer film, or are you a Gus Van Sant film? In the movie version of your fascinating, brilliant self, do you feature Nicolas Cage at the height of his ass-kicking action flick career, or an unknown pair of precocious Bostonians named Matt and Ben? If even…
Most of the time you’d be well advised to stay away from an event titled Gaps, Sinkholes and Chasms. Sounds like the kind of thing that would only appeal to the most avid spelunker or, for the more brave at heart, to those souls who dont fear a particularly skeezy…
Comedian Henry Cho claims that he could do his show in a church. Big damned deal! I could do my show in a church too. It’s not like there’s some law that says you have to wear pants to church. Except for that public lewdness stuff, but I really doubt…
I don’t know a whole lot about taking care of children, but I’m pretty sure I’m capable of getting one to go to sleep without cheating by using ether blunt objects or “Daddy’s special medicine.” Yeah, I’ve got the secret: Make bedtime a quiet time, filled with love and hugs…
The Texas Fishing, Hunting and Outdoors Show claims to be “THE GREATEST OUTDOORS SHOW IN TEXAS,” which is suspicious because I’m pretty sure “THE GREATEST OUTDOORS SHOW IN TEXAS” includes me, six to eight cans of High Life, a headlamp and 45 minutes of trying to find a tree to…
Alton Brown is everything that is good and righteous about American television. Yes, he knows you’re a bunch of bloated, lazy squids oozing your fatty ink of capitalist consumerism all over Mom’s good carpet. And yet he wants to educate you with the Mythbusters of foodie shows, Good Eats. I…
The press release for the Simply Waiting, Simply Hoping, Simply Celebrating art show at CityGallery claims that “our world and our lives often challenge us with complexity and chaos.” Obviously they’ve never heard of throwing on season two of Ghost Hunters, lighting up a big one and pretending world hunger…
BLT Steak a new “modern America steakhouse” in Dallas combines “French Bistro with…a stylish, urbane boîte.” Last time somebody called me an urbane boîte, I cut a bitch. But the restaurant’s “Popovers at the Bar” event during happy hour this week might calm my nerves, as they serve the baked…
Dear Dallas, We need to talk. You’re a really great city, and you’re really nice and all, but things are not working out for me right now. No, shhh, listen! I have so much respect for you, and I’m so glad we met. But it’s not you. It’s me. I’ve…
Comedian Ralph Harris has appeared on Seinfeld and in the film Dreamgirls. He has a Comedy Central special and an HBO special. You may have seen him on Late Night With Conan O’Brien or The Tonight Show too. But most recently, Ralph Harris was on Last Comic Standing. WTF? This…
Excited about going to the Hippie Circus this year? No, not the one at your freaky in-laws’ “ranch” out in the country. That’s no circus. That’s just illegal in most states. The Hippie Circus is an evening of retro music and fun with an MC who is famous for wearing…
Christmas is kind of a jerk. Sure, it’s the largest commercialized holiday in the history of gluttony and covetousness, but does it have to be so pushy? December has lots of other awesome days for us to celebrate…like Pearl Harbor Day and the anniversary of John Lennon’s death. Okay, nevermind…
There are the holiday traditions we all love, like lighting the Christmas tree with loved ones (oh, how Grandma yelps sweetly when you stick her on the upper branches!) And then there are the holiday traditions we hate, like watching cousin Bubba’s fifth child star as Jesus or some other…
Dallas City Council member Mitchell Rasansky is probably the last person you want having any say in the future of Deep Ellum. He’s ancient. He’s cranky. And it’s a safe bet that, other than at a wedding, he’s never heard a live band in his 95 years on this earth…
Like any good, emotionally repressed person, I believe that people should not get any more specific in public about their problems than the words on the side of a Xanax bottle. Take two for…insomnia. Depression. Daddy didn’t love me. Whatever’s ailin’ you. I was shocked, therefore, when I sat down…
I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With, a film by Curb Your Enthusiasm’s Jeff Garlin, has something for everyone. For the lovers, it’s a romantic story about a down-on-his-luck actor searching for a soul mate. Dark comedy fans will enjoy embarrassing scenes about just how low the main character will…
Remember Aladdin, the 1992 Disney animated film about a street urchin who finds love with a princess? That was a pretty good movie. But it needed more of something. No, not more shots of Jasmine’s boobs, perv. It needed more ridiculousness. Sure, a big blue genie, cunning monkey and talking…
Barrel-chested, with shoulder-length white hair that very nearly falls into the category of “flowing locks,” Paul Riddell looks like an off-duty superhero standing outside his North Dallas condo. Behind him, a greenhouse takes up his entire patio save for a small stone walkway. With the insulated structure behind him, he…
Just as ancient mystics ventured out into the wild to commune with nature and find divine guidance, I had to journey far, far out of familiar territory to find my power animal. This spirit guide would help me plan my future and calm my soul. I knew it would not…
