Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

After sinking into self-important tedium with its prior two overstuffed installments, Pirates of the Caribbean seemed destined for permanent burial at sea. And yet the soggy franchise and Johnny Depp’s foppish rapscallion return again for On Stranger Tides—to search for the fountain of youth, no less, a quest that Chicago…

African Cats get the March of the Penguins Treatment .

Anthropomorphizing its animal stars to a borderline dubious degree, Disneynature’s nonfiction African Cats situates itself in Kenya’s Masai Mara National Reserve, where two four-legged mothers valiantly struggle to provide for and protect their young. On the northern side of the river that divides this gorgeous but pitiless land lives aging…

Limitless: One Pill Makes You Smarter in a One-Note Movie.

A gleeful celebration of nonstop doping, Limitless offers up a dim Better Living Through Chemistry fantasy that refuses to rain on its own pill-popping parade. With long, disheveled locks and matching facial scruff, novelist Eddie (Bradley Cooper) struggles with writer’s block until he runs into his ex-brother-in-law Vernon (Johnny Whitworth)…

Mars Needs Moms: Maternal Anxiety in Outer Space Flounders.

Who said animation should look real? Robert Zemeckis, for one, though as evidenced by Disney’s recent closing of his ImageMovers Digital studio, he increasingly appears to be alone in that sentiment. Mars Needs Moms stands as the potentially final Zemeckis-produced motion-capture effort, and like The Polar Express, Beowulf and A…

Unknown: Liam Neeson, Aging Brutishly, Can’t Save a Tepid Thriller.

To age brutishly is Liam Neeson’s apparent career goal—with Taken, Clash of the Titans, The A-Team, and now Unknown, the actor continues to follow the Nicolas Cage path from respected thespian to big-budget ass-kicker. In this tepid thriller from Jaume Collet-Serra (Orphan), Neeson is Dr. Martin Harris, who, after arriving…

Ramona and Beezus

Ramona and Beezus: Despite the presence of Mouse House starlet Selena Gomez, Ramona and Beezus is less Disney than Hallmark Channel, a loose adaptation of Beverly Cleary’s first novel in her beloved kid-lit series that’s wholesome to the point of dull. Elizabeth Allen’s innocuous film charts Ramona Quimby (Joey King)…

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time Video Game Overinflated for Big Screen

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time’s story hinges on a dagger that can rewind time, a narrative conceit that doubles as a taunt to those who endure this cacophonous, frivolous adaptation of Ubisoft’s Arabian Nights-themed video-game series. Bruckheimered to the hilt with the same rollicking period-piece cheesiness that typified…