Scott Kelton Jones

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Romance with a Beer Gut

Or, why chicks learn to love all things Steve

By Scott Kelton Jones
Aug 24, 2000

The Tao of Duncan The Tao that can be followed is not the eternal Tao. The name that can be named is not the eternal name. This is the koan that begins the Tao Te Ching by Lao-Tzu. This is the fat guy who scores all the hot chicks? Hmph...
Gimme an 'F'

Bring It On is nothing to cheer about

By Scott Kelton Jones
Aug 24, 2000

Following in the grand cinematic tradition of cheerleading films-- movies such as Gimme an 'F,' Revenge of the Cheerleaders, and Debbie Does Dallas (both the original and the why-bother remakes)--Bring It On is about beautiful, young girls in short skirts who have to overcome the fact that they suck. On...
Booby trap

Terror Firmer is a Troma-tic filmgoing experience

By Scott Kelton Jones
Feb 24, 2000

Some film aficionados are weaned on art-house offerings, savoring the mise-en-scène of Kurosawa, the montage of Eisenstein, and the imagery of Fellini. Others suckle on the teat of Cinemax, sneaking back into the living room after Mom and Dad have gone to bed to study the brutal disfigurement of bad...
Blurred vision

What will 1999 be remembered for -- Malkovich's head or Cartman's ass?

By Scott Kelton Jones
Dec 30, 1999

A watershed year. That's the buzz around the film critics' water cooler -- or should that be popcorn stand? -- as 1999, and the first century of film, comes to a close. You can hear the whispers as they turn to shrieks of ecstasy: Just like 1974! Such are the...
IMAX; you, Mickey

Walt Disney's toon-not-for-tots, Fantasia returns

By Scott Kelton Jones
Dec 30, 1999

Originally, Walt Disney wanted to call his symphonic feature Fantasia "Concert Film." As a kid, I wanted to call it "Boring Piece of Crap." However, my mother would never tolerate such language. Nonetheless, old Walt wanted cartoons to be respected as an art form. He wanted to merge the perceived...

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