Let’s Try to Make Some Sense of the Jerry Jones Lawsuit Dismissal

The statement lawyer Thomas Bowers issued Thursday morning after the dismissal of his client Jana Weckerly’s sexual assault lawsuit against Cowboys owner Jerry Jones was precise: “Neither Jerry Jones nor the Cowboys organization has paid us any money.” If you’re the suspicious sort, you might be wondering if that means…

New Rangers Manager Jeff Banister: Who Is This Guy?

While the Rangers’ hiring of Pittsburgh Pirates bench coach Jeff Banister to take over Ron Washington’s vacated managerial post didn’t come completely out of nowhere, it’s certainly a surprise. For those outside the organization, the first sign that Banister was a serious candidate for the gig came when he, along…

The Rangers Should Not Trade Elvis Andrus

With the Orioles re-signing shortstop JJ Hardy, what was already thin free agent market at the position became threadbare. Beyond Hanley Ramirez, Asdrubal Cabrera and Stephen Drew the cupboard is largely empty, leaving big-market clubs like the Yankees, Mets, Dodgers and Tigers — all of which will look to sign…

Supreme Court Taps Brakes on HB2, 13 Abortion Clinics Reopen for Now

Late Tuesday afternoon, the Supreme Court cleared the way for reopening 13 abortion-providing health clinics that shuttered following an October 2 ruling by the 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals that allowed Texas to begin enforcing the most draconian portions of House Bill 2, the state’s 2013 anti-abortion measure. While…

UPDATED: Second Dallas Healthcare Worker Has Ebola

Update 12:15 p.m.:Amber Joy Vinson, the second Texas Health Presbyterian Hospital nurse diagnosed with Ebola after helping treat Thomas Eric Duncan, is being moved to Emory University Hospital in Atlanta, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced at a news conference late this morning. The first Presbyterian nurse diagnosed…

Trafficpocalypse: U.S. 75 Edition

God’s reign of terror against the region continues Tuesday afternoon with an all-timer of a traffic jam on U.S. 75. The freeway is closed in both directions at Forest Lane because of downed power lines on 75 proper and the service road. According to reports, a utility pole caught fire,…

Cowboys Running Back Joseph Randle Arrested for Stealing Underwear, Cologne

According to multiple reports, Dallas Cowboys backup running back Joseph Randle was arrested by Frisco police after being seen attempting to shoplift underwear and a bottle of cologne on an in-house camera at the Stonebriar Centre mall Dillard’s. Randle was detained by Dillard’s loss prevention officers who called Frisco police…

24 Hours Later, CDC Still Doesn’t Know How Nurse Contracted Ebola

The news Sunday was disturbing. A Texas Health Presbyterian Hospital nurse — confirmed Monday to be 26-year-old Nina Pham — had contracted Ebola. Pham was not one 10 people being monitored for close contact with Thomas Eric Duncan, the first person diagnosed with Ebola in the United States, nor was…

The Cowboys Are No Longer the Cowboys

It happened again. The Cowboys dominated the first two-thirds of a game, just as they did against Tennessee and Houston, and found themselves in a fistfight to the finish. This time it was against the Seahawks in Seattle, a presumably impossible task, but the result was the same. The Cowboys…

Dallas Healthcare Worker Tests Positive For Ebola

According to reports from multiple news outlets and the Centers for Disease Control, a healthcare worker — reportedly a nurse — who was in contact with Thomas Eric Duncan has tested positive for the Ebola virus. The test was performed by the Texas Department of State Health Services and is…

Cowboys DB Subject of New Attempted Rape Allegation

C.J. Spillman, the Cowboys defensive back named in connection with a September 20 sexual assault allegation in Grapevine, was accused of attempted rape in December 2013 while he was a member of the San Francisco 49ers. According to a Santa Clara, California, police report obtained by the New York Daily…

Red Bull Is Giving $10 to Anyone Who Wants It

Red Bull is giving consumers $13 million dollars to settle false advertising claims. The settlement is unsurprising. Not once in all the times Unfair Park has consumed the horrid tasting energy drink have we grown wings, one of Red Bull’s primary claims. As long as you pinky promise that you…

Fracking Company Makes Pink Drill Bits for Cancer … to Fight It, We Mean

Baker Hughes, a Houston-based fracking concern with three offices in Dallas, cares about breast cancer research. Just enough, in fact, that they’ve made 100 pink drill bits to increase awareness this month, according to New York magazine, which pointed some other interesting links between fracking and cancer. Unfair Park knows…

Man Showing “Ebola Like Symptoms” Has Been Isolated in Frisco

A man currently being taken from a Frisco Care Now Clinic to Texas Health Presbyterian Hospital in Dallas is reportedly experiencing Ebola-like symptoms. The city of Frisco released the following statement: “At 12:32 p.m. today, October 8, Frisco dispatch received a call from Care Now, 301 Main Street, regarding a…