Shopping & Services

With the holidays quickly approaching (by which we mean our birthday), you might wanna stop by the Ridge–the self-proclaimed “home décor and craft marketplace,” which just sends a tingle up the spines of men everywhere–to load up on immortal wreaths and other flowers made of silk and synthetic material. From pottery to potpourri, from party goods to pictures and posters (for frames and, yes, you sad souls without family photos to fill them), from candles to curtains, this chain store has generous amounts of decently priced crap to make any dorm room or any mansion feel like Martha Stewart went hog-wild while blindfolded. And we mean that as a compliment: When we’re not tricking up our house with the latest Todd Oldham trinket from Target, we’re at Garden Ridge, wondering how we spent $124 on candles that smell like roses and feet.

There they were, back when they were still a headline-making couple. Gwyneth Paltrow, dressed in yoga-class togs, and Luke Wilson, squinty and gorgeous, pushing a shopping cart a deux around the aisles just like regular folk. What’d they buy? We peeked. Chips, cookies, imported beer. Real stuff. He paid. He carried the bags to the SUV. She beamed at him with that thousand-watt smile. And not a paparazzo in sight. Golly. Cool or what? Few days later, same Whole Foods Market. Singer-actress Erykah Badu, doing some shopping, notices a shelf of painted lunch boxes. The designs strike her as a tad racist. She marches up to the front desk and lets the manager know her objections. She draws a small crowd, who support her tiny tirade. Ah, the plum little dramas one stumbles upon when all one needs is a pound of organic prunes.

This small spiritual/jewelry store offers an affordable selection of therapeutic quartz pyramids. If feeling ill, soak a clear one in a glass of water overnight and drink the water in the morning. Do the same with a blue pyramid if feeling tense and a red pyramid if looking for love. For financial prosperity, pray or meditate in the presence of the clear pyramid with little coins inside.

What with the competition of Amazon.com, peddling books out of retail outlets is becoming a risky business. That explains the arrival of pricey coffee drinks, greeting cards and various doodads that most bookstores now hawk. But for those literary types who still enjoy perusing the aisles in person, Borders offers the widest selection of books in town. That’s it. End of story.

Say you’re, oh, 28 years old, and you still love you some comic books. Your wife? She’s never read them, but she likes Barbie dolls. That’s how you get her into Zeus Comics, where even the straightest man will be fairly dazzled by the selection of Barbies at the back of the store. That’s how we did it, at least. Once there, she discovered the greatness (and, well, geekiness) that is the comic book, and now she wants to go more than we do. Especially since her favorite character, Spider-Man, is all over the place and Zeus is all over it, with more Spidey-related items than a Stan Lee garage sale. That’s just for a start: They have everything you want, and plenty of things you didn’t know you needed. You’re gonna need an entire afternoon. While you’re there, ask the staff the name of the cop character in McDonaldland. No, not Mayor McCheese. And get back to us, because it’s been killing us.

Men shop for shoes the opposite of women: the most shoes possible from the fewest possible stores. To get it all done in one stop go straight to Nordstrom at the Galleria. The sandal selection alone is daunting–including Mephisto and Ecco–but the Oxfords go on forever: Nordstrom’s store brand, Tommy Bahama, Kenneth Cole Reaction, Cole Haan, Allen-Edmonds and many more. This is it, this is everything.

This store in the Lakewood shopping area has everything one needs to get vintage looks for a multitude of eras. There are plates like June Cleaver would have used to serve fresh-baked cookies to Wally and the Beav, lace-up go-go boots like Laverne and Shirley might have tried and sofas like Richie Cunningham and the gang would have sat on while getting chick advice from The Fonz. Then there’s the actual TV memorabilia such as metal lunch boxes bearing the cartoon or photograph likenesses of small-screen stars and items such as models of The Monkees’ souped-up convertible. In addition, glass cases hold smaller and more valuable items such as Beatlemania buttons and mint-condition toys. Then there’s the stuff TV never showed: vintage “adult” novelties.

The grocer carries all sorts of imported fresh and canned goods suited to the discerning cook of all sorts of Middle Eastern fare. That’s right, all sorta good stuff for all sorta people. Which, admit it, is shocking. Not only is the bread the freshest, softest, tastiest Middle Eastern breadlike stuff you’re likely to find (chain grocery store pita pocket bread need not apply), but the loaves are full size, just like they are in Lebanon. The store sells ingredients for old standards like hummus and rare spices suited to more exotic Middle Eastern dishes, Middle Eastern candy, chewing gum and even really good pickles imported from Lebanon. We would take the time to learn the names of these items, but we’re too busy scarfing.

You won’t find batteries, phone cards and store-brand toothbrushes lining the counters of Restoration Hardware. The stuff you will find isn’t that necessary, but it is cuter and much more expensive. Around the cash registers are tubs and hangers full of gadgets, widgets and other unneeded items you’ll decide to take home while waiting to check out, such as magnets made from milk jar lids and old dice and key-chain magnifying glasses and compasses.

We’re scared of many things, such as mosquitoes (West Nile!), snakes (poison!) and monkeys (the Marburg monkey virus, which for some reason we fear more than its well-known sister virus, Ebola!). We’re also queasy about the sun and its link to skin cancer, which is why we are pasty and have no luck with the ladies. That’s why we plan to visit Planet Tan and do what our good friend did: get misted. For the person who needs to be caramelized, Planet Tan can apply the UV-free Mist-On Tan product. It gives you a sweet golden-brown tone for up to a week, which is all the time we need to find a soul mate. The procedure is complete in less time than it takes to disrobe, so if you’ve got a big event coming up, or if you just need to even out your own tan, stop by a day or two before you need to wear that revealing outfit and do what we light-fearing folk do: Buy yourself some good looks.

Rumor has it our couch came from the set of Good Morning, Texas, and, yeah, it took awhile to get those Sams stains out; someone really should Scotchguard that dude. But, nonetheless, it was one hell of a bargain–something like $300, when it would have cost us $1,000, more or less (more, likely). And we picked it, and the rest of our house’s furnishings, up at the Gabberts outlet on Furniture Row near LBJ Freeway and Midway Road. This place is a mecca for high-quality merch at low, low prices–leather couches at pennies on the dollar (OK, quarters on the dollar, but whatever), recliners so cheap you can rest a little easier, armoires you can afford without knocking over an armored car. Some of this stuff deserves to be dirt cheap–some looks as though it came from the Bradys’ house in 1971–but even then, better retro “kitsch” than au courant broke, we say. Nice selection of rugs, too, as well as other stuff with which to stuff your house. Or apartment. Or trailer home. Or underpass.

Even drunk, we would never ever belt out a rendition of Tom Jones’ “Delilah” in public. (What we do in the privacy of our own shower is none of your business.) But it’s nice to know that if we wanted to (and to be honest, we sorta do), we could thrill–or induce vomiting among–the lovely birds in an audience. All we would need is a stop at this Valley View mall shop, which sells and rents karaoke machines, mixing boards and microphones, along with the largest selection of karaoke-ready songs in Texas–somewhere between 70,000 and 100,000 titles. They even provide DJs and setups for parties, wedding receptions and, we suppose, really rockin’ wakes. If you think that karaoke died sometime about the era of the first Bush administration, check out the store’s Web site at www.spotlightonkaraoke.com to see the huge variety of equipment available. Someone, somewhere is into this, so there may yet be hope for our lounge-act dreams.

We keep trying out other shops, but we always find ourselves back at Southwest Gallery when we have an important framing project. The reason is simple: The work they do is impeccable. From your end, the most difficult thing about framing is deciding what frame to choose. That’s the second area where Southwest Gallery shines: Its staff offers excellent direction in helping you navigate the store’s wide selection of frames, making suggestions based on what works best for the art rather than what makes them the most money.

If you want to buy garden tools that will last, Smith & Hawken has what you need. Of course, you’ll need to bring a lot of money, but the investment will provide perennial returns. The Uptown store carries everything a gardener needs, from hand rakes and soil scoops to bulb planters and precision weeders. Forget what you planted last spring? No problem. Smith & Hawken also sells zinc plant markers, among other hard-to-find accessories. When you’re done toiling in the fields, nothing relaxes quite like the store’s wide selection of fine teak chairs and chaises.

If you can’t afford that summer getaway you’ve been dreaming about and are weary of grilling chicken and burgers, plan something different after a visit to a grocery that takes you to another world. You can shop for everything from pork ears to chicken feet, pickled cabbage to duck eggs. The seafood selection is remarkable (tilapia, milkfish, China grouper and squid). Might want to take home some Wei-Chaun dumplings for the right appetizer and plan to spend time looking over the wide variety of exotic spices (ever try dried lily flower?) and teas. Talk about fun shopping. They’re open daily from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m.

OK, so it’s more than “health food,” but then that just shouldn’t count against it. Our weekend ritual now consists of: Wake up at 8:30 (a.m., that is), throw on some shorts (our own, someone else’s, whatever), get into the car and get to Central Market before the doors part at 9, thus allowing in the millions (OK, dozens) who line up to take control of the 50,000-square-foot store before it’s overrun with the heathens. We’ll admit it: We’re foodies, though we so loathe the term (don’t even know what it means, actually); we’re addicts, freaks, junkies for what the H-E-B folks are pushing. We’ll spend an hour that turns into two, an afternoon that turns into a weekend in this place, and still we’ll never uncover all it has to offer; we return for what we need, never stopping to ponder there are millions of items we don’t need but merely crave (say, the tub of roasted garlic cloves for sale in the to-go area; man, our breath stinks this weekend). Some suggestions: the fresh Southwestern tortillas just off the grill, the black-pepper-marinated olives, the smoked cheddar cheeses, the French hams in the deli area, the Russian rye breads, the prosciutto-and-pepper baguette, the Australian beer, the star fruit, the dried peppers that sell for $50 a pound (all you need is but a few cents’ worth), the champagne grapes, the live oysters and clams, the breakfast sausage, the…mmmmmmm, sausage. For once, an ad campaign lives up to its claims: Tom Thumb and Whole Foods are grocery stores; this is heaven, paradise, nirvana. And did we mention the cooking classes, the guest chefs (Naked and otherwise), the tours, the private meeting rooms, the On the Run fun that makes Eatzi’s look like, well, Marty’s? No? We meant to, but our mouths were stuffed with blue crab claws and tapenade; sorry ’bout that.

Western Warehouse has everything you’d expect: boots, hats, belts and belt buckles, jeans, boots, those collarless shirts Garth Brooks favored for a while and the loud, starched-stiff shirts loved by Brooks and Dunn. But it also has tiny Wranglers for mini-cowboys and cowgirls, tank tops and slogan tees for teen rodeo queens, Western-style tuxedo jackets and those polyester pants the indie-rock boys wear with their Converses. Not to mention the racks and racks of jeans and one of the largest selections of Levis, with stacks of styles and colors in dozens of sizes. The store–a warehouse in stature not just name–suits more styles than Billy Bob’s casual. Even we found a shirt (with piping and pearl snaps, no less), which was about as likely as LeAnn Rimes recording an album to outsell Blue.

Clothes confound us. We be husky, and it is not easy to find nice clothes that make a husky man look good, unless you pay ridiculous prices. Then a friend told us about Todd Shevlin, who, since 1995, has owned, in a gentle fashion, the fashion store known as Gently Owned Men’s Consignery, in Far North Dallas. (He recently opened a second store in Oak Lawn.) We arrived in flip-flops and a Green Lantern T-shirt and left in a $500 pair of slacks that cost us $99. Then we realized why the rich always look so nice. (Fabric that makes our huge ass disappear is magic, and magic pants are worth every cent.) Gentle owner Shevlin says he offers “the finest in men’s resale…all our stuff is less than 2 years old, and it’s in great, excellent or mint condition.” GOMC sells and buys everything but underwear and socks; it even carries new inventory at 30 to 50 percent off retail. They carry everything from Armani to Hugo Boss. (We nabbed a new-inventory, Italian-made suit for about $400.) If you want to sell your slick duds, all consignment contracts are 90-day deals; the sale is split 50-50. You can use your profits to buy some nice threads from Todd. See how that works?

Actually, “Best Pan-sexual Erotica (leather and gadgets)” would be a more accurate label for Shades of Grey, a fetishist’s dream of a store even though it sacrifices snazzy décor in favor of clutter–the better to stock more stuff to titillate you with, my dear. Find racks and racks of sexy leather clothes–some vinyl, too–for men and women. The selection is the best, and custom leatherwork is available also. The store staff is friendly and more knowledgeable than we are about fetish-oriented apparati. We didn’t realize, for example, that you could buy a gizmo that hooks to your shower head for full colonic cleansing and that cleanliness might not be your sole motivation. Shades of Grey has a good variety of body jewelry and is proud of its multisexual orientation. There’s a small satellite store inside the Dallas Eagle, our city’s highly regarded men’s leather fetish bar off Inwood Road.

Pez is no longer just that cheap toy with the stale candy you buy to keep the kids quiet in the supermarket. There are TV-show-character Pez, stuffed-animal Pez, automobile Pez, holiday Pez, mini-Pez and more. And at Froggie’s, you can fill your Pez habit with Pez T-shirts, Pez magnets and Pez buttons, including a line of items sporting the phrase, “You’re not famous until they put your head on a Pez dispenser.” There’s even a personal collection of Pez dispensers behind the counter.

Hey, these hepcats win every year, so you should know the drill by now. Rob will grant all your rockabilly, pompadour and buzz-cut needs. If you’re in a band, go here. If you’re ugly, go here. If you’re not sure if you’re in a band or ugly, you are high, so go here. You won’t know the difference, but the ladies will. Rob does magic with female mops as well.

One might assume that calling a footwear store by a name like “Boot City” is a tall tale akin to the one about Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox. But Cavender’s has more pairs of boots than some Texas towns have feet to fill them. The stock ranges from basic leather ropers, work boots and lace-ups to the high-end labels such as Lucchese, Tony Lama and Harley-Davidson. And the stock of exotic materials reads more like an endangered species list than an inventory account, with entries for elephant, kangaroo, gator, ostrich, rattlesnake, caiman, iguana, crocodile and European goat. With a wide range of styles and sizes to fit kids, women and men, Cavender’s has boots to fit any pair of feet. Except, of course, Paul Bunyan’s.

We’ll never go digital; uploading JPGs to a hard drive is nowhere near as satisfying as going into a darkroom and losing yourself for hours in the magic of photo developing. Though Warehouse does offer prints and enlargements from digital files, the majority of products and services cater to film users. We can supply our 35mm, medium format and Polaroid cameras here with all the film we could ever want–we can even pick up a few cartridges of Super 8 for those retro home movies we love making. They also carry accessories, papers, chemicals and other nifty items like liquid emulsion, which allows you to make any surface–a brick, a plate, a cardboard box–into a photographic surface. All in all, you could outfit a modest photo studio and darkroom in one trip to Warehouse. So, whether you aspire to be the next Penn/Avedon/Leibovitz, or just enjoy shooting rolls of your dog in full military uniform, Warehouse Photographic has the hookup.

It’s depressing to note how the classic Slinky spring toy has degenerated into a column of plastic rings: Plastic just doesn’t scale stairs or chase cats as well as shiny metal. Relive your Slinky jubilations at Froggie’s. They stock a Slinky cornucopia including the original Slinky, the Super Slinky, Slinky Jr. and the Slinky Dog from Toy Story. Froggie’s even has a Slinky watch that, with a touch of a button, plays the Slinky jingle while a Slinky walks across the watch face. And don’t think Slinkys represent the entire pinnacle of must-have novelties. Because Froggie’s also stocks Andy Warhol dolls dressed in leather jackets and Campbell Soup T-shirts and a Spam puzzle that comes in a can. No watch that plays the Monty Python Spam song, though. Yet.

This cool little hole-in-the-wall in the Bishop Arts District in Oak Cliff sells quality cigars, vintage smoking accoutrements and what has to be the most complete selection of rare and select drinkable (as opposed to collectible) soda pop on the planet. Their brand list of cold drinks is waaay too long to repeat here, but it includes A&W Root Beer in rare longneck bottles, A.J. Stephens Root Beer and Birch Beer, Baron’s Boot Hill Sassparilla, Big Red in the 10-ounce original heavy glass bottles, Blenheim Red Hot Ginger Ale, Frostie Blue Cream, Henry Weinhard’s Orange & Cream and Vernors Ginger Ale in longneck glass. Did we mention Moxie Original Cola Elixir? And dozens and dozens more. It ain’t cheap, but if it’s the taste you crave, Ifs Ands & Butts is the deal.

Not since Annie Sprinkle and Tim Miller graced the stage at Kitchen Dog Theater has there been such an outpouring of LOVE for the bedroom behaviors of all sorts of alternative lifestyles. New Fine Arts East has the best a big city can offer in gay-porn videos, DVDs, magazines, lubes, toys, costumes and games. Look carefully for single servings of “video-head cleaner.”

Do they have the best prices, the best selection, the best trade-ins? We’re too busy hunting down baddies in Max Payne to take the time for a survey. We just shop here. A lot. Why? Discounts and variety are part of the reason, but what we like best is the fact that the clerks are players, too. Want to know which of the latest half-dozen NFL games deserves your 50 bucks? Ask the guy behind the counter. Chances are he’s played most of them, and when you’re checking couch cushions for change to feed your gaming jones, that kind of firsthand advice is invaluable. They also stock new, used and refurbished consoles and a slew of accessories at their 90-plus metroplex stores, as well as DVDs, including the occasional rare anime feature. Become a member of their Game Informer club and earn another 10 percent discount over already marked-down prices. You might just save enough to buy the jumbo bag of Chee-tos.

Tucked away in a little shop next to the Hong Kong Market, P.J.’s Salon isn’t hip or swanky, and it isn’t expensive or pretentious, either. They won’t offer you white wine and cheese, but they will give you a good haircut that’s cheap and fast. And if you need more than a haircut, P.J.’s can also give you perms, colors and highlights. Don’t be afraid to bring in pictures of your desired styles, either. You may not leave with J. Lo’s booty or Britney’s belly, but you can have their hair. Fave stylist Ming has been known to work wonders. And another plus: Next door there’s a pretty decent Asian restaurant that’s used to salon traffic. So if you get the munchies while you’re waiting for that perm solution to kick in or for your dark brown locks to go blond, give this place a try. They won’t care about the plastic cap on your head or the 45 foil pieces protruding from your scalp.

What? How can the Dallas Observer give Best Video Store to Blockbuster, that evil, excessive-late-fee-charging corporate Godzilla? Simple. For one thing, convenience counts, and we don’t have to explain why this company edges out its competitors on that note. Sure, Premiere Video, which has owned this award since 1907, has a better, more eclectic selection. But not everyone lives off Mockingbird Lane, we have to remind ourselves, and convenience does count. While it may be true that Blockbuster recently fought off complaints about its late-fee policy, at least you can still rent videos that don’t have to be returned the next day. And you have to give the Dallas-based company credit for evolving: Although the store still focuses on the latest blockbusters, its new releases now include a much broader selection of independent films. If you missed that Spanish thriller that was recently playing at the Angelika, chances are good you can now rent it at Blockbuster.

Contrary to what you might think, these critters don’t fight crime, terrorize Tokyo in Godzilla movies or wreak havoc with computer networks. Instead, these large beetle larvae satisfy the cravings of pets, including large birds, small primates and reptiles such as the Texas box turtle. They also make swell fishing bait for those of us who cling to the dream of pulling a wall trophy out of White Rock Lake. Super worms are high in crude protein, and reptiles are especially attracted to their “thrashing” activity, making them as much fun to catch as they are to eat. And at World of Pets, these fat feisty little brown critters are just a buck a dozen. They’ll even throw in a piece of nutritious egg crate at no extra charge. But keep a lid on this, before some flamboyant chefs start using them in their niçoise salads.

Suits? Who wears suits? Everyone we know is in something casual, and this venerable department store has one of the widest casual selections around. The Polo and Tommy sections are huge, and the hipper Guess and Lucky Brand areas are big enough to satisfy. Even the house brand, Daniel Cremieux, with its slightly European designs and quality fabrics, is worth checking out. As for shoes, they carry those cool Cole Haan/Nike Air jobs and a bunch of European walking brands that will have you bopping out to your car on some pretty cool cakes.

A pink stove? Sixties divan? Dukes of Hazzard lunch box? Vintage adult gag gifts? Watercolor painting of amputee friends? We found all of the above at Metro Retro. And you thought your grandmother had great stuff…if given the opportunity and the funds, we could furnish an entire abode with the random findings that are Metro Retro. A tip: Make several trips around the floor; you won’t find that perfect item on the first time around. Another tip: Ask for help or just chat with Laura and Andrea. If you can’t find that perfect Bionic Woman doll or spinning ashtray circa 1954, they’ll keep an eye out and let you know. Make it a regularly scheduled destination and the shop won’t let you down. When you happen upon a gem, you’ll know. Let’s just say we bought that painting and we’re saving up for the divan.

The best-dressed new-millennium baby is as likely to wear a solid black, Metallica-logo-emblazoned romper one day as he is to wear a Swedish jester’s cap and clogs from chichi baby direct-mail retailer Hanna Anderson. Baby style is all over the place, and we like that. The best selection and fairly decent pricing of cool baby clothes and linens is at a nearly newborn store in Lakewood. Susan O’Neill opened her Bebe Grande last year, with inspired selections of unique, artful baby clothing from 0-24 months, and by the time you read this, she’ll have added more toddler togs in the 2T-3T-4T range. Simply irresistible are O’Neill’s savvy instincts to buy and sell all the best French stuff–Catamini, Les Bebes de Tardis, Petit Bateau–and unique imports such as her line of hand-embroidered South African-made tiny outfits from Gordonsbury. Bebe Grande has a good selection of nursery bedding, good toys such as Lamaze and Manhattan and offers new releases of classic children’s books. It’s a cozy shop, overall, with baby pastel walls and décor, which you may notice on the way to the sale rack.

When a friend is getting married, the hassles abound, especially for the women. First, there’s the hideous bridesmaid dress that costs way too much. Then there are the dyeable shoes to match the hideous dress you will never wear again. And then it’s bridal showers and engagement brunches and bridesmaids luncheons, and the list goes on. But there is one part of the wedding extravaganza that’s fun for all: the bachelorette party. And Just For Play has what you need to get this party started. There’s all kinds of fun stuff, from tame to raunchy, depending on how crazy your particular bride friend is willing to get. And in case you missed the lingerie shower, Just For Play has plenty of that, too. Their Playboy line offers a variety of lingerie items that are cute, fun and sexy all at the same time. Oh, yeah, Just For Play probably has stuff for bachelor parties, too. But don’t strippers usually bring their own supplies?

Ask Robert anything. That’s really all you need to know, but for the sake of being informative ourselves, we’ll keep going. Pickerings will tell you what to plant and where, they’ll design your flower bed and even plant it for you. They lay stones, landscape and guarantee their gorgeous assortment of plants. Need tools? Got ’em. Need decorative details? Got ’em. Need moral support because you suck at gardening and can even cause lucky bamboo to die? They’ll give it to you. Pickerings has everything you need to get going in the garden, and you’ll have a green thumb before you know it. But fair warning: They have a gift section that takes excessive willpower to get through without blowing your wad on a leaded stained-glass piece or an old metal horse feed bucket.

This tiny shop on the trendy Knox-Henderson strip is bursting with vintage and costume items (both old and new) at not-too-shabby prices. One staffer assembled an entire ’80s outfit here–from Cyndi Lauper’s tutu to Madonna-style fingerless gloves–in less than an hour. We were also impressed by a cap made entirely of flattened Coke cans and a glow-in-the-dark rosary. But they don’t limit themselves to just clothing, shoes and accessories; other notable finds include a Kodak Brownie camera and nude women painted on black velvet. Every corner of the store is crammed with vintage goodies, including the walls and ceilings, so it may take a little patience, but there are treasures to be had. Remarkably, proprietors Debbie and Leslie seem to keep the entire inventory in their heads–useful when you just can’t find that perfect mod halter-top.

Deep down, in some part of our aging brain, the old person we’re rapidly becoming shakes his head and wonders, “What is this world coming to when teen-agers feel they need a spa?” Of course, in some other part not quite so deep, we’re humming “Thank Heaven for Little Girls” and thinking this is just a fine idea. Apparently, so do the youngsters themselves. This spacious spa in a Plano shopping center offers a full salon, makeovers, makeup instruction and massages, all geared to the target audience of Seventeen magazine, which has a licensing agreement for the name. (The Plano location is the first of 36 planned.) Why would a young person need a facial or massage? Acne, for one, we suppose, but teens also face an inordinate amount of stress, hence the popularity of massages. The spa also offers services to boys, though, by gum, in our day no self-respecting boy…oh, never mind. We’re old. If you’re not, and you have a sense of style or need help in how to apply glitter makeup, this might be the place for you. They also offer nifty gift cards.

Top-quality dealers all over the country ship their best wares to Ralph Willard’s wonderfully eclectic Tower Antique Show. In its ninth year, the Tower show typically offers authentic antiques (no copies allowed) from 50 to 300 years old. Expect lots of decorative and garden stuff, maybe a fifth of the furniture primitive, a fifth ultra-sophisticated, the rest somewhere in between. Everything in this show is interesting just to look at, let alone buy. It’s so much fun, the Tower Antique Show is even a good date. Call for next show date and times.

If you are just looking to brighten up the house, or a routine stay-at-home meal, there’s nothing wrong with picking up flowers at your local supermarket. Nowadays, even Minyard sells some bouquets that’ll bring a little sunshine indoors without breaking the pocketbook. But if you are throwing a dinner party or, more stressful yet, trying to impress a date, the arrangements designed at Village Garden & Gallery will guarantee success. This store, located in the new West Village shopping center, goes far beyond the standard dozen roses in a cheap glass vase to creating true works of floral art, exotically arranged in unique pots and vases.

The last time somebody told us to “Bring gloves and a good attitude, be sweet and we’ll help you,” we were trying out a trendy sex therapist near Parkland hospital. When Orr-Reed CEO John Hargrove says it, he means something completely different. Since 1946, Orr-Reed has been in the demolition business, tearing away cabinets, moldings, mantel pieces and cornices from some of the formerly finest old homes in North Texas. They schlep it all back and stack it up and sell it from their 5-acre site near downtown. Hargrove says they have everything, and they don’t charge antique-store prices, because they don’t really spend a lot of time cleaning up the stuff or sorting it. Hence, the gloves and the good-hunting attitude; and, hence, the bargains. Orr-Reed reclaims old heart pine and other hardwood lumbers some customers use to build furniture or create hardwood floors. Hargrove says they do custom-fabrication work, too; but we just like the architectural junk and the thrill of the hunt.

So you think you want a purebred pup, something warm and snuggly that reminds you of Christmas. Well, think again. The majority of puppies are given away or abandoned within the first year of pet ownership. They require more time, effort, love and scooped poop than their new owners are willing to give. That’s where rescue organizations like Golden Retriever Rescue of North Texas come in. GRRN takes strays, throwaways and giveaways–goldens only–and offers them a safe haven, a foster home where their needs–medical and emotional–can be assessed. The volunteer organization then rigorously screens future owners so that a dog that has survived one mistake won’t have to be subjected to another. In 2001, GRRN rescued 160 dogs, but the new owners also find a home as well. The organization becomes a virtual online community, offering advice, guidance and expertise that enhance the chance its placements will succeed.

These two family-run stores share the same small Oak Cliff space. Wedding and quinceaeras (15th-birthday celebration) dresses line one side, cowboy boots and hats the other. Needless to say, the quality of customer service is much higher here than in a giant, impersonal department store.

For discount shoppers, the sign on the front of 75% Off Books probably says all it needs to say: Nothing Over $5. And it’s no lie, no come-on that’s proved false once you get inside. Everything in this place is 75 to 90 percent off the original price, and nothing costs more than $5. The books are all new, too, so there’s no yellowed pages or musty smells wafting about. 75% Off Books buys its stock mostly as truckloads of assorted books from publishers. They’re either overstock, samples left over from trade shows or books that have been slightly damaged in shipping. So it’s not the place to go when you’re looking for a specific title, but if you have the time, scour the tables at 75% Off Books; you might discover an armload of gems you didn’t even know you needed. The store is also an excellent choice for parents and teachers. Each of the Dallas-area locations has up to 500 titles for children and young adults, and they both accept school district purchase orders. New titles arrive every week, so if you don’t find anything on your first visit, keep looking; a second go-round might make all the difference.

Say, for instance, you are on your way to visit someone in the hospital, you must get there before visiting hours are over and you need a gift. (Not that we’ve ever procrastinated in such a way.) Get thee to Urban Flowers. Not only are the arrangements absolutely stunning, but the arrangements can be created according to your budget and still be absolutely stunning. The shop also offers unique handmade cards and assorted gifts and the best service you can ask for. The owner even offers that you can call on your way there and tell him what you need and he’ll have it ready and waiting.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You Linux users and hard-core Wintel folk are muttering obscenities about what a bunch of techno-idiots we are. You computer studs demand a store that sells the raw materials needed to etch your own circuit boards with your own hands. This store is in a mall for God’s sake. You need raw computing power. So what if your machines look like an icebox, though not quite as sexy? Who cares? A large part of the population–those who don’t think jumpsuits, white socks with sandals and ZZ Top beards are smokin’–that’s who. Style counts, and the Apple Store at Willow Bend mall is the house of style for personal computers. Drenched in blond woods, white walls and mod lighting, the store is a grown-up playground stocked with the latest, hippest iPods, gooseneck iMacs, digital cameras and clear, molded plastic surround-sound speakers. Think The Jetsons, as directed by Ridley Scott. Sure, you won’t find all the parts you need to build your own computer from scratch, and maybe the Apples won’t play all the latest games, but what would you rather be, cool or functional?

Remember the scene in Mallrats where Brodie and T.S. head to the “dirt mall” for a little spiritual cleansing and wind up having their fortunes told by a three-nippled Priscilla Barnes? Well, this place is a little like that; we’ve never actually visited this flea market’s fortunetellers, and there are several, but we’re taking it on faith one’s gotta have something special up her, ahem, sleeve. If not, there’s still plenty o’ plenty to keep you occupied from 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. Saturday and Sunday–when this joint is open, which means it must be special–from rows of “retailers” peddling “leather” apparel to the dude selling samurai swords (fun for the kids!) to the furniture outlet loaded with stuff we might actually buy, were this 1994. Our fave destination here is the guitar shop–prices so reasonable we bought a National steel and don’t know how to play it–but we’re also fond of just spending a day without spending a dollar, though the booth selling retro bumper stickers for stoners did get us to cough up a quarter. The dust here got us to cough up a lung.

As we anticipate Halloween, the fond memories of years past come flooding back–those days of pinning a black bath towel around our shoulders, wedging two pointy candy corn under our top lip and chasing our younger sibling with the forbidding chant, “I vant to suck your blood!” in the best Transylvanian accent we could muster. Now, as an adult, the times we thirst for human blood are rare. Yet, on some level, it would still be fun to have fangs. Enter Pamela Sedmak, owner of Fangtastic Fangs. For $125, she will hand-carve a set of fangs custom-fitted to your mouth. In the past 10 years, Sedmak has made hundreds of fangs for actors and Halloween costumes, but most of her clients are just “normal people.” (Once vampirish dental prostheses are involved, “normal” becomes a very subjective term.) The fangs are incredibly realistic and durable–she’s had her pair for 12 years–but she doesn’t recommend eating (“OK, maybe a Jell-O shot”) or trying to open beer cans with them. Plus, if Anne Rice likes them, how can we argue?

Part of the Bishop Arts District’s Renaissance, this pleasant shop carries a wide range of gift items and objects from local artists. Among the constants are personal care items from the Thymes Collection and scented candles from Ergo and Votivo. Co-owner Michael Harrity says he has “without a doubt the strongest candle collection in Dallas.” About 70 percent of the market’s inventory is unique items, many from local artists, including furniture, paintings, pottery, turned wood bowls, handmade jewelry and metal sculpture. Prices range from about $10 to more than $150. Gift wrapping is free. Because the shop serves a wide geographic area, it has a wide price range that in recent years has been trending upward with the revitalization of the neighborhood.

“Our philosophy is to build a home that’s going to age like a fine wine,” says Vintage Contemporaries’ Jeff Fairey, who recently spoke from the comfortable interior of his latest project: a gorgeous Spanish Eclectic home, complete with clay tile roof, that’s located in the M Streets but could fit right in on Lakewood Boulevard, alongside the 1920s homes built by noted Dallas architect C.D. Hutsell. As the company name implies, Fairey specializes in new homes made to look old. To accomplish that, Fairey does not cut corners on the materials or build blowouts that loom over the neighbors. Instead, he reduces the size of his homes and finishes them out with expert craftsmanship we thought had become a thing of the past. “We make our smaller spaces a lot more grand.”

While some big-name designers are finding it’s now cool to shop–and be sold–at Target, don’t expect to see fashions by folks like Judith Lieber, Stuart Weitzman, Cole Haan, Chanel, Gucci or Prada being racked up near the snack bar anytime soon. Yet you can still find great prices on classy clothing at this North Dallas consignment shop, which specializes in designer and “better label” wear, much of it coming from closets in Park Cities and North Dallas homes. This 4,500-square-foot shop offers sellers a 50-50 split and season-long consignments, while buyers can choose from a wide variety of new and like-new clothing and save even more with frequent sales. (Whenever Foley’s has one of its “Red Apple” sales, Clothes Circuit runs a competing “Yellow Banana” sale, with additional 20 percent markdowns on clothing.) On the Web at www.clothescircuit.com.

There are plenty of reasons to shop at this grocery store, not the least of which are the fresh tortillas for which regulars line up from dawn till dusk. But we come back here for all kinds of reasons: the fresh tomatillas (we make a superior home-cooked salsa; you can’t have any), the various Mexican ingredients for which Stephen Pyles pines (he doesn’t use brown sugar, only canella), that authentic vibe of a store where whitey’s too dumb to tread. And we love a place where you can buy an accordion from the merchants up front; we went shopping one day for a little mole sauce and came home sounding like Flaco Jimenez without the talent.

The Internet has revolutionized the way we communicate, allowing us to keep in up-to-the-minute contact with friends, family and associates around the globe. The only downside to all the instant chatter is its lack of intimacy. For those who still enjoy the old-fashioned art of writing by hand, a good pen makes the experience all the more pleasurable. In Dallas, Penwright is the best place to find a quality pen. Of course, Penwright sells the Rolex of pens–Mont Blanc, but informed pen connoisseurs appreciate the store for its wide selection of elite brands, which include Waterman, Parker, Delta and Stipula.

If you’ve ever found the perfect bracelet, but it just wasn’t the right color, or a pair of earrings that matched the new dress you bought, but they weren’t the right style, then you know how frustrating jewelry-buying can be. But at Beading Dreams, no such problems exist. Here, you choose the color. You choose the style. You even choose how much each particular piece of jewelry will cost. And you make it yourself. So you not only get a one-of-a-kind piece of jewelry, but you get the sense of accomplishment that you created it with your own hands. But if your particular hands are more like two left feet, don’t worry; Beading Dreams offers classes on everything from basic jewelry-making to stringing on silk to advanced wire wrapping and forming. Classes change with the seasons, though, so call or go by to get a complete schedule.

We begrudgingly part with our secret: When we’re headed out to a party and don’t have time to cook, we stop by Whole Foods, race to the deli, grab a large container of traditional hummus, book it over to the bakery, snatch a large loaf of rustic Italian bread and head for the checkout line. For $10, you get a classier version of potato chips and French onion dip and something less expected than tortilla chips and salsa. Even when we’ve splurged for the large sizes, we still have never made it back to the car with leftovers. Unless you count smudges of chickpea in the corner of the bowl and a few crumbs in the bag leftovers.

Remind us again: What exactly makes Dallas the “buckle” of the Bible Belt? Granted, when it comes to vice we’re no New Orleans–our food isn’t nearly that good–but when you consider the availability of nudie bars, porn shops and illicit slots here, it ain’t exactly Vatican City either. Case in point: Dallas-based Mutuals.com Inc. this summer launched its Vice Fund (www.vicefund.com), a mutual fund devoted to investing exclusively in tobacco, alcohol, gaming and defense stocks–i.e., the growth industries. We can’t speak to the wisdom of their investment strategy, but their honesty, at least, is refreshing.

The folks at Zeus have taken issue with our fondness (OK, fetish) for Titan Comics; see only the short piece on its bossman, Jeremy Shorr, to confirm their suspicions. But, see, we love Titan for the comics; it’s a fanboy’s paradise, a wet dream for those whose erotic fantasies find Power Girl going at it with Black Cat, and meeeeee-ow. Zeus isn’t that kind of place, and it just took us awhile to get past that; it’s the dork’s privilege, if not birthright, to be a little…nitpicky. Actually, we love Zeus, especially come Christmastime or whenever a friend’s birthday rolls around; we hang out with people who like comics- and movie-related action figures and board games, and Zeus has plenty, alongside the latest issues of Alias and Detective Comics. We’ve dropped plenty of coin here on old toys, too–that Captain Kirk doll we had when we were 12, for instance, which now sells for a week’s salary (worth every penny…and $20 bill).

Listen up, fatty, you’ve had a lifetime of hard work hefting longnecks and munching chicken-fried anything, so why not put that well-earned gut to a little use and try your hand at the Japanese art of sumo wrestling? (That is, if you can call two really big guys bumping bellies an art form. We would, at least to the wrestlers’ faces.) Thanks to this game-rental company, even svelte folk can get in on the action. Texas Sumo provides padded vinyl fat suits–complete with helmets with top-knots–mats and referees for pretend sumo bouts, popular for birthday parties, corporate gatherings and the occasional church group. (Must come in handy for settling those thorny doctrinal debates.) The company also rents a wide array of inflatable carnival games, climbing walls and such (see www.texassumo.com). But for our money, bumbling around in fat suits promises the most fun–just perfect for that big formal wedding reception.

This 1.5 million-square-foot mall near D-FW has everything anybody could possibly want in the way of escaping the weather and wasting time. The 5-year-old mall is one of the largest in Texas and offers a bunch of stuff to do besides shopping. The mall has a 30-screen theater, restaurants and a GameWorks that has a bar. If you get bored with the mall, a Bass Pro Shops Outdoor World is right across the parking lot. There you will see all manner of outdoorsmen and outdoorswomen who make a pilgrimage to this fishing mecca. Also, when you get bored, play “Guess Which Shopper is From Oklahoma.” That’s always fun.

This category is about quantity. Of the rows of chocolate Super Target sells, which include your standard Halloween-sized bags of Almond Joys, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, Snickers bars and the like, there is one deal that will make your eyes pop out: Super Target, the bigger and more upscale version of regular Target, sells a Toblerone bar the size of a fire log for next to nothing. We’re talking 14.1 ounces of pure Swiss-made, almond nougat chocolate ecstasy for $4.99. If the triangular-shaped treat isn’t your taste, 3.05-ounce Lindt bars can be found for $1.79, and bigger still Cadbury bars, weighing in at a belt-busting 4.05 ounces, go for just $1.29.

Of the five Dallas locations and three in Denton County, this Lower Greenville store is the flagship, offering the entire gamut of the hard stuff as well as 1,500 brands of wine, ranging from the best produced by Texas wineries to imports from all over the world. If it’s beer you’re stopping in for, reserve some time to look over the 100 or more brands, ranging from domestic to imported to microbrew labels. Bottom line is that wine is the specialty of the house, proven by the fact that Goody purchasing director Dick Rick Jr. annually travels throughout Europe, South America and Australia to buy the best of the best.

Even the chain grocery stores are stocking Boca burgers, Gardenburgers and other fake meat now. But those who want the good stuff–the filet mignon and caviar of the vegetarian world, if you will–can find the largest selection at the Veggie Garden restaurant stacked in freezer cases at the back of the dining room by the buffet. There’s Tuno (the fake tuna that tastes like the real deal when mixed with Veganaise, the fake mayo, for Tuno salad sandwiches) and little chicken wings made from soy, with small wooden rods serving as bones. Trust us; they taste much better than they sound. These same fake meats are used in Veggie Garden’s all-vegan buffet and menu dishes. Its sister restaurant, Suma’s Veggie Cafe, has a small grocery section in its dining room as well.

While the rest of the world seems to love soccer almost to the point of obsession, we doubt that many people in Dallas would be able to identify the name Pelé or tell you when to catch the next World Cup. (And if we valued our status as Texans, we wouldn’t dare say that we stayed up till wee hours to watch World Cup games but fell asleep during the Super Bowl.) So, for all you soccer subversives out there, Soccer Corner is a “football” mecca. They have all sorts of equipment for actual players–balls, clothing, protective gear–plus T-shirts and hats for those of us who couldn’t make a goal if our life depended on it. If nothing else, being a soccer fan will add a little European flair to your life–especially if you buy the “Soccer Players Do It For 90 Minutes” bumper sticker.

That learning can be fun is a good idea in theory, but it doesn’t hold up when juxtaposed against a compulsory public school education. And there is something about the concept of an educational toy that seems less playful than a toy ought to be. But Learning Express does its best to dispel these notions, offering a wide array of toys that promote knowledge and still offer kids a rollicking good time. Whether it’s the Math Shark or the Geosafari Laptop or a Wrist Rox Bracelet Kit, there is something for every age, gender and interest at Learning Express. Friendly, knowledgeable service cuts against its chain-store origins and that overwhelming feeling you get from a Toys R Us. If you are late for a birthday party and need something fast, not only can you find it here, but Learning Express will gift wrap it as well. That’s why the place is a boon to those of us who are poorly organized and might not have been, if we would have only played with more educational toys in the first place.

CD World must have a stack of these awards by now. But we’ll gladly hand it over to someone new…just as soon as we can walk out of the store empty-handed or without at least three new stamps on our frequent shopper card. It’s the place to go for cheap prices on all the new, popular stuff (The Vines, The Hives, anyone else worshiped by MTV and the staff of Rolling Stone) and for the no-one-likes-it-but-me records. It’s also the only reliable source for used local music, with an inventory that includes entire catalogs by bands such as Bedhead, Baboon and Slobberbone, plus the new releases by bands such as The Deathray Davies and Macavity. The new and used CDs are even shelved together, allowing you to comparison shop as you comb the racks.

Frequently a readers’ pick as the best music store in Dallas, what this chain does best is provide good prices on most of its offerings–and it provides huge offerings. Even somewhat obscure artists from the era when Tower Records carried actual records can be found (on digitally remastered CDs, of course). The store also has tapes, DVDs, posters, magazines and other stuff to keep you occupied for hours. When record-company execs start bitching that online and digital music will destroy their industry, just head to Tower on a Saturday and see people go through the beautiful ritual of touching, reading and purchasing music. Well, it’s beautiful to the people who own the store, at least.

Not only does Nice-born co-owner Yasmine Bohsali serve up the best baguettes and chocolate croissants this side of the Mediterranean, but his shop has become a social gathering spot for French transplants and Americans who speak the language. “Many of our French customers,” Bohsali says, “tell us our place reminds them of home because we’re authentic.” L’Alliance Française, the local chapter of French expatriates, had them cater the group’s recent Bastille Day celebration. Store hours are 7 a.m. to 6:30 p.m.

It’s one of those dying arts that’s now making a strong comeback. Women are getting back into the kind of sewing that Grandma did, says owner Judy Mack. Not only is she an authorized Pfaff dealer, but she offers a variety of fabrics, supplies, notions, books, patterns and–perhaps most important–instruction classes. Instructors will teach you everything from beginning quilting to installing zippers without tears, tatting and digitizing. There are even classes for the kids and teen-agers. Store hours are 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Monday through Saturday.

This eclectic Deep Ellum shop has nothing you need but just about anything you might want. From postcards and handbags to picture frames and decorated hairbrushes, Mark & Larry’s has it all–which makes it an excellent place to find a gift for that person who has everything. They also offer the best selection of greeting cards in town. No matter the occasion, this place has a card for it. Some are sweet and sentimental, but some are crass and downright cruel. And those are the ones we like. Just be sure to keep an eye on the parking meter. It’s easy to while away an entire afternoon thumbing through every card in the rack. Or is that just us?

This place is much more esoteric than it is bookstore. All kinds of herbs and oils with healing and other powers abound. So do votive candles adorned with saints to pray to and things to wish for. Burning a dark green lucky candle adorned with dice, horseshoes and numbers could help a believer win the lottery, for example. Saying the corre diablo corre prayer on the back of a black, burning run devil run candle helps keep evil at bay. And burning a dark blue Saint Dymphna candle while praying to the “youthful martyr of purity” can help console and give strength to those suffering from “nervous disorders, mental anguish or addictions.” If you need to break or cast a hex, the appropriate candles line the shelves here as well.

We picked up an old friend at the airport recently. She married a high roller and moved from Dallas to Las Vegas. She’s all tall and tan, strolling out of D-FW International Airport, sparkling with stunning silver jewelry, carrying a Louis Vuitton train case, with a Gucci bag hanging from her shoulder. “You look great!” we cried, then pointed to a particularly swell bangle bracelet on her right wrist. “Sam Moon, $7,” she said, and she wouldn’t start the evening’s drinking or eating without a quick trip to Dallas’ best import/knock-off store. Sam Moon recently moved to the new Sam Moon Center and filled up two big store-fronts with luggage, jewelry, purses and gift-y tchotchkes. We’ve never seen better–or cheaper–silver earrings, bracelets; better or cheaper watches; better or cheaper fake designer purses. We’ve never spent so much time and so little money for so much crap. Good crap.

Used to be this place had the market cornered–back before Borders stocked its walls with DVDs, back before Fry’s ordered imports and sold them for cutout prices (maybe they just don’t know what they have, but we do). With Movie Trading Company on the verge of selling out to Blockbuster–haven’t heard otherwise, at least since we ran a news item on the proposed buyout–our love for this homegrown chain might diminish; we fear the corporate mentality, since we work for one ourselves. But till then, we love the MTC for three reasons: the nice-price used copies, which sell for several bucks cheaper than new discs; the neighborhood favorites section, always a blast at the Oak Lawn location; and the way you can rent before owning, without Blockbuster’s late fees hanging over your head.

Emeralds to Coconuts, a hip little store with a funny name, offers women’s fashions for young and old. While you won’t necessarily find the latest trends here, you will find rack after rack of fun and stylish women’s clothing, many of the items imported from faraway lands. Even the clearance rack at Emeralds to Coconuts has a lot to offer, such as a sequined rayon skirt from India remarkably priced at $18. And that’s just one example. The incense-scented store also offers a variety of jewelry, accessories and gift items. But possibly the best part about shopping at Emeralds to Coconuts is the friendly service and welcoming atmosphere. No snotty salesgirls here. They even provide a complimentary gift bag and colored tissue paper for your gift items. And on one visit, there were free chocolates at the checkout counter. Could this shopping experience be any better?

This place closed recently, but we wanted to keep it in, because, well, quite honestly, no other bookstore in town so enchanted children. In addition to having a wonderful selection of books for the youngsters, owner Jennifer Anglin had the most customer-friendly place of business you’re likely to ever encounter. The imaginative layout included a stage for such activities as the Polka Dot Theater where high school actors from Booker T. Washington regularly put on short plays and visiting authors read and discussed their books. Its demise is a sad day for tots who read.

This purveyor of chic duds and accessories for ladies and gents doesn’t just dress an AARP associate in a vest and cap to mumble a “howdy” when you walk to the door. They follow up their greetings by asking if you might like a refreshing beverage to go with your shopping experience: a choice of Coke, Sprite or sparkling water in swift little bottles. We’re waiting for them to discover those red Piper-Heidsieck minis. Champagne just makes hellos slide off the lips so much easier. It makes the shopping more dangerous, too.

Gorgeous terra-cotta pots from Italy and Greece, beautiful fired earth pots from Vietnam: Lemmon Avenue Pottery has always been a kind of mecca for the most discriminating potheads, potophiles, pot fans, or whatever you call them, in the entire Southwest.

Unfortunately, there remains an assumption, in this world struggling toward equality for all, that the ladies aren’t as schooled on the secret world beneath the hood of an automobile. Sometimes, a mechanic here and there will try to finagle an unnecessary repair or two based on such assumptions. We believe such practices are a crock. The Zuhdi folk are all about our desire for fair car repairs and estimates, too. They don’t mess around with tidbits and add-ons, they do the work in an incredibly timely manner and they are more than reasonable in price. We salute you, Zuhdi, for your nonprejudiced customer service and your quality of work for men and women alike.

We would never, ever pick a best head shop. Drugs are bad, m’kay? What we come here for are the plentiful gag T-shirts, the comic bumper stickers, the incense. Not that we ever have a call to burn incense. What? You say they have water pipes, too? Hmmm. We thought all those fancy, colored glass sculptures were lamps. Sure are purty. Might have to pick up one of those some day.

America loves the hairless. Hair removal has taken the place of the manicure as a status symbol and has made its way onto many a Dallas woman’s schedule. We think it might be a touch excessive and masochistic to use an Epilady, and Nad’s has been road-tested by several staffers here, and we got no satisfaction. So we turn to the experts, Ms. Hunter in particular, for a considerably more pleasant hair-removal experience. She uses the latest technology (IPL Photo Rejuvenation), makes you feel comfortable (even when you’re not so clothed) and has catlike swiftness. She also does more than hair removal, offering microdermabrasion, facials and anti-aging skin care. Hairless, wrinkle-free and spic-n-span pores sound fine to us; at least the nonsurgical methods won’t make your ears meet in the long run.

Mark Sonna and Larry Groseclose opened their Deep Ellum hipster gift store seven years ago and just this summer opened a second location downtown. The new store is a lot like the old store, except there are posh neighbors like Neiman-Marcus and the Adolphus Hotel, and a vintage atmosphere in the restored 1913 Woolworth Building. Both locations feature kitsch, artist-designed jewelry, retro toys such as pet rocks, sea monkeys and paint-by-number sets and funky home furnishings, but what we like best are the wall-to-wall greeting cards. Mark & Larry’s carries more than 30 of the best lines–Nobleworks, which are funny; Fotofolio also–and hard-to-find handmade cards, many from England. British artists create one-of-a-kind, elaborate cards for the English Card Company and Vigo. Mark & Larry’s carries frames to fit the card works of art–very cool idea, particularly if you pay more than $10 for a card.

Shopping at Sam Moon Trading Co. on a Saturday afternoon is kinda like walking down Bourbon Street during Mardi Gras–minus the naked breasts and 32-ounce hurricanes, of course. But this place is just that crowded. It’s a shopping mob. And like Mardi Gras, Sam Moon is almost too much to take in at once. From the moment you walk through the door, you’re shoulder to shoulder with an army of women with glassed-over eyes and arms filled with goodies. There’s also the occasional husband hidden away in one of the store’s corners, holding a basket and looking just a little bewildered. But if you like cheap, funky jewelry (which we do) and gaudy sequined purses (which we do), then fighting these crowds is worth it. Sam Moon’s selection of adornments for the ears, neck, wrists and toes is beyond compare. Just remember: Move fast and don’t be afraid to use your elbows.

This chic urban pampering asylum done up in shades of swimming-pool blue offers a full menu of delicious traditional treatments like stone therapy massage, anti-aging facials and skin-rejuvenation treatments, in a soothingly comfortable atmosphere. But it goes beyond the ordinary, with laser hair-removal procedures, and Botox treatments and collagen injections administered by a board-certified plastic surgeon. Aqua also offers massages, manicures and pedicures and therapeutic facial mud fights. (Just kidding about the last one.)

You want a TC bare-bones system, Amptron MB, AMD Duron 1.2 gig-hz processor, ATX case, 250-watt power system, 256 Mb of ram, Sis Video and Sis Sound, Sis Network 10/100 mhz plus Sis Modem 56K V90, serial, parallel, USB and PS2 ports with a 15-inch monitor for $520? No, wait. Maybe you want a Toshiba notebook with Intel P-120 mhz processor, 48 megs of ram, a 1.4 gig hard drive, 6x CD rom, SVGA Video with Sis sound, 28.8 modem, serial and parallel ports with MS Windows 98 for $199. This stuff is used, but that’s better than the only other way you’ll ever see these prices, which is out of a bad person’s car trunk. Tran Computer is good, and it makes good on its guarantees. You need it now and you need it cheap: See Tran.

There’s nothing like coming home to that furry little child that’s just fine with eating off the floor and relieving himself in public. That look of appreciation and little mew or woof of love is worth all the money in the world–and sometimes the loyal pet owner will pay just that to keep creatures great and small in good health. Employers, however, don’t often give time off for an animal’s doctor appointment like they do for human children, so it helps to find a place with accessible hours in addition to fair prices. Not to mention, Hillside has a plethora of vets on staff to treat family members ranging from the average baby kitty to the not-so-average hedgehog. The clinic provides prescriptions, carriers, food, accessories and boarding–hot diggity dog!

You can find the same thrill you got by freeze-framing Mark Wahlberg’s prosthetic reveal at the end of the Boogie Nights video along the card racks at Nuvo. Really. Such titillating schlong photography you have never seen, and even Nuvo’s long-standing reputation as a happy bastion for gay men in Dallas’ colorful Oak Lawn area can’t keep the straight women out. It’s fun to watch the hetero gals crowd the (presumably) homo guys in front of the full-color, full-frontal nudity cards-for-any-occasion. Nuvo features other cards, too–many with meditative, philosophical and funny sentiments–but we’ve never found such a selection of naughty bits. And we’ve looked long and hard. We were just trying to see if the models were wearing falsies. Still looking. Jury’s out. Hung jury.

No matter how hard we bemoan the loss of the mom-and-pop hardware store, no matter how inept we are at handymanshipness ourselves, no matter how much we would like reality to be different, let’s face it: Elliott’s rules–certainly in this category, anyway, as it has for years. The big boys like Lowe’s and Home Depot feel so, how shall we say this, Wal-Mart-ish and just don’t tape-measure up when it comes to sales, service and such. Nowhere can you find more interesting stuff, nowhere is that stuff as easy to access, nowhere can you find more knowledgeable help–or any help at all, for that matter. The folks at Elliott’s do their best to make home improvement more than just a rerun of a so-so TV sitcom.

This little blue house turned Mexican import store also consists of a neighboring garden shed full of hidden, hanging piatas of many a color, shape and size. Sarita’s fills custom orders when provided a photo and given at least two weeks’ notice. So if you’ve been wondering how to get your hands on, say, a George W. Bush piata for your next big birthday bash, now you know where to go.

Once again, the key ingredient to a good bookstore is its selection. And the selection of used books (not to mention software and music) at Half Price Books is far and wide. In fact, its store on East Northwest Highway in Dallas is so big, this book lover’s companion recently made the mistake of taking a trip into the store’s “paranormal” section and wound up vanishing into thin air. It took a good hour for her to reappear with body intact, book in hand and, after checkout, bank account still padded.

Perusing the racks, you may find the occasional space where a video once had a home but is now long gone. In its place stands a card berating the thief, with identification if possible. On their Web site, along with new arrivals and special event info, owner Ben Moore features a shoplifter of the week. Needless to say, in person or on the Net, the descriptions are never flattering and always entertaining. We love the ones complete with photos. While you’re there, check out a cult flick or Mark Ryden’s latest book.

Let’s say you’ve found a cherry 1946 Martin 6 horsepower boat motor in your grandfather’s garage, but the rope-pull starter mechanism is broken. You know what most boat shops around Dallas are going to tell you? Tie a rope to it and use it for an anchor. But Barber Boats on Harry Hines is old-style, meaning they actually know how to fix stuff. Boat motors shouldn’t be like computers: The answer shouldn’t always be to throw it away and get a new one. At Barber it’s not like that.

If you thought Whole Foods had a unique selection of soap, you haven’t seen anything. Established in 1752, Caswell-Massey is, as it claims, “America’s oldest chemists and perfumers,” and now Dallas residents can shop at one of its newest locations. Need soap? They’ve got a skin-tingling array of domestic and imported soaps made of everything from oatmeal to lavender and beyond. The store also sells a wide array of other pampering products, including body oils, shampoos and crèmes. Unlike many toiletry stores, which tend to focus on her needs, Caswell-Massey carries a wide selection of men’s products, including sandalwood and almond-scented shaving creams. They go perfectly with the house’s very own silver-tipped badger shave brush. Remember those?