Food & Drink

Pizza in the morning? Pizza in the evening? Pizza at suppertime? Count us in. Until, that is, we can’t stomach the thought of once again traversing the dangerous Dallas waters of mediocre delivery pies and we’d-rather-not-discuss-it crusts. Enter Quesa-D-Ya’s, a business model so effin’ obvious that we don’t understand how it hasn’t yet swept the nation. Here’s how it works: They make quesadillas — big ones, filled with whatever ingredients you want — and you can order it for either pickup or delivery. There are a number of different options on the menu; we prefer the build-your-own. And, because we’re fatties, we prefer our orders with a side of the very-solid queso, so we can dip them sumbitches in the cheesy goodness for that little something extra. Oh, and speaking of extra: Order the large. You won’t come close to finishing it, but you’ll have leftovers that hold up shockingly well for days. If nothing else, consider it a way to avoid going to the grocery store for a bit. That’s why people order pizza anyway, right? C’mon, that can’t be just us.

Can $2 margaritas ever be a bad thing? We’d like to think not. Sure, for that price there’s no guarantee that your frozen tequila beverage won’t be too watery, sugary, tart or florescent green, but hey, it’s $2 and for a few bucks you’re guaranteed at least some kind of tequila-induced buzz. So, you can imagine our delight when we discovered a $2 margarita that was actually pretty darn great. Every Sunday and Monday after 4 p.m., Mario Sabino’s Mexican & Salvadoran Restaurant on Lemmon serves $2 house margs. They offer the choice between frozen or on the rocks, and we recommend one of each. The margaritas are especially great with their complimentary chips, bean dip and salsa.

Once tucked away on West Davis Street in Oak Cliff, the original Gloria’s served up some mighty tasty, traditional El Salvadoran meals. Now, 25 years later, the tiny, family-run business has erupted into a local institution with 13 locations, in DFW and Austin. Just this year, the original Oak Cliff location at 600 West Davis St. closed its doors for good and moved its staff down the street into the historic Fire Station No. 15. Sure, the station has been renovated, but it still has plenty of fire-station charm, including a pole that splits the upstairs and downstairs dining rooms.

The only thing better than the Libertine’s bar food is the Libertine’s bar food on Tuesdays. Each Tuesday, the Libertine hosts half-price food night, when everything on the menu (with the exception of the cheese plate) is half-priced. Chef Taylor McCreary does his best to accommodate customers who have been eating at the European-style pub for years with items like the hog wings — miniature pork shanks tossed in poblano pepper sauce served with pickled carrots and celery. He also makes sure to keep it fresh adding new items as the seasons turn. Make sure to come early to snag a spot, as it gets pretty packed. And if you make it in before 7 p.m. you’ll be there in time for happy hour.

Birth control is free! Yay! But, if you ever need a supplement, a serious kick in the “Ya know, maybe it’s time to have another kid” brain, stroll on into a Gatti Town and pay admission to the combo pizza buffet and shit show. The screaming. Oh, the screaming. And the crying. And the running-full-speed-into-walls over and over again. But enough about what you’ll be doing. Let’s talk about why parents love Gatti Town: No matter how much “Daddy, I want it now!” full-on Veruca Salt-ing your own kid is doing, there’s always someone else’s booger-soaked, sugar-highed kid there doing something worse. High five! You’re an awesome parent! Plus, there’s “All-You-Care-To-Eat” pizza! So, you leave with a full belly and a full heart. (And an empty wallet, but whatever.) Oh, the power of arcade games and a carb buffet.

Tucked away in a tiny 1920s bungalow on Routh, Crooked Tree Coffeehouse is a place to escape the hustle and bustle of city life. While it won’t necessarily be easy to find a place to sit and set up your computer on most days, the overall vibe is more unassuming and laid back than your average Dallas coffee shop. Inside you’ll find several cozy rooms, each painted a different color and furnished with a mishmash of couches, chairs and coffee tables. The staff is easygoing and willing to assist with drink selections — no pretentious coffee snobbery here. And as you sit back and sip on your cup of coffee, you might suddenly feel like you’re in a smaller, slower city.

There are hundreds of different ways to make fried chicken, but the one employed at Oak Cliff coffee shop and restaurant Oddfellows is more likely to be seen on an episode of Iron Chef America than in a typical Southern kitchen. The chicken is prepared sous vide, a slow cooking method, then battered and fried to order. This ensures that each bite will be tender and juicy, and it cuts down on time spent waiting for your order. The restaurant encourages sharing, only offering portions big enough for two. Don’t let that throw you off, though. The pieces at Oddfellows are from naturally raised chickens, which means they’re smaller than the ones from your typical fried-chicken joint. Bigger isn’t always better.

History and booze collide at The Cedars Social each night. When you walk up to the bar in the amber-lit pseudo ’70s cocktail den, you’re greeted with a drink menu cloaked in a folder that looks like a CIA top-secret mission assignment. Once opened, you’ll find the menu, curated by barman Michael Martensen, divided by eras rather than composition. You’d be hard-pressed to find a better Old Fashioned in town. And in a vodka city, as Dallas has been described by several top mixologists, the inclusion of the Moscow Mule, the first popular vodka cocktail in the United States, should hit the spot for any discerning Dallas drinker. Regardless of what you order, the drinks are uniform no matter which bartender makes them.

Shannon and Jenni Neffendorf, the folks behind Oak Cliff Coffee Roasters, aren’t thinking big. They’re not trying to become the next Starbucks or compete in the international coffee trade. They’re thinking local, and they have their minds on something quite small: your coffee cup. They want to fill it with the purest, freshest, most flavorful coffee possible. They’re doing so by developing relationships with the coffee farmers and roasting the beans in small batches, which are each tested strenuously before being distributed to the handful of local stores that sell it by the pound. While the single-origin coffees offer a variety of flavors, we suggest trying a pound of their Hidden City Espresso.

There’s something funky in the fudge at Oak Cliff chocolate laboratory and shop Dude, Sweet Chocolate. Same goes for the rest of the chocolate offerings created by chef Katherine Clapner. There’s tobacco in one bite and curry in another, and the white chocolate popcorn is laced with green olives. The store offers a rotating menu of Clapner’s chocolate experiments, which, thanks to the generous samples handed out by the store’s enthusiastic employees, can all be sampled before purchase. Chances are you’ll stumble across some pretty strange flavors, but discovering how well rich chocolate pairs with bacon is pretty sweet, dude.

This Cedar Springs coffee shop and café serves up a lot of great things, most of which come complete with LGBT double entendres. Take, for example, “A Big Girl,” the shop’s large 20-ounce size coffee; the 16-ounce “Butch”; and the Scream’n Queen (a red eye). The menu at Buli includes everything from grilled paninis to breakfast burritos and omelets, but what really stands out is the cafe’s German chocolate cake, heaped with layers of chocolate and coconut. It’s best paired with their Naughty Toddy (iced coffee). The cake, like all of Buli’s cakes and breads, is made at Massimo commercial bakery. And while they don’t have it every day, the cake can be made to order.

Here’s how you can tell that the food’s legit at Taco Joint: Every time you go there — and when you do, you better go before 2 p.m., because that’s when they close, and breakfast and lunch are all this place serves — you’ll find yourself surrounded by people wearing hospital scrubs. Baylor employees, one assumes. But, thing is, the Joint isn’t that close to Baylor. And it’s not particularly healthy either. So, what gives? Our best guess: It’s too damn tasty to turn down — especially the massive breakfast burrito called The Great Gordo (yes, named after KTCK-1310 AM The Ticket morning show personality Gordon Keith). A 14-inch flour tortilla filled with eggs, bacon, potatoes, chorizo and ohmygodsomuchcheese, this thing’s a beast. We recommend taming it with some of the Joint’s killer ranch salsa. Like we said, doctors are all around. If ever there were a place to have a heart attack …

Mike Snider’s AllGood Cafe clearly has a thing for our state’s capitol. The little placards announcing the upcoming dinnertime shows at the Deep Ellum mainstay proudly boast that a trip to the AllGood is like a trip to Austin, “without having to go through Waco,” no offense to Waco, we guess. Fitting, then, that the best thing on the menu (yes, ahead of the chicken-fried steak, even) is the so-called “South Austin Migas.” The AllGood’s version of the classic Tex-Mex breakfast item pairs scrambled eggs with diced, grilled veggies. Mix it up all up, pile it high in a provided flour tortilla, top it off with some green salsa and it’s tangy and sweet — but not too powerful to overwhelm your cup of hot coffee. It goes down smoothly and deliciously. And, when all you’re worried about is keeping last night’s intake down, that’s all you really need. Hungover? Us too! But drag your ass out of bed and trust us. If you can get your throbbing head to Trinity Hall, everything will be OK soon. Tell your server you have an emergency and order these four things: a glass of water, a cup of coffee, the English breakfast and a pint of Guinness, please. Pound the water and sip the coffee while your pint warms up just a touch. By this time, your English breakfast will have arrived. They say grease is a great hangover cure, and Trinity Hall pulls out all the stops. Fried eggs, bangers and bacon are just the start. Black and white pudding and a bowl of baked beans are ready to right your aches and pains too. Buttered toast will soak up that nausea and leave you in a cholesterol-laden, pleasant haze. You might even be ready for a shot of Jameson after.

Rahr & Sons Brewing Company Winter Warmer is a fine holiday-season beer, a chocolatey, roasty smooth English dark ale with a nice kick at 8.5 percent alcohol by volume. But the bourbon barrel-aged version, usually called “Whiskey Warmer” by those in the know, is our favorite locally made beer. The ale picks up some sweet vanilla, brown sugar and toffee notes from the aging and whiskey soaking, making an already great beer outstanding. The beer has changed each year as the brewery switched brands from Old Forester to Maker’s Mark to, most recently, Jim Beam. Whether one of those will be used again (we were partial to the Maker’s batch) or something new (one of the rash of up-and-coming Texas bourbons, please?), we’ll be waiting at our favorite beer bar for a pint. Or store: Last year, Rahr appeased the masses clamoring to get some in stores by finally offering 22-ounce bottles of the previously draft-only brew.

World Beer Co., online purveyor of fine beers, has taken to the street with the opening of this cozy bar on Greenville Avenue. The feel of the place is sort of a cross between university reading room and corner pub. Instead of books lining the walls, you’ll find a whole lot of beer from all around the world. It claims to offer 500 different beers, but who’s counting? Maybe the best thing this place offers is a truly sophisticated, may we say beer-opolitan wait staff able to tell you a plausible story for each and every one of those 500 brews. But who’s listening? This is a place to taste, and there are enough on the shelves to keep you at your studies for a very long time.

If Keith Schlabs, partner and “beer guru” of the Flying Saucer chain and Meddlesome Moth, isn’t the godfather of the North Texas craft-beer scene, we don’t know who is. With more than 15 years’ worth of history working with domestic and international breweries, he has the juice to get hold of the rarest, most obscure and sought-after kegs, casks and bottles available in the area. Safe to say many of those breweries owe him a solid or two for introducing their product to this market. And he put that influence to work leading up to Ale Week, the Moth’s one-year anniversary celebration April 4-10. The highlight had to be the Saturday Strong Ale Festival, with more than 50 different strong ales, some of them cellared for months or even years, others rare birds normally unavailable in the area. But you don’t have to wait till Ale Week to find them — stop by for a Wednesday night keg or cask tapping. Or any night, really — just ask your bartender what’s new.

In three years of watching and competing in the Libertine Bar’s annual corn-dog eating contest, we’ve seen contestants order and down shots mid-bout, seen a drunken “pregnant” girl give birth (to a balloon, but still) under the table in the midst of the action and watched a contestant run outside to vomit and return to finish the match. Intoxicated and nitrate-maddened spectators will intimidate and threaten physical violence against rivals. And God forbid you should tie with anyone, as that is settled with a triple-shot tequila shoot-off — rotgut, dirt-cheap well tequila, that is. Exactly the last thing you want in your belly following 15 grueling minutes of two-fisting corn dogs. A $100 bar tab for first prize may not make it the most lucrative eating contest, but we have yet to witness one that can bring together seasoned gurgitators and wide-eyed newcomers alike in such a wild-ass, fun-loving and, by golly, patriotic contest.

While kids may clamor for a trip to Chuck E. Cheese and other shrines to sensory overload, it’s hard to call such establishments “restaurants.” “Arcades that happen to serve pizza” is more like it. But Babe’s — a perennial Best Of candidate for its fried chicken — definitely qualifies. The unlimited refills of sides, including the sweet creamy corn and green beans with enough salt to get kids to actually ask for seconds, let them enjoy opulence on the cheap, while the catfish, enormous chicken-fried steak and crispy, moist chicken ensure that parents enjoy it just as much. Kids can distract themselves counting chickens in the eaves, reading the country-fried signs hanging everywhere, trying to find the “hidden” bathroom doors or watching the creepy man-sized stuffed Easter Bunny costume morph into an equally uncanny cat costume. Most entertaining of all is when the servers serenade birthday boys and girls (of all ages) and make them put on a stuffed chicken hat and beak, flap their arms and dance like a yardbird.

A touchstone gastropub since before people started using that silly term around these parts, the Libertine offers upscale cuisine at bar-food prices and has a great selection of craft beers and imports. It manages to do so without succumbing to the pitfalls of a stuffy atmosphere or high prices. So it makes sense that its monthly beer dinners (7 p.m. on the last Wednesday of the month) would offer great food with well thought-out complementary suds and, best of all, generous pours. Even though they’re on the cheaper end of the beer-dinner spectrum at $50 per person, we’ve gotten way drunker at Libertine beer dinners than at others around town that cost considerably more.

A true grill master knows exactly how to make his favorite steak: a blazing hot grill and just the right amount of seasoning for a crispy sear and a bloody center. But even on his best day, a grill master is humbled by the Cote de Boeuf (bone-in rib-eye) at Bob’s Steak and Chop House. Perhaps it’s because the steaks at Bob’s are aged for 28 days before cooking, or because the local chain has been making perfect steaks for nearly 20 years. That fact, coupled with the great wine selection and the signature sweetly glazed carrot that comes with each steak will likely send any grill master back to the drawing board — and definitely back to Bob’s.

Pepe & Mito’s in Deep Ellum is a great place to go when you have a hankerin’ for tacos al pastor or a pork tamale lunch special with a side of people-watching. It’s also toddler-going-nuts-on-an-enchilada friendly. And it’s the perfect pre-party Tex-Mex carb load for a night of drunkenness in Deep Ellum. The waitstaff always knows just what you need. Walk in with a big group at dinnertime and the waiter will ask, “Margarita?” Walk in with a toddler at lunch and the waiter will ask, “Margarita?” It’s like they’re inside your brain. Add to that the wonderfully lard-y homemade tortillas; one ridiculous, sombrero-wearing parrot mascot; and blindingly fast service and you have a real winner for classic, trashy-but-not-too-trashy Tex-Mexsteraunt. Whatever you do, don’t forget the sopapillas. Never. Forget. The sopapillas.

The kimchee fries at the SSahm BBQ food truck are everything that food truck food should be: tasty, cheap and fun. The fresh, hand-cut fries smothered in Monterey Jack and cheddar cheeses, cilantro, onion, caramelized kimchee and spicy mayo are a little bit traditional, a little bit blasphemy and a lot delicious. The Korean barbecue tacos sold here are a solid choice too. We’re partial to the spicy pork, but all the options are good. With so many new food trucks in Dallas, it’s nice to go to a truck that has everything about food truckery figured out. Their food is great, their schedule is easy to find online, their menu is easy to navigate, they have tables and chairs in the shade when they’re in the Arts District and they even have a waitress-type equipped with a credit-card-accepting iPhone to make your food purchase quick and painless.

Before you get all uppity and ask us what the hell we’re thinking calling a California-based fast-food burger joint the Best New Restaurant in Dallas, let us refresh your memory: people idling for hours in the drive-through when the first In-N-Out east of Arizona opened this May in Frisco; cops called out to direct traffic; that one woman we found weeping — weeping — tears of joy as she ate her burger; a lane of traffic closed on Central Expressway’s service road to accommodate In-N-Out fans. Honestly, we don’t get what all the fuss is about either. It’s a hamburger, not a cure for baldness, but who are we to argue with The People? Any burger joint that can stir up that kind of mass hysteria deserves some kind of kudos, even if it’s not for their food.

The best pizza in Dallas isn’t a pizzeria, but a specific pie. Jay Jerrier’s much beloved pizza has won almost unanimous praise from Dallas pizza freaks with only a few complaining about soggy crust. Neapolitan style crust is notoriously delicate and appreciated best when it’s not heavily assaulted with sauce and embellishments. Unfortunately, locals prefer heavy-handed pizza topping, resulting in a round which might be better described as Texapolitan pie. Not so with Cane Rosso’s Regina Margherita, which places quality above quantity, leveraging mozzerella di bufala instead of the restaurant’s regular cow’s milk cheese. The buffalo version is richer, more dense and has less water content, which protects from a soggy crust. It’s really the best way to let Dallas’ top pizza shine.

We know it’s part of a chain and in a mall. Don’t tell anyone, because it’ll ruin our hipster cred, but we kind of like the mall, we’ve been known to patronize chain restaurants (especially those imported from California) and we love McCormick & Schmick’s. What’s not to love? The wide variety of fresh fish flown in from around the globe, prepared to your specifications and served by staff who can tell you what’s cooking and how it’ll taste? The variety of oysters from Texas, Canada and points northeast served fresh, briny and raw from the oyster bar? The blue crab tower appetizer with mango, avocado and huge lumps of moist crab meat? Listen, you want non-chain authenticity, there are plenty of shacks around town slinging fried catfish and shrimp. If you’re like us and occasionally want to treat yourself to the kind of seafood that’s usually found in cities with harbors, you can’t do better than a trip to the mall. Just wear a hat in case any of your cool friends see you there.

We’re a little picky about our sushi ’round the Observer. We know the fish dish has become ubiquitous, available in grocery store refrigerators, convenience stores … shoot, it’s probably free with a fill-up at some gas station somewhere in the city. Uh, thanks, but we’ll pass. We’re still a little dubious on this whole raw fish thing, and if we’re going to eat it, we want it served fresh, cool and clean and preferably not from someone named Mildred slicing meat behind the counter at Tom Thumb. (No offense meant, Mildred.) Yutaka Sushi Bistro has just what we’re looking for: sashimi so fresh you can smell the sea in the silken tuna, salmon, octopus and other varieties of ocean fare. It arrives cut precisely, soothingly chilled and silky and arranged so meticulously on wooden plates that it looks fit for a still life. (There are rolls and hot Japanese dishes on the menu too.) The restaurant, black lacquer and bamboo in a vaguely industrial space in a shopping strip, is just as artful and so clean you want to wash up before you enter. Yutaka serves sushi as it was meant to be — an art form created by craftsmen, not something rolled, chopped and shoved under a layer of plastic wrap.

When it comes to Chicago-style dogs, Eddie knows his stuff. The Chicago native was sick and tired of not getting a good hot dog here in town after he made the move from the Windy City to Dallas. He drove to Arlington and back in his quest for the perfect dog, but alas, he couldn’t find one. It was his dad who finally prompted him to start his own hot-dog joint. The tiny shop is located at the intersection of Northwest Highway and Abrams Road, and can be spotted by its red and yellow Vienna beef umbrella out front. The dogs are as authentic as it gets, made from Vienna beef, sandwiched between a poppy seed bun and topped with relish, tomatoes, mustard, hot peppers and pickles. And while $4.50 may seem expensive for a hot dog, it’s a heck of a lot cheaper than a plane ride to Chicago.

Located on Lower Greenville Avenue, just past the Granada Theater, this neighborhood gem serves some of the best salads and sandwiches in town. Some favorites include the Monticello Italiano sandwich, Mercedes shrimp roll and the Mockingbird turkey and apple sandwich. If you don’t feel like a sammy, you can always grab any number of their house-made salads, like the Morningside chicken salad, or sip on a latte and sink your teeth into one of their many gourmet sweet selections.

For those who are inexperienced elotes consumers, it might seem impossible to mess up corn in a cup, but the truth is some elotes carts are better than others. When it comes to delicious, sweet, creamy and spicy elotes, the cart at the Fiesta on Ross Avenue takes the cob. The corn to butter to mayonnaise to cheese to sour cream to hot sauce ratios are perfect. So’s the two-buck price.

Located in Denton right off the square, J&J’s pizza has been serving up gourmet slices since 1997. For a flat rate of $5 you can load up a slice of pie (one slice is actually two slices) with as many toppings as you’d like. And if you’re feeling parched, you can grab a $2 can of Schlitz. Not only does J&J’s have delicious, affordable pizza and cheap beer, the basement provides an intimate venue space and hosts bands most days of the week.

The rest of Texas might disagree, but who cares? This is Big D, and in Dallas the greatest brisket can be found at Pecan Lodge. Barbecue has always been a humble affair, but pit masters who treat a great cut of brisket with respect and a good dose of smoke make cowboy chow a thing of beauty. That savory crust and intense flavor would be insulted if you dabbled in that tiny cup of tangy sauce. Save it for the smoky sausage with so much garlic that date night will be ruined for two days. Ribs and pulled pork don’t stand out as brightly, but it’s hard to shine while in the shadow of Dallas’ bar-none best brisket.

It’s a total sausagefest at Lockhart Smokehouse. Every day, Jill and Jeff Bergus open up their restaurant, pitmaster Tim McLaughlin whips out his sausage and people line up and pay to eat it. Countless times, the folks at Lockhart Smokehouse have heard grammas utter the phrase, “Gimme some of your sausage.” And they happily oblige, without once replying, “That’s what she said.” Because they’re professionals, dammit. They’re also the exclusive purveyors of the legendary, freaking amazing, 110-year-old recipe Kreuz Market sausage in Dallas. If you haven’t experienced Lockhart Smokehouse’s sausage, you really should get over there and join the meat party. Take one bite of Kreutz original or jalapeño sausage and if you don’t start pillowtalking it, we’re pretty sure you’re not human.

A purist might scoff, but sometimes you order a margarita with one explicit purpose. If getting tanked is your goal, then your best margarita can be found at Gloria’s. Sure they use a mix, but at least they use it sparingly. The drinks arrive barely tinted with sours and almost clear with alcohol. That first sip? Rocket fuel! But things will even out soon enough. Keep drinking while you munch on free chips with salsa and black bean dip, and then order a second round. Still think this might not be the best margarita in town? Order a third, and repeat this process as necessary. Given time, and an iron stomach, eventually you’ll agree.

Dining on the cheap doesn’t have to suck. Ethnic restaurants provide affordable fare that’s still inspired, but sometimes the ambiance leaves a little to be desired. Want something cheap with a sleek atmosphere and top-notch service? Head to Craft for lunch service, where many menu items come in below $15. The roast chicken takes top honors, with juicy flesh and crispy skin that has staying power. The portion is not quite as big as dinner, but here’s the thing. The kitchen throws in a lovely mixed green salad, gratis. Other embellishments and amuse-bouches amp up your experience as well, like a crisp fried arancini and a tiny plate of tiny cookies. The chicken is a deal on its own, but with all these freebies, Craft makes a compelling lunch offer. If you want to double down, ask your server for the wine list. You’ll pay another $15 or so for a glass, but the staff will let you try a few pours to make sure you like what you drink. You just got Dallas’ best roast chicken for a song. Live a little.

Burgers, Reubens, chicken wings: We love bar food because of its familiarity. On nearly every bar menu we can expect the same classics will comfort us whether our stool is across the street or across the country. Most bars pay lip service to these classics, executing the bare minimum to turn a check and get a plate out the door, but every now and then a restaurant with a competent kitchen tries to kick things up. When they succeed, you get a memorable meal at an affordable price. NHS Tavern is just that type of bar. Take the burger, sporting beef ground in house topped with aged cheddar cheese, great bacon and a flavorful sauce. A sexy sesame studded bun doesn’t hurt things either. Or try that Reuben, with corned beef cooked in house and a kraut spiced up with jalapeño. Great wings and other bar sandwiches inspired from cuisines around the world round out what makes for the best bar food in Dallas.

Dean Fearing has been the — so sorry — dean of Dallas chefs for north of 20 years, but this isn’t a nostalgia award. Fearing deserves renewed recognition because he truly is the city’s once and future best chef. Fearing is consistency personified, as he delivers some of the nation’s, let alone Big D’s, most palate-popping cooking. And the thing of it is, he doesn’t have to. After he cooked his last lobster taco at the Mansion, Fearing could have moseyed off in his Lucchese boots, secure in his place in the firmament of great Dallas chefs. Instead, he rose up like a fire-roasted phoenix four years ago with his eponymous restaurant, Fearing’s. Since then, his has become, according to no less a snooty authority than The New York Times, one of the “top 10” tables in the entire country, which, Governor Rick Perry’s secessionist dreams aside, still includes Dallas. Fearing deserves this crown because instead of resting on his considerable laurels (“Table of the Year” per Esquire, Zagat’s No. 1 hotel dining spot in all of United States) his restaurant produces some of the city’s few truly destination dishes: Buffalo tenderloin, marinated longer than most marriages, or a Gulf shrimp taco doing a tangy tango with pickled onion and mango. It’s all enough to reaffirm Fearing’s place as the country’s preeminent avatar (sorry Bobby Flay) for Southwestern cuisine at its most haute.

Oddfellows’ Buffalo chicken mac ‘n’ cheese is so much more than noodles and artisan cheese. Does that skew the playing field? Maybe, but this isn’t a democracy. Make no mistake, this is no side dish to your Wagyu burger (which is delicious). It’s an entrée. A pair of chicken tenders coated in buffalo sauce sit on a bed of macaroni, scallions and blue cheese from Dublin, Texas. Now, for those of you disposed to imbibe, here’s a recommendation: Chase it with an IPA, because this stuff is spicy. Not intolerably spicy, mind you, but pleasantly so. Follow these instructions, and you’ve laid the foundation for a solid night of drinking.

Franconia brewmaster and owner Dennis Wehrmann is a native of the Bavarian region of Germany, home to some of Europe’s finest beers and the reinheitsgebot, or German Beer Purity Law. He comes from a family with centuries of brewing experience, and you can taste it in every drop of Franconia’s German-style beers. The brewery doesn’t go wild with extreme styles, hybrids or knock-you-on-your-ass levels of alcohol, instead sticking with a few traditional styles like the crisp and smooth lager, the rich and malty dunkel and the refreshing wheat. Almost as refreshing is Wehrmann’s insistence on environmentally friendly production. The mash spent in the brewing process is recycled into cattle feed, the brewery is housed in an energy-efficient building and Franconia is encouraging the reuse of bottles by working on the implementation of a refund system for the return of 1-liter flip-top vessels in a handful of local stores. We’ll prost to that.

Don’t be scared. It’s OK. Sure, it’s one of the hottest peppers on the planet, but it works. In some sort of sweet, spicy symphony, this chili builds — Vivaldi-style — into a perfect climax of flavors. Several bites in, just when the scalp and the backs of your ears start burning, you’ll confidently whisper, “It’s delicious.” Also, it’s really hot. Like, a pepper punched you in the nards hot. The pepper melds, however, in a genius way with the ground beef, sausage, onions and Stone Smoked Porter (yay beer in the chili!). Who knows how it’ll come out for you later, but worry about that when you’re dead.

Hunger that stems from drunken debauchery shouldn’t be treated any differently than hunger that stems from your body’s nutritional needs. Cafe Brazil understands this — understands you, your needs — and prepares eggs accordingly, perfectly runny but not undercooked, even at 4 a.m. While other unintended bad decisions often occur between 1 a.m. and 5 a.m., eating hockey-puck yolks does not have to be one of them. “Not Just Another Eggs Benedict” is just that thanks to spicy cream sauce that mixes with the yolks in such a way that it preemptively cures hangovers by what must be a proprietary chemical combination. Hell, it’s so good, it might even cure the common cold.

It sounds so basic, almost a little too girly, like something you’d find heavily sweetened in a martini glass. Take one sip of watermelon-infused vodka with club soda for added fizz, however, and you will never again snap-judge a drink by its fruit. It’s only as sugary as it needs to be, which is hardly sweet at all, and with only enough watermelon pulp to let you know that yes, this is the fresh stuff, simple and perfect. Gabe Sanchez, bartender and proprietor, might very well be the city’s most welcoming host, and plastic cups add to the place’s relaxed neighborhood vibe, meaning you can sip your light pink drink the way it should be savored, in cut-off shorts and a comfortable T-shirt. Meander through the narrow bar area to a picnic table on the back patio and you’ll feel like you’re in a favorite neighbor’s backyard. And you are, ’cause it’s Gabe’s.

Don’t worry, these eggs aren’t green, but they do pack a mean punch. Served on small rounds of fresh bread and topped with what appears to be egg salad but will make you want to smack your dining companion in glee, these equally crunchy and mushy little treats are the most decadent and perhaps fanciest comfort food imaginable. It’s as though they fit into an enclave of your stomach the way you wedge into your favorite corner of your couch. With bits of crab and avocado to add texture and body to the spicy egg mixture, the whole assembly is simply perfect — the ideal finger-food pacer amidst happy hour drinks. And it’s no coincidence the dish is a Sfuzzi creation: It’s as dainty as the restaurant’s female patrons and as aggressive as the men.

Yoo-hoo with a stiff slug of vanilla vodka and some coffee liqueur in it sounds like a recipe for disaster, and it is, in the best way. Frozen to the slushy, satisfying consistency of a milkshake and deliciously chocolaty, it’s easy to drink one (or five) of these things without noticing how deceptively strong they are. Better still, a Yoohoo Yeehaw lets you relive the best part of your lunch box while still enjoying one of the only perks of being a grown-up.

Most times, a cup of coffee opens your eyelids just enough to get you in the car and pointed toward the office. But sometimes, like at The Pearl Cup, the coffee sings. Their secret-recipe signature lattes are the stuff of legend, especially the “silky micro-foam.” (We don’t know exactly what that is either, but damned if it doesn’t taste amazing). The espresso is always velvet smooth, freshly made and strong without tasting burnt or bitter. If coffee snobbery’s not your thing, come anyway for the breakfast paninis with Nutella and marshmallow fluff. The parking situation at the shop nearest us sucks, but we’ll happily brave it for another shot of that sweet, sweet espresso.

Yeah, we understand that the health value of frozen yogurt is somewhat diluted when you ladle 12 Oreos, a Heath bar, some mochi and a half pound of gummy bears on there, OK? But the motto of this franchise is “You rule.” Meaning we call the shots, so we’re just gonna scoop some more cookies on here, and maybe a shot or two of rainbow sprinkles, then mosey over to the fruit side of the bar and add some blueberries for color, and you can just keep your judgment to yourself. Besides an awesome candy, fruit and cookie selection to top your froyo, they also get a thumbs-up for the inventiveness of the yogurt flavors themselves: Try fan favorite red velvet cupcake, pitch-perfect New York cheesecake or a delicious, creamy rendition of green tea, which we’re pretty sure is still, like, totally good for you, even with an entire Snickers on top.

Screw the Wheaties. The real breakfast of champions, especially on a lazy Sunday, is a good Bloody Mary. It should be strong without being overpowering, spicy without making your eyes water, and, above all, there should be some stuff keeping your alcohol company in that glass: olives, pickles, celery, whatever, as long as there’s a little bite of sourness and crunch to pingpong off the spicy red of the drink. Meridian Room isn’t afraid to garnish their version with all the goodies. When it’s Sunday afternoon, we’re pleasantly buzzed, and our total vegetable intake for the day so far is what’s in our liquor, we know we’re at Meridian.

When The End comes, some of us figure we might be greeting a large, reddish, hoofed fellow carrying a ledger marked “accounts payable.” In that moment, we hope we’re carrying lots of Dude, Sweet’s artisan chocolates, fudges and marshmallows. Is it possible to corrupt the ultimate corrupter? If anything can, it would be Dude, Sweet Chocolate’s “Break Up Potion,” with Breckenridge bourbon, agave syrup, Valrohna cocoa and Venezuelan dark chocolate sauce. When it looks like the jig is finally up on Earth, our plan is to lay in a stock of these $30 bottles of sweet syrupy sin. Facing the ultimate damnation — eternity bunking with the former contestants of The Bachelor — would we swap for better accommodations? Hmm. Tough call. This potion is just that good.

The regular menu is always wonderful at this Old East Dallas nook, but it’s the blackboard that really surprises and delights: mussels with white wine, garlic, basil, chorizo and marinara; tempura crab cakes with avocado/pepper salad and citrus vinaigrette; beef tenderloin with blue cheese and Parmesan polenta; poached egg and tomato Hollandaise. The owners and chef make sure you’ll never come into their place and fail to find something new and wonderful to try. But call well ahead. This tiny place, split between two rooms two doors apart on the street, has become very popular. No wonder.

For the amount you spend on two Starbucks Frappuccinos — about 10 bucks — you can gorge yourself on a buffet lunch of truly delicious Mediterranean food: a crispy falafel here, a charred lamb kabob there, a perfectly juicy cube of chicken breast, pita liberally coated in zaatar spices — anything you can think to drag through mountainous globs of hummus, babaganoush and tzatziki sauce. Half of your plate will inevitably hold a divine mush of condiments for the protein of your choosing. Eat grape leaves with a fork to submerge them completely in a pool of yogurt sauce. Make a mess of a sandwich with pita, hummus and fresh tabbouleh. Whatever, it’s delicious. Bring someone who won’t judge you, and dive in.

When you see the Big Rib, Smoke’s giant-honking meat shank with its hominy casserole and fresh herb chimichurri, you’ll shout something reminiscent of Denzel Washington in Training Day: “Fred Flintstone ain’t got nothing on me!” It’s so big and meaty, you’ll think first of how you’ll conquer the dish — “hominy first, with meat?” Then, the walls drop away, and you’re left in savory bliss because you’ve waited no longer. Dear readers, Oak Cliff’s tenderest meat is this rib. It’s the rib you’ve always been imagining when you utter the word “rib.” Certainly there’s no shortage of conversation on the subject of Tim Byres’ unique pork creations, like his succulent guanciale or bold pulled pork. The Big Rib, at $24, isn’t cheap “barbecue,” but it’s the best rib in Dallas, hands down.

Nestled into the sterilized, gentrified corner of a strip mall in Plano, close to the lauded burger joint Five Guys, is the Holy Grail. (No. Not literally. That’s the joint’s name.) The Observer has blessed Holy Grail’s dishes like the fried goat cheese balls and burger, but we’ve managed to leave out something simple: the soft pretzels. No, oh no, these aren’t those bullshit things you get at Auntie Anne’s. These are house-made, butter-brushed and kosher-salted bread twists. And they come with béchamel cheese sauce and spicy stone-ground mustard. Two people can take this appetizer down, or maybe one person with a sick hangover. Either way, one bite of buttery, soft, oven-hot bread with the cheese sauce, and you ain’t leaving for a while.

Maybe it’s annoying to say it, but Local is old-school. Real old-school. There are no moose heads on the wall or annoying string quartet playing the Titanic theme on repeat. It’s honest. Also, they have small but perfect portions of dishes such as fried green beans and pan-seared Maine lobster cake. Another old-school (and awesome) move by chef Tracy Miller: Hudson Valley foie gras. This isn’t a little pâté spread on a tiny cracker: The foie gras is presented whole and seared as right as any meat you’ve ever had, served with house-made Texas toast and drizzled lightly with blueberry compote. Bring your vegetarian friends and show them what they’re missing. Show them by changing your order from the guilt-free heirloom tomato thing at the last minute, just as they’re getting their three-cheese scratch ravioli or balsamic roasted beets. They’ll love theirs, sure, but you’ll be evil and right.

Stop, hammer time. Not kidding. Stop being lame by counting calories because you ate that “everything” bagel and get to Anvil Pub on Elm Street before you croak. This dish is sublime comfort food: pornographically dripping macaroni and cheese combined with chili. Thhhhat’s right. We recommend eating the dish by yourself, sitting alone and near the back just so no one sees you clean the bowl by bringing the whole damn thing to your face. There should be a cheesy frown shape on your forehead. Never mind the thought that passes: “Did I just order a wrestler who’s going to come to the table and rip my scalp off?” This is no barbaric wrestler. It’s a bowl of your new favorite thing.

Much debate has occurred over the varying brilliance of Jay Ferrier’s pizza pies. Their crusts range between crispy and cooked-seconds-ago soft. It’s kind of a fickle oven. What’s immune to criticism, however, is the perfect, creamy Caesar salad. It doesn’t go anywhere near the temperamental oven, and they put fresh white anchovies on it. A pretty little chorus line of salty goodness sitting on top of field greens, Parmigiano and crostini. (Food’s so much better with ini as a suffix, isn’t it?) Ditch those awful grocery salads and stop through Deep Ellum before the sun goes red. Oh, and ask for extra dressing — you’ll want to dip your finger in it later.

Under moonlight, these onion rings may look like crispy wristbands. They sure don’t taste like wrist-wear. Order extra. Like, 14 baskets extra (hey, they’re only $5.25 per order). Paired with their creamy chipotle aioli and a ridiculously cold beer, the gates of heaven approach faster than you could ask. This is one of those dishes you buy for an out-of-towner because you want to look cool. Every year, we here at the Dallas Observer yammer about eating Lee Harvey’s burger on the beautiful porch, and forget to mention its crispy companion. Everything needs a sidekick. Dallas Police headquarters is right next to Lee Harvey’s, you know. The onion rings — they’re no different. They’re Robin to Burger Batman, and they come with plenty of aioli sauce.

Waiting for your food at the counter of Lockhart Smokehouse is like something straight from the beeftacular dreams of Travel Channel host Anthony Bourdain. You’re waiting, watching the barbecue masters cut through the bark of a hunk of meat, and then they hand it over — a slice of wax paper heavy in the center with fat-shimmering meat. If you’ve ordered right, you’ve ordered the shoulder clod. The clod is a lean cut from the shoulder, but don’t let that fool you: Lockhart’s shoulder meat has got bigger, better flavor and texture and is the same price as the brisket at $7.50 per half pound. If you’re scared by ordering something with “clod” in the title: Suck it up, watch an episode of No Reservations and head to Oak Cliff’s best meatacular for a sample.

The only thing better than the spicy basil rice from Thai 2 Go (not to be confused with Thai2go in the Medical District) is the spicy basil rice from Thai 2 Go when it’s delivered straight to your doorstep. If you’re buying a new house anytime soon and you’re not basing that purchase on whether or not the house is in Thai 2 Go’s delivery area, you’re doing it wrong. The delivery from Thai 2 Go is always on time or early; they always get your order exactly right; and did we mention that for a small fee, they’re bringing you freaking delicious dinner that they made for you so you could spend your evening watching Flipping Out instead of cleaning your dirty kitchen? When the delivery guy from Thai 2 Go knocks on our door, we run screaming toward him like it’s Thai Food Christmas. “Sweet! Potstickers!!! Thanks, Spicy Basil Santa!” You should probably hug him. Or at least give him a good tip.

Spiral Diner, the kick-ass vegan restaurant in Oak Cliff, has more than just delicious veggie-monster-friendly meals: They have Oogave natural soda on tap. Oogave offers a variety of yummy flavors, including mandarin Key lime, cola and ginger ale. But none compare to their watermelon cream soda. It’s sweet, pink, no-high-fructose-corn-syrup, all agave-sweetened hippie happiness. Watermelon cream soda from Oogave is about the best thing that this planet has to offer, non-alcoholic bev-wise, and it’s pretty expensive if you buy it at Whole Foods in a bottle. So, when you’re getting your herbivore on at Spiral Diner and you have access to free refills of the stuff, take full advantage of that situation, friends. Order your veggies, pass on the regular water and roll up to that self-serve Oogave soda fountain ready to chug some delicious watermelon-flavored agave angel nectar. Mmm.

Debt ceilings and the predicted apocalypse don’t seem to have any effects on our appetites or schedules. We have to credit Michelle Dudley of Wylie for making it easier to feed five mouths (and yes, that can mean one or two mouths, for two to five meals in a row) on a budget. With a three-month subscription for $15, meal planning maven Dudley sends a monthly newsletter including weekly dinner menus and complete shopping lists for five nights of entrées and suggested sides that can all be prepped and stored in one hour during the weekend. Each weeknight, grab one, follow heating instructions and a homemade dinner is ready for four to six people. Shockingly, the entrées aren’t just tuna casserole-types, but simple, tasty recipes for Greek steak, fun sliders and even fish. Ingredients add up to around $65 at typical groceries, but with all the tips Dudley offers on her blog — posts on prepping lunches, coupon hints and varying recipes — you could spend even less money and time. If the end is near, you won’t be wasting time cooking dinner.

“No Forks! No Sauce! No Kidding!” was the slogan when Lockhart Smokehouse opened in the Bishop Arts District in February. That’s the way things are at legendary smokehouses like Kreuz Market down in Lockhart. Gradually, though, the owners accepted that there’s not much overlap between the yuppies and art patrons who patronize the Bishop Arts District and the educated, dedicated brisket fiends who make pilgrimages to the mecca of meat that is Central Texas. Dallas diners mostly grew up on Dickey’s and Sonny Bryan’s, chains where sauce is all too often necessary, and are simply puzzled by the Medieval Times-like forklessness. And so Lockhart compromised first on the fork stance, offering the utensils in exchange for charitable donations. Then, after successfully experimenting with sauces on Father’s Day, they came to accept that Dallas is simply a sauce town, Texas tradition notwithstanding. We mostly abstain, though we’ll put a dab of the sweet and tangy red sauce on the occasional dry slice or on fridge-desiccated leftovers, and the “Texabama” sauce, which could almost pass for honey mustard, is great on pork sandwiches. The slogan switch to “No Forks, No Sauce Needed” doesn’t quite rank up there with “Four legs good, two legs better” when it comes to traitorous about-faces, and we certainly aren’t going to gripe if it keeps the place in business.

For serious beer lovers, The Common Table is a fine place to stop by any night of the week to see what’s new. Manager Jeff Fryman, a certified cicerone (the beer equivalent to a sommelier), always has something interesting bottled up or on tap, and while the selection is modest compared with behemoth lists like those at the Flying Saucer or Meddlesome Moth, you know that whatever they have is fresh. But Tuesdays are our favorite, as the bar always taps a new keg or two and lowers prices on 20-ounce drafts by a couple bucks. Our favorite discount, though, is $3 off flights. You can pick and choose the five sample glasses or go with a themed recommendation. Since it opened, we’ve fantasized about looking at the draft menu and saying, “One of everything, please.” This is as close as we’ll get.

Since opening in April, John Tesar’s new restaurant has been slinging out burgers and fries to the stylish crowds that frequent One Arts Plaza, but the best item on the menu isn’t one of the burgers. The Tail End Sandwich is a gluttonous mix of ground beef, ground pork and pig tails, but wait, it gets better. The sammy’s topped with a zesty green tomato chutney and a fat piece of roasted pork belly, and it’s served on a brioche bun smeared with jalapeño mayo. It’s like a major upgrade of the Sloppy Joe. Don’t forget to order a side of sweet potato fries. That’ll make you feel better about eating such a decadent sandwich.

It’s the one question that newly minted Dallasites always ask: Who has the best tacos? It’s an oft-argued subject, but those in the know will tell you that Tacos El Guero, tucked away on Bryan Street, serves the best tacos in town. First-time visitors are treated to a complimentary al pastor taco, which is the most flavorful and tender rendition we’ve sampled here. The barbacoa is a real stand-out, and so are the lengua, tripas and bistec tacos. The small taquería has only a few counter seats, so get your meal to go.

It takes a lot for us to admit that something good can come from Houston, but we’ve found the greatest import from our sister to the south in Shipley’s Donuts. Krispy Kreme lovers take note: Real doughnuts contain more dough than air, and that’s exactly what you get in a Shipley’s doughnut. Whether you keep it simple with glazed favorites or go all out with an iced-and-sprinkled creation, the doughnuts are always moist and melt-in-your-mouth amazing. They also have more options than your standard mom-and-pop shop or that chain, but nothing is quite better than the simple glazed doughnut, especially right after dawn when they’re still warm. And if you don’t have a sweet tooth, go for the Big Earl kolache, named for former pro-footballer Earl Campbell. Fair warning though: Make sure you’re really hungry.

Christmas tamales are any kind of tamales you eat at Christmas. Long a Texas tradition, Christmas tamale-making used to be a family affair, called a tamalada. Now the closest most of us can get is buying our Christmas tamales from the city’s best-known tamale-making family, the Morenos. They are the longtime proprietors of La Popular, a shop that moved up the street a bit a few years ago, and now also a cool little sit-down restaurant at the Farmers Market. La Popular is a great place to buy tamales year-round, but if you’re counting on them for Christmas, you need to get your order in early. You wouldn’t believe the demand, and sometimes they run out. By the way, tamales are easy to freeze.

Since its burger garnered statewide attention from Texas Monthly, The Grape has become a popular spot for casual Sunday brunch, but that decadent burger, as tasty as it is, is just one of the mouth-watering menu items that make this the best brunch. Whether you’re in the mood for a perfectly poached egg and house-made hollandaise in your eggs Benedict or a plate of warm, gooey sticky buns made with love, The Grape always delivers superb food and equally praiseworthy service. Even the most boring of brunchers will appreciate their classic American breakfast platter of eggs any style, bacon or sausage and hash.

Central 214 and Hotel Palomar are the “it” couple of room service, what with the American restaurant helmed by chef Blythe Beck providing vittles for hotel guests 24/7. And the chicken-fried Kobe steak is the best meal (aka “food tryst”) we’ve ever had in a hotel room. We’re talking legit last meal material. A Beck signature dish, the chicken-fried Kobe steak is home-style Americana uplifted to fine dining. It’s perfectly decadent and totally accessible. The Kobe is tender beneath the crispy batter and pour-it-yourself bacon red-eye gravy. After the accompanying mustard greens and butter-whipped potatoes, the perfect dessert is knowing that once the dinner cart is wheeled out, unbuckling (or ditching) pants doesn’t require driving home first.

Good 2 Go Taco co-owners Jeana Johnson and Colleen O’Hare once set up shop in a gas station, offering daily specials. After a brief hiatus from serving (spent prepping a new location), the duo opened up the Good 2 Go storefront near the corner of Peavy and Garland Roads in January. They offered a few favorite lunch and breakfast selections along with a BYO breakfast taco option. In May, however, some old favorites from the Green Spot days made it to their rightful permanent places on the menu boards. The Navin R. Johnson (jerk chicken, naturally), Minnie Pearl (veggies and couscous) and School Daze (Sriracha-glazed meatloaf and mashed potatoes) joined Swine Bleu, Hotlanta and others. Breakfast tacos expanded from four to six, and salads, sides, wraps and daily specials further amped up the offerings. To top it all off, Cultivar Coffee’s bar adds a classy caffeine buzz to taco time.

Sure, their bright-ass paint job is obnoxious, but the barbacoa, picadillo and pastor tacos at Cool & Hot are freaking delicious. And if the fact that they offer their tacos for just over a buck each isn’t enough for you, the menu also includes snow cones and ice cream. That’s right: tacos and snow cones, y’all. Welcome to the intersection of awesome and hell yes. The atmosphere at Cool & Hot is exactly what you want when you’re eating a street taco: It’s a little trashy, a lot shaded. This place isn’t slick or manufactured like so many of the taco spots in Dallas; it’s just a great, unassuming little taco shack. Most days Cool & Hot is open 24 hours, so next time you have a late-night craving for tacos, skip that nasty Taco Bell Bueno and get yourself some Cool & Hot with a side of Pimp Juice or a scoop of Rocky Road.

This hidden treasure is tucked between a 7-Eleven and Titlemax on an unremarkable stretch of Lemmon Avenue, but our mothers taught us to not judge a book, or restaurant, by its cover. Taj Express, owned by the Ram family, offers authentic Northern Indian cuisine crafted from the chef’s own recipes. The friendly staff will take orders from the menu, but the best deal is the $7.99 lunch buffet ($9.99 for dinner). On any given day, fresh batches of chicken tikka masala and saag paneer beckon from the buffet. Baskets of hot, fluffy naan are brought to the table. Finish off the buffet with a bowl of badami kheer that’s sweeter and smoother than vanilla ice cream. The restaurant also takes to-go orders and offers catering.

Crowning the best hamburger is nigh impossible in this beef-crazy town, but a master of burger basics muscled its way to the top of our list. Dairy-ette, the East Dallas drive-in burger joint, has earned serious street cred since opening in 1956. Car hops serve juicy, old-fashioned hamburgers, fresh-cut french fries and homemade root beer to people in cars parked under the red-and-white striped awning. Top a burger with cheese, chili, or live large with chili and cheese. Heck, go for the double meat layered with bacon and jalapeños. Hot grub and sandwiches are also dished out inside at the counter, near the original soda fountain. Root beer is sold by the gallon for $4.50.

It’s small. It can get really hot. It is in possibly the most unappealing shopping center ever. But boy, is it really, really good. Thai Express is a speck in the blemish of a shopping strip on Inwood by Southwestern Medical Center. It’s long been an old popular standby for workers at the nearby hospitals, particularly during the $6.99 lunch buffet. Labeling it as a greasy spoon would have been highly accurate in the past, but the restaurant went through renovations six months ago under its new management. The buffet remains intact, and the digs are nicer, but most notable is that the food has gotten even better. The head chef is sister of owner Somchai Kongnuan, and the woman has some serious skills. In a city where Thai food can become formulaic and homogenous, every dish at Thai Express is distinct and stings with palate-pleasing flavor. While attention to the food is certainly important, the other little details that the new regime added tickle as well. The Muzak/bossa nova covers of songs ranging from Nirvana to the Bee Gees playing over the restaurant’s speakers are the same tunes popular everywhere in Thailand. Thai Express is the classic hole-in-the-wall find — memorable food and cheeky atmosphere.

Choosing a winner for this prestigious category was an exercise in the process of elimination. Fast-food chains were dropped right off the bat. Douchebag meeting grounds were disqualified next. Lastly, places where you could be shot (distressingly numerous) were the last to fall out of consideration. In the end, one of life’s very simplest of truths was what determined Serious Pizza as our winner: A slice of pizza and drunken gluttonous yearning go hand in hand. This place is called what it’s called for a reason. Few things can kill a drunken craving and sop up all the exorbitant amounts of alcohol as well as a notoriously monstrous Serious Pizza slice. Open until 3 a.m. on the weekends, the lively after-hours atmosphere, HD televisions and interesting people-watching are exactly the stimulation needed for some sobering up. Understandably, with crowds comes a wait, so be patient and don’t end up like one of the drunken knuckleheads who are thrown out on the busier nights.

A friend of mine once said of Royal Thai, “Oh, THAT place is good.” From someone who was born and raised in Thailand and who once claimed she would never eat Thai food if she didn’t make it, her statement was as high as praise gets. She has a point, though. Ask someone who has ever been to Thailand, and more often than not they will tell you it’s difficult to come back to the States and eat Americanized Thai food. This isn’t the case for all Asian cuisines, and it puts Thai food in its own unique category. There are several restaurants in our city that try to re-create the distinctive qualities of old Siam, but Royal Thai succeeds at it. With its solid rendition of the classics, the neighborhood family ambiance and the exceptionally affable service, it is no wonder the restaurant commands consistently large crowds. Outside of that recent burger import that shall remain unnamed, you won’t find a longer, more patient or eagerly awaiting queue that side of Central Expressway on a Saturday evening.

Other happy hours come close, but limited options cut them short. Si Tapas, on the other hand, has an impressively varied and extensive happy hour food menu, with each tapa on the list priced at only $2. What it also has going for it is that it doesn’t treat that menu as a bastard stepchild. There are many restaurants that have food specials during happy hour, but how many offer a true glimpse of the best items from the regular menu? (Think sushi restaurants offering California rolls and steakhouses serving sliders.) Si Tapas, meanwhile, offers its best-selling tapas, usually priced anywhere between $5-$7. There might be more popular happy hours out there, but few are as great as Si Tapas’.

Quiet, dignified, intimate and with a seasoned wait staff and a couple Greek travel posters on the walls, this place feels less like Upper Greenville in Dallas, more like Greektown in Detroit or Chicago. The menu is classic Greek American restaurant fare: spanakopita plate, pork souvlaki, moussaka and gyro plate with all the right sides. The taramosalata is always fresh, the hummus smooth and the dolmas so fat and meaty they’re almost a meal in themselves. And there are always these guys, you know, older guys in suits and white shirts without ties at a table in the back, and you wonder: What are those guys really talking about? It’s a trip to a whole other place, with great service and good food along the way.

Long live the king of all Dallas-area Chinese restaurants. First Chinese BBQ — particularly the original Richardson location — remains the measuring stick against which all other Chinese restaurants in our burg are compared. As Chinese cuisine is vaster than a Westerner might realize, picking one restaurant as best can be an unfair barometer. Tough luck, other restaurants, ’cause this place is just that good. While its satellite locations occasionally waver, the Richardson mothership has consistently served up the juiciest slabs of roast pork, fattest slices of duck and tastiest Cantonese comfort food locally for 23 years. Prices have understandably gone up in all those years, yet the quality of food remains uncompromised. Because of its long-standing reputation as Dallas’ go-to for sure-bet Chinese, First Chinese BBQ Richardson gets the crown.