Turquoise rings for sale in the restaurant count: 20 Free Three Wise Men bilingual storybook given to me on my way out count: 1 Driving back from Austin on Interstate 35, I saw a billboard that said, “Nueva Casita. Best Tex-Mex in Dallas.” I was like, “Damn Nueva Casita—that’s a…
Several years ago, in a somewhat disturbing trend, relatively affluent 20-somethings began donning Von Dutch trucker hats and crowding into the contrived environs of places like Double Wide. Downing cans of beer in a staged version of Podunk apparently made privileged urban types feel more real, more down-to-earth—a kind of…
Insanely short straw count: 1 Probably hookers count: 12 Thank you, Sal’s, for being a pizza and pasta place that has more than just pizza-by-the-slice as a lunch special. I’ve got nothing against the slice. The pizza at Sal’s is otherworldly. It’s made from raindrops on roses and whiskers on…
This has been, by any standard, an interesting year. Americans made history by living up to—finally—the “regardless of race, creed or color” principle we ostensibly cherish. That President-elect Barack Obama came from the usually disheveled ranks of that often-pointless party known as “Democrats” makes our national break with the past…
If, thanks to Hollywood, one is likely to compare the seeming randomness of destiny to a Whitman’s Sampler, what then stands in for life’s certainties? Perhaps it’s too local to gain large-scale popularity, but I would suggest RJ Mexican Cuisine. When you ask waitresses at this popular and longstanding West…
Tortilla chip bucket refill count: 4 Gallons of mouth-on-fire salsa consumed count: 2 Sometimes you just feel like eating something shitty good. Something you know is going to stick to your insides and probably shorten your life by just a little bit, but it tastes so good it’ll be worth…
Years ago, in response to a seeming onslaught of prepackaged goods and quick-service chain restaurants, a few activist gourmands began spouting the moral superiority of “slow foods.” Not just organic or free-range, mind you, but also locally grown and “sustainable.” Forgetting that in the days when people ate natural foods…
Not having seen 300, Hollywood’s beefcake version of the ancient grievances between Persia and the Greek city-states, I must settle for a more dated image of Turkey’s once-great warriors. On stones unearthed over time by scholars—you know, those sullen experts we’ve preferred to ignore ever since popular culture turned to…
How often must MBA recipients prove their “worthiness” before we finally stop listening? And before you many upstanding business folks finish that “hey, wait just one damn minute” thought, keep in mind what MBAs have wrought lately. There’s W, for example—whom the conservative media once lauded as our first such…
Extra “e” in the name count: 1 Actual gazebo in the parking lot count: 1 I was having one of those “Can’t Decide What I Want for Lunch” days when I started to lose my mind because I was so hungry, but at the same time nothing I drove past…
“Suze. No, S-U-Z-E—it’s at Northwest Highway and Midway, right next to the Albertson’s.” This singular restaurant should need no introduction, but I probably suffered through this painstaking routine five times before finally convincing someone to join me for dinner one evening. Perhaps if I refrained from mentioning the strip-mall setting—makes…
Horseradish jar on my table count: 1 Beer bottles lining the wall count: 100 Five-liter bottle of Grolsch count: 1 I was selling all of my books, CDs and DVDs back at Half Price Books so I could afford to pay for the boob job I need to get if…
It might seem that the battle lines between those supporting the expansion of the Dallas smoking ban to bars, taverns and pool halls would be clearly drawn: nonsmokers versus smokers and those who own bars, taverns and pool halls. But things at City Hall are seldom that easy. Instead, Dallas…
Lunch plate delivered to me at my table count: 1 Times my tea was refilled for me: 2 Actual waiters working in this establishment: 0 When asked what I’d like to have for lunch, never have I uttered the phrase, “Ooooh—ya know what I’ve really got a craving for? Salad!”…
They were long and bleak, the months between March 2003 and January of this year—for local gourmands, anyway. Sure, one could pipe recorded accordion music through the place or dress waiters up in striped shirts and berets, but local restaurateurs could only dream of recreating the feel of an authentic…
Panic attack count: 1 Packed tables count: 12 When I’m feeling like eating a burger but I don’t want all that convenience and crappy quality that a fast food restaurant offers, I head on over to Chip’s Old Fashioned Hamburgers. I drove to their Cole Avenue location hyped up for…
The waitress attending my table one evening applied the ominous phrase “to die for” to almost every dish. Really, when I think about it, I’m not certain I want to die for my meal—although it’s always a possibility. As every veteran food writer will tell you, if a slider has…
Yep, Christopher. He left us with the week’s best bit of reader commentary. In response to our search for a wine to go with KFC (Pairing Off), Christopher wrote: “Fried Chicken and Champagne: Dallas on a Plate.” He wins a packet of turkey gravy mix, sent to us by the…
Free valet that I didn’t feel bad not tipping count: 1 Minutes I had to wait before I got a table count: 10 When I want a good margarita, I make one. When I want great queso, I go to Mattito’s for their Bob Armstrong queso with its taco meat…
I’ve been told that men are simple creatures—assuming “my eyes are up here” means something along the lines of “simple.” And a pig is, after all, a creature. Well, not so much been told. Let’s just say I’ve heard second-hand—yeah, that’s it—some of these untoward remarks. On the plus side,…
Real chopsticks (not the kind you get wrapped in paper) count: 2 People playing cards at the table next to mine count: 4 I_ thought Asian fusion restaurants with their full bars, their fancy plates, their presentation of food that makes it look beautiful but also makes the food close…
Just why do the folks at Pescabar set a pair of metal chopsticks on each table? Yes, raw fish—I get it. The kitchen lauds its presentation of crudo, Italy’s version of marinated sashimi. But show me the South or Central American restaurant where diners scoop ceviche with chopsticks. For that…
