Just Hangin’ Around, Waiting for June

A loose recounting of a conversation overheard at the most recent pAper chAse show at Rubber Gloves in Denton: “You need anything from the bar?” “No, I’m done at least until after the pAper chAse play.” “Um, ‘K. Wait, why?” “Dude, ’cause it’s the pAper chAse. I can’t be drunker…

Baby’s First Blowjob

This week at nerve.com, former Observer music editor Sarah Hepola makes Rhett Miller say uncomfortable things about his son. He also indirectly calls Winona Ryder “cuckoo.” For both of those reasons, Rhett, you might’ve won us back. -Sam Machkovech…

Face “The Nation”

John Goodman, founder and well-paid head of the Dallas-based think tank National Center for Public Analysis, takes it in the shorts on The Nation’s Web site. Where to begin. The headline? “It’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp.” The lead? Katrina vanden Heuvel (which has to be a fake name)…

Tom and Hank: BFF

I know Ray Hunt and Tom Hicks gots some, ya know, pull, so why am I nonetheless surprised by the company they keep? Seriously, imagine a board meeting with Zbigniew Brzezinski, Henry Kissinger and Hicks; do they talk U.S. defense policy and international security or Texas Rangers trades? There’s a…

Re: Cox, Hard to Get Into

I must be 6 years old, because I giggled my way onto the SMU Cox School of Business Web site a while back and stumbled upon poor Dr. Ellen F. Jackofsky (pronounced ANY-thing-but-Jack-Off-Ski). I kid you not. My Mustang sources tell me she often lunches with professors Michael Hunt, Anita…

Unfair to Midland

Did you think Midland, our distant Western neighbor, was home only to rabid, football-obsessed rednecks and rabid, Iraq-obsessed presidents? If you did, boy, were you ever wrong. You pea-brained, materialistic Dallasite, you. Put down that stale energy bar and pay attention. A new ad campaign called Come Home To Midland…

Apparently, Plano ISD Doesn’t Like God

As of about one hour ago, the Plano Independent School District is involved in two lawsuits claiming the district is violating its students’ religious freedom. Well known is the case Morgan, et al. v. Plano Independent School District, which was filed in U.S. District Court in Sherman in 2004 after…

Cox, Hard to Get Into

If you’ve tried to get into the SMU Cox School of Business (whose radio ads make me giggle, because I am 7) and failed, there’s a reason: Patti Cudney and her team don’t want you. Actually, that’s not true; they just want 100 of the best and brightest for the…

In Bill We Trust?

So, where was he? Bill Parcells, so we’re told, is the only guy on the planet capable of handling Terrell Owens. The infallible Tuna is the main reason the Cowboys think their T.O. experiment will work when 31 other teams are convinced it won’t. But on Saturday, at Owens’ introductory…

Whole Lotta Nuthin’

Got very excited about this headline on Slate.com this morning: “The Dark Side of Whole Foods.” Nothing against Whole Foods–used to shop there all the time, till Central Market stormed in. Still, sounded good. Well, turns out there ain’t much to the story about the Austin-based chain, which has three…

This Blows, Like a Hurricane

Any doubts I may have had about the alleged incompetence of our beloved Federal Emergency Management Agency have been thoroughly eliminated. FEMA can’t even organize a coherent media conference call, let alone disseminate billions of dollars in taxpayer cash to hurricane victims–many of whom need the money for tattoos, massages…

T.O. or Not T.O.?

Jerry Jones is in the Caribbean. Bill Parcells is in Florida. Terrell Owens is in limbo. And every Cowboys fan is in the dark. If you watched KLBK-Channel 13 in Lubbock this morning, you’re sure Owens signed a multi-year contract with the Cowboys late Thursday night and that a press…

Re: Forest City, Without the Dead Trees

Former city council person Veletta Forsythe Lill sends this missive regarding yesterday’s item about the myriad Web sites devoted to Forest City Enterprises, the developers getting $73 mil from the city to rehab the Mercantile Building downtown: “I find some irony in that the Forest City Web site details the…

Close Shave

As the NCAA men’s basketball tournament grips Dallas today at the American Airlines Center, its fun to ponder all of the money and cheating that will be following the bouncing ball. Cheating? According to economist Justin Wolfers assistant professor of business and public policy at the Wharton School of the…

Pat the Bunny

ESPN.com columnist Pat Forde writes today about the paucity of Texas Longhorns fans at yesterday’s opening practice sessions at the American Airlines Center. To which I say, Dude, some of us gotta work. But I will be there tonight when the Horns play Penn in the first-round regional, which is…

SXSW, Scene and Heard Day Two

Slow day for locals at SXSW on Thursday. After performing in front of Jeremy Lascelles on Wednesday (along with other unidentified white-haired men of varying importance), the Strange Boys didn’t seem as perky this afternoon, as bassist Philip Sambol was seen hanging around outside Emo’s asking passersby for change. Myself…

Blame Canada

Hey, hipster, got eight grand or so lying around your pad unused? Heritage Auction Galleries has just the thing for you: “home” movies of the Rat Pack shot by a Canadian couple while Francis Albert, Dino, Sammy and those other two guys were filming the original Ocean’s 11 in Las…

No, Steven, “Munich” Was a Bad Idea

Looks like Steven Spielberg, who apparently used to be a diretor of some note, is no fan of Mark Cuban and Todd Wagner’s releasing movies in theaters, on TV and DVD the same day, as they did with Steven Soderbergh’s Bubble in January. In the new issue of Time, the…

Christian Idol

On Monday, Dallas is to be one of the sites for the holy sing-off between some 100 would-be Christian pop stars. (I placed 102 in the original competition and would have come in much higher had I not chosen to perform “Hava Nagilah.”) It’s for a show called Gifted, which…

No, Really?

Scientists at the University of Texas at Dallas have made a discovery every drunk has been aware of since the beginning of time. –Robert Wilonsky…

SXSW, 3/16/06

At 12:25 this morning, Midlake’s Eric Pulido grabbed the microphone at the Fox & Hound stage in Austin. “Cue smoke. Cue confetti.” He then threw a small explosion of paper dots and streamers into the crowd, mimicking the over-the-top theatrics the Flaming Lips’ Wayne Coyne had pulled off half an…