Ain’t got no body

The bones of the Great Atheist are out there, possibly somewhere west of San Antonio near the remote Hill Country town of Camp Wood, where normally the only break from the rural routine is the fall invasion of deer hunters. Federal authorities believe that in 1995, Madalyn Murray O’Hair and…

Gold gamble

If Houston or Dallas has vaulted ahead of six other U.S. cities bidding to host the 2012 Olympic Summer Games, it has the Texas Legislature to thank or blame, depending on one’s perspective. The U.S. Olympic Committee is smiling down on the two cities because Texas is well on the…

Letters

Nothing to crow about When I worked as an armed security guard at an Oak Cliff shopping center six years ago, it seemed obvious to me that the multiracial security staff there was far more concerned about drug dealers and smash-and-grabs than they were about either roosters [“Fowled out,” May…

Buzz

Love for sale Coming up with high-quality, industrial-strength humor week after week is not easy. It takes wit. It takes diligence. It takes bribes. But sometimes God and the fax machine provide the straight lines just when the well runs dry. The latest manna from heaven comes from “soul mate…

Ring Ma Bell

It started with a lady in the clouds issuing you a challenge in a 30-second TV commercial. “As you look at your next phone bill,” she said as dark billows moved rapidly across the sky behind her, “try and make sense out of the fact that it’s more expensive to…

The New School

Good morning, children, and welcome back to class. You may have noticed that a new student has joined us. Or, actually, quite a few new students. About 60 million, to take a quick guess. Say hi, everybody. Now, they might look familiar, they might look a little like the teenagers…

Buzz

Is everybody happy? It took some time, some help from Dallas City Councilman Al Lipscomb, and complaints from one royally P.O.’d resident, but at last someone at City Hall has decided that having semis rumbling through a city park is not a good idea. Seems obvious, you say? You poor…

One of their own

Earlier this month, alarm bells sounded within the small, increasingly skittish world of Texas historic preservationists when they learned that city officials in Waxahachie were planning to raze eight shotgun houses that are listed on the National Register of Historic Places. The houses, whose owners live in Dallas, have become…

Letters

Spot the hypocrite Did anyone else notice the irony here? Even as the Dallas Observer seeks solutions to Plano’s problems with youth and drugs [“Bad trip,” May 6], the publication places an ad for a head shop selling “body detoxifiers” and “[rolling] papers” alongside the text of the article on…

The Nerd Behind the Throne

Consider the challenge: It’s your job to sell a presidential hopeful who, compared with his rivals, possesses only the skimpiest national resume. Even magazine publisher Steve Forbes, running for vanity, notoriety, whatever, has driven around the block once before as a presidential candidate. But your guy, despite his youthful good…

Gimme gimme

Waiting for the city to fix your street? Waiting for them to help your elderly neighbors with basic home repairs? To do anything at all to improve your neighborhood? Don’t hold your breath. The money’s there–$22 million in federal funds. The problem is, the city council and the mayor have…

Buzz

Spare the rod and spoil the rider Buzz has never understood the love affair Texans have with their cars. (Now in their cars–that’s a different story.) We’ve also never been one to snub mass transit, particularly since the old Buzzmobile is about as sexy as a pair of Dr. Scholl’s…

Letters

One angry mom Apparently Christopher Brown’s potshots at the media blunders in the Routier trial have rubbed off on the Dallas Observer’s very own Ann Zimmerman. Her attempts at ridiculing the people who are involved in the Darlie Routier case were not amusing to me [“The cult of Darlie,” May…

Fowled Out

If Oak Cliff were its own state, the rooster might be its state bird. That, or the finger, extended with pride and pointed north across the Trinity River, where like-minded creatures phone one another on Nokias as they tear across a concrete landscape in their Lexus RX 300s. At least…

Letters

INS barks back I note that your recent article about the INS office [“Huddled masses,” April 8] has generated several letters to the editor that echo reporter Juliana Barbassa’s “totally objective” piece. As the acting district director for the Dallas office for nearly one year and a 33-year veteran of…

Bad trip

Milan Michael Malina wasn’t the first Plano youth to die of a heroin overdose. In the endless game of death and law enforcement that we call the war on drugs, it’s hard to tell what number he rolled. According to The Plano Star-Courier, he was the eighth of 15 deaths…

The Cult of Darlie

If they start throwing chairs, you’ll know you’re on the wrong set.” With such sage advice, my 11-year-old daughter bid me adieu before I jetted off to Los Angeles on less than a day’s notice to appear on the Leeza Gibbons show, the outer ring of TV talk-show hell. On…

Observer writers honored

Dallas Observer staff writer Jim Schutze has been named a winner of a 1999 Unity Award for political reporting. The Unity Awards in Media, sponsored by Lincoln University of Jefferson City, Missouri, honor outstanding reporting on issues concerning minorities. Schutze won for his April 16, 1998, cover story, “Saint Al,”…

Pig in a poke

Stung by a recent rejection, thrilled by a rumor that someone attractive might like them, the Dallas school board leaped into the arms of San Francisco schools chief Bill Rojas without a wisp of investigation or information about his past. If recruiting a new school superintendent were anything like romance,…

Buzz

On a bill and a prayer Texas legislators appear to be taking kindly to the complimentary subscription to the Dallas Observer they began receiving this year. Some say they actually are reading the articles, even the long ones. One story causing a stir in Austin is “Holy Handouts” (January 21)…

Bully Pulpit

A commercial truck carrying bottled water rumbles up the rocky street, stopping in front of one of the 25 or so homes in a listless neighborhood in the town of Socorro, 10 miles east of El Paso. The driver slings a water jug over his shoulder and drops it on…

Buzz

Dysfunction junction “Are you a member of the NAACP? If not, why not?” asks the voice of Dallas branch not-quite President Lee Alcorn on his office answering machine. Good question. Here’s a good answer: because our own family is plenty dysfunctional. We don’t need to pay dues to join another…