All-All-All-All-Stars

Somewhere beneath this Dolphins helmet is former — and, maybe, future? — Dallas Cowboy Jason Garrett. Uh…Coach Garrett, perhaps? That’d be kinda cool. Took a break from guessing about Bill Parcells’ replacement long enough to breathe in the fresh air of the NHL All-Star Game last night. And, of course,…

Delinquent Bill

Bill Parcells is gone. And I know his replacement: Bill Jones. When Parcells went into hiding after the Dallas Cowboys’ season-ending loss in Seattle, it was the long-time metroplex TV sports personality who jumped into the head coach’s seat for the final two tapings of Channel 11’s Cowboys Huddle. “I…

Gatorade Gullibility

Late last night, while pretending to watch the Australian Open but in reality merely ogling this chick, someone from my past popped onto the screen. OK, it’s the extremely recent past, but the irony of Bill Parcells’ presence just made me want to forget him that much quicker. Way back…

Welcome Back, Earthlings

While the Mavericks are becoming as automatic as blinking — would you believe 21-1 since December 13? — Dallas’ amateur basketball team has kinda, sorta been issued an ugly reality check. Once upon a time, first-year coach Matt Doherty and his scrappy ‘Stangs were off to a magical season. Turns…

Re: The Next Head Coach of the Dallas Cowboys Will Be…

Just got off the phone will a Valley Ranch birdie that chastised me for not including Jim Bates on my list. Bates, who recently took a job as the Broncos’ assistant head coach, served as the Cowboys’ linebackers coach in the late ’90s. He’s a friend of Jerry Jones, a…

The Next Head Coach of the Dallas Cowboys Will Be …

Mystery date: Will he be a stud or a dud? Planned on posting this at sunrise, but my Parcells Party ran later than expected. And by “later than expected”, I mean 3 � tuna sandwiches, two bottles of bubbly and 2:37 a.m. Before moving on to coaching candidates, though, it…

The King is Dead…Long Live the Cowboys

Shocking, but oh-so-sweet. Bill Parcells sent joyful shock waves through Cowboyville minutes ago when the head coach announced he was resigning. In a statement, released through the team, Parcells said: “I am retiring from coaching football. I want to thank Jerry Jones and Stephen Jones for their tremendous support over…

Ssssh, All-Star Game Sleeping

With Bill Parcells in limbo, the Bears and Colts in the Super Bowl and the Dallas Mavericks in first place, does anyone care that the NHL All-Star Game is in town? Under the cover of wintry mix, the showpiece of America’s No. 4 sport sneaked into Dallas and will this…

The Play-Faker

C’mon, can’t we learn to forgive and forget? Looking at this, you’d think he’s already in. But despite positive referrals from the judge who sentenced him, the gopher who worked for him and the columnist who backed him , Michael Irvin isn’t a rubber stamp from getting into the Pro…

Stay or Go? Cue The Clash, ‘Cuz Tuna Ain’t Talkin’

Go down, Moses, and say let our Cowboys go. Bill Parcells, Dallas Cowboys hostage crisis, Day 13: Obviously he’s staying. Shows up for work at Valley Ranch every day, and ESPN’s Chris Mortensen, one of his few media buddies, is saying that Parcells will announce his decision to stay by…

Virtually There

Trust us, this computer-generated image of the Cowboys’ future home looks way cooler than we can show you here. Heartwood Studios, the San Francisco Bay-area company that produced that nifty computer-animated fly-through of the Cowboys’ future digs in Arlington, isn’t through pulling gems out of its bag of tricks just…

Smuts Illustrated

Richie, we gotta tell you: This is one blog item we can’t get behind. We’ve tried. Hiyo! Prepare to be insulted. Because next month the world’s most popular magazine edition hits newsstands, and the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue is a slap in the face to all sports fans. How’s that,…

Busted

Let’s see, um, Cheech Marin? Ron Jeremy? How about ol’ Caligula? Gotta find somebody fitting to present Michael Irvin at the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Because ready or not, Canton, here he comes. “I’m on pins and needles,” the former Dallas Cowboys receiver says Monday after a couple weekend…

Can FC Dallas Bend it Like Beckham?

What does David Beckham’s signing to the MLS mean? Well, more people will go to at least one FC Dallas home game, duh. Interesting piece this morning on SI.com by soccer writer Grant Wahl on the signing of David Beckham to the MLS. Much has been written about Beckham’s pending…

Roughing It

You love the all-inclusive vacation right? How about the all-inclusive baseball game? As in, have a hot dog and some nachos in the first inning; a hamburger in the third; couple a Dr Peppers in the fifth; and — sure, why not? — two more dogs in the ninth for…

Howe’s It Hangin’, Mr. Hockey?

Because we’re gonna start niche programming here at Unfair Park — hey, you ask for something, you’ll get it — here’s an answer to a question this sexy Friend of Unfair Park had earlier today concerning the schedule for the NHL All-Star Trading Card and Memorabilia show taking place Saturday…

Summerall in Mesquite

Is it us, or does Pat Summerall look a little like Young Elvis in this old picture? Yeah, it’s like saying, “Sinatra in Midlothian.” But, shr’nuff, one of our best peeps will spend this Friday in one of our, fine, so-so places when legendary sportscaster Pat Summerall serves as keynote…

Dirk Knows Wiki

Yesterday, the Dallas Mavericks launched a new site that looks kinda of familiar: Mavswiki.com, which does indeed look just like Wikipedia. But, then, that is the point. Team owner Mark Cuban tells Unfair Park that MavsWiki is intended “a way for fans to have more fun and connect closer to…

Romo-mending

Tony Romo will run into the comforting arms of David Letterman next week. Because Leno sucks. Rest easy Cowboys fans, your quarterback is not sitting alone in a dark room, mindlessly flicking the light switch off, on, off, on… In fact, Tony Romo is beginning his long, painful road to…

Hokey Hockey

This is how disinterested we are in hockey this season: We had no idea till Richie said so that the Stars had a female public address announcer. That’s cool. Remember waaaay back when goalie Marty Turco had it all figured out and the Dallas Stars jumped out of the gate…